going dark

[Somnium7]

it appears I'm not the only person here who watched somebody they loved systematically destroy themselves with drug addiction. Last night I was remembering such a person who was very dear to me and had to get this out of my system. I guess it's not art or inspiration - maybe therapy...

I hatched from an egg
it was colored black
no clever words or numbers
could give me what I lack

I once had a husband
he ain't coming back
another said he loved me
and got me hooked on crack

I once had a family
I once had a dream
now I dream of dying
and wake to my own screams

I'm skin and bone
and so very alone
I'm about to step
into the twilight zone

I'm going dark
oh no
I'm going dark

am I such a monster?
and the devil too?
I'm disposable
because I'm not like you

I am still a human
I am still alive
the judges at the table
score my perfect dive

opportunity land
but not from where i stand
so I hit the pipe
and let the dark expand

I'm behind the moon
I'm off the scope
I dropped the ball
and then lost all hope

I'm going dark
oh no
I'm going dark
I'm you
I'm, me
whatever you pay me to be

I hatched from the black egg
please dont pity me
I've become the darkness
there's nothing left to see.

copyright 2007 somnium7

 

[olfunk]

wow


heavy

 

[up-fiddler]

I once had a family
I once had a dream
now I dream of dying
and wake to my own screams

I am still a human
I am still alive
the judges at the table
score my perfect dive

I'm behind the moon
I'm off the scope
I dropped the ball
and then lost all hope

copyright 2007 somnium7

The song is a bit moribund for my liking but these three verses are very well crafted in my opinion. They are a bit more 'universal' than the others and might even make a great song on their own. This had to be emotionally difficult for you to write. Nice job.

 

[Somnium7]

thanks all. it makes me feel better to get this out of my system. it was very difficult to write. even more difficult was the past 7 years of wondering if i did enough to help her. taking her to rehab and sitting through 12 steps classes and all that jazz. in the end I had to concede to the fact that you can't help a person that won't help themselves. it's very hard to watch a person become disassociated from their family and community, become the target of ridicule, violence, police harassment then enter the world of the homeless. the most heartbreaking thing is when they turn to prostitution to feed the addiction. and all the while the good, funny, smart, talented person you knew is still inside, locked away.

I also get extremely angry by this. watching another man deliberately turn a woman into the drug addict in order to exert his control over her is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. yet there are no specific laws against this.

it also angers me that society in general sees drug addicts as beyond redemption. while pharmceutical companies release advanced drugs to cure even the most insignificant ailments (twitchy legs), none of them will work on a cure for addiction. no profit in that, plus it may put some branches of the government out of business.

anyway, I'll hop down from my soapbox now, I'm sure I've already poured more gloom and doom than anyone can drink in one sitting.

am currently working on putting music to these words. encouraging results so far...

 

[andyhix]

Wow. that's heavy stuff. It takes some balls to put that out there. Good job. Personally I didn't care for the line that specifically spelled out 'crack' as the problem. I guess the reason is that it instantly removes the reader/listener from being able to relate, unless they've also experienced the same feelings as a result of crack, specifically. If it wasn't spelled out so clearly, people who have had similiar experiences with alcohol, heroin, or any other addiction can read it and feel closer to the song.

 

[Somnium7]

Wow. that's heavy stuff. It takes some balls to put that out there. Good job. Personally I didn't care for the line that specifically spelled out 'crack' as the problem. I guess the reason is that it instantly removes the reader/listener from being able to relate, unless they've also experienced the same feelings as a result of crack, specifically. If it wasn't spelled out so clearly, people who have had similiar experiences with alcohol, heroin, or any other addiction can read it and feel closer to the song.

I do agree with you and with what up-fiddler said above. From a song writing perspective there are some avenues I could have taken to make the song more friendly to a wider audience. It actually took alot of effort to keep it from becoming another one of my sociological discourses. I like writing stuff like that - the examination of certain facets of modern society from a detached perspective. In this case I have done some interesting things (for me) to put a human face on an otherwise verboten topic. To do this I chose to write about a specific person and include snippets of that persons actual life. I then used that life story to present some deeper ideas on the issues at hand.
Interestingly, the word crack was not in the original draft but it was alluded to with the line "so I hit the pipe and let the dark expand". Of course this could have been interpereted as any drug which necessitates a pipe.
Most songs I hear which have anything to do with crack use are in the Hip Hop genre and even there 97% of the time an allusion is used instead of just coming out and saying CRACK. I don't beat around the bush when I feel strongly about things so I intentionally wrote that crack line in. Even my wife/vocalist wasn't comfortable with it. I was subtle with all the other topics touched upon in the words but this topic I felt had to be sent out like a flare on a moonless night since so few others have the balls to do it.

 

[1ply]

I like this song. It expresses something that is meaningful. It is dark but if you sing about the darkness it is hard to make it light unless you deconstruct an upbeat genre.

Have you though about expanding this theme by writing about this person and the problem from the perspective of the various characters in her life? What song would her pusher sing about her? What songs would her johns sing about her? What songs would the police, the social service agencies, the cheap restaurants etc. sing?

 

[Somnium7]

I like this song. It expresses something that is meaningful. It is dark but if you sing about the darkness it is hard to make it light unless you deconstruct an upbeat genre.

Have you though about expanding this theme by writing about this person and the problem from the perspective of the various characters in her life? What song would her pusher sing about her? What songs would her johns sing about her? What songs would the police, the social service agencies, the cheap restaurants etc. sing?

Deconstructing an upbeat genre... This is frankly a really excellent idea. I always liked stuff like this, in particular, older Depeche Mode songs were perfect examples of this. The music was light and dancable even, but the words were some of the most morbid tales you can imagine. I'll have to put some thought into this.

I also like the idea of using different perspectives. Another really good idea. I wrote primarily from the 1st person because I knew the person well enough (I was in love with her), and also because I didn't want to add my own perspective. This was probably the hardest part. I could write 50 songs on how this made me feel but that is too selfish. I suppose the easiest perspectives for me would be that of her immediate family since I knew them really well too. Beyond that any other perspectives would necessitate a greater amount of fiction because I can only speculate about how others viewed her.