First CLINIC post....Thanks Toki!

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good tune.. I actually like the vocals but it can be argued that they are rough.. I have a problem with the bass drum.. it seems too strong, and the snare disappears sometimes.. I would maybe bring down the bass drum and up the snare a bit.. maybe not.. cool guitar harmonies..

horrible fade out! :D
 
wassup bdbd,
...very nice tune. ......really nice vocs in this. I dug the performance and the processing on them. .....cool and conducive to the tune. This reminds me of that one band that did the big tune in Pulp Fiction...... ......you know, .......that one band ....what was the name of that band........damn .......DAMN I HATE when that happens :mad: :rolleyes: :D
very cool stuff fellas!!
 
The track is pretty cool. I love those harmony guitars at the end. Arrangement is really good--everything that is needed is in the right spot and theres not too much of anything. Well, except I think the kick is too loud in most of the song--until the real loud stuff happens. Anyway, I love this kind of groove. I've always been and always will be a sucker for this kind of feel!

After Critic of the Day tried to skewer you, I was expecting some horrid vocal. WRONG! You sang this very well. I like your voice a lot.

Did you write this too? Some good writing! Post more, please!
 
B.SABBATH,
Thanks for listening. The trax that I gave Toki to work with had a basic beat track from my boss dr-5. That combined with me hitting the top of my ovation when I played at the same instant the kick hit caused a sonic boom, that may be what you're hearing....I dunno. I do appreciate the comps on the vocals, I got a LONG way to go yet! I used to be able to sing.....really!

Guernica,
Thanks a lot for the comps G! Man I wish I knew who you're talking about, I'm not much of a movie guy. That IS a movie...... right? That's piqued my interest now I'm gonna have to look it up!

crawdad,
Man I'm almost nervous here! I had to respond to some real heavy hitters in this post! My view is it hasn't been critiqued until "dad" hears it! Yes, I wrote it for my wife...got more coming pretty soon, just gotta get time to finish em up. My response to the critic was a little crude, I'm normally not like that! He rode my little girl pretty hard and I get kinda defensive there, I'm sure you know what I mean. I really appreciate your comments, Toki and I are going to re-do this one. Man, I learned a lot working with him and I feel I owe him some serious comps! I got some really good feedback from this clinic as well. I'm glad I finally posted here.


Thanks again to all,
bd
 
Very good, love it. Actually I can't add something more than is already said, but although;

-Great basswork!
-The drums: ermm.. good programming, just one thing a bit pity if you ask me. In the entire first part of the song the beat is like this:
1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
x x x x x x x x
x x
x x x

and it just ASKS, having the rhythm of the guitar and bass in mind, for this:

1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
x x x x x x x x
x x
x x x

You know what I mean? Later on it goes indeed more like that, with a little variation in the third kick hit, and in most of the bridges/ fills of course.
I think the riffpart especially would really get a lot stronger, just like in the solo.

Sorry for the rant, really nothing serious, it was just "annoying" me on a VERY LOW level.

The whole thing reminds me a little of Dream Theaters more softer work and a little Floyd. Again: I love it!
 
Oh f_ck, the bloody thing messed up al my sweet crosses..
I see I'm not able to make such a table in this BBS-texteditor thing, I'll go and make a .bmp or something. I'll be back.
 
Great tune fellas,
Great recording on the vox BD.....
There are moments when you are straining to stay in key...a little waivering here and there but overall really good...
I am digging the lead spots on the guit...great tone man...good playing..
Bass is super tight and good tone...
nice mix...good spatial seperation...
Drums are tight and sound good but, could use some more fills....
I suck at drums myself....this is super good though...

The lyric is really good BD......writing kudos BD ;)

Rock on Fellas,
Joe
 
Here it is.. such a lot of effort for such a small thing/ suggestion/ whatever.

Anyhow:
 

Attachments

F_cksia,
Thanks a lot for the listen, and the comps! Two things.....I didn't give Toki much to work with and he's working night shift...kinda runnin on empty. We plan to re-do it soon, thanks for the advice on the drums. For some reason, I can't get any hyperlinks to work this morning! I don't know if it's the server or if it's me! I'll try again this afternoon. I appreciate you taking the time to chart it out for me, maybe I'll try my hand at programming the DR5!

Joro,
Thanks for the kudos man. I don't think there's ever been any question about Toki's bass work, he's the man! VOX...well, I'm workin on it, lol! Hey, haven't heard from Ralph lately, he must be REALLY hung over! Thanks for the listen.


bd
 
The vocal was good and the recording sounds decent, although I thought I heard the vocals clipping early on (at 1:29?). Nice build of dynamics. What really needs work are the lyrics, IMO. I know this all came from the heart and writing good lyrics is something we all struggle with, but I think you've got one cliche too many in here. My advice would be this: everytime you write a line that sounds like something you've heard a thousand times before, instead of thinking "yeah, that sounds right", which is what most of us do, think "how can I say this another way?" The irony is that platitudes about love may be true but are not convincing precisely because they are someone else's words.
 
I`ll take the hit on the drums for you bdbdbbuck, since instead of putting a new drum line on there for you I just put some new tones on the original pattern. I was jus too dang tired and brain dead to go that far. Forgiveness is often much easier to get than Permission :)

F__ksia, I understand the perc chart, they are hard to draw on 'puter unless you got grid lines at 96. ;)
What your saying is in the scene changes, changing the kick from a
"1 x an3 x" to "1 x 3an x"
changes the meter from a brisk walk to a more open jog without changing tempo. It`s a mind math illusion thing. It would have been proper to change the meter in those rising scene parts, especially at the vamp, as you depicted. And, moving the right hand to a ride gives it even more illusion of lift. You have revealed yourself to us. you..., you..., "Beat-Dr" :) I`m glad it grated on you, that lets me know lots about you.

The bass drum was hot pretty much thoughout and I didnt go back in and soften it in the early part of the tune. it was a wav file of a kit pattern and I would have had to come back for another day on jus that. Why? cause I`m old and slow as a millenium clock, and had it soloed with a guitar when i put the bass on, went ahead and burned to stereo then to cd without going back. Man i was tired.....but wanted to get buck something back soon.

Vox was still hot in a couple of places after eq, compression, and balancing, but I didn't want the limiter to mash anything.

The "fadeout"..... hehehe. He was playing so good in the end I wanted to keep every bit of it up, and did till the last couple of notes of the harmony guitars. Then it was... "the end" oops! :) I opted NOT to go cut any of it off in order to get a better fade...

generally, I had fun screwing this up. :)

Flog me harder Master!! :D


It was blast working on that tune bdbdbuck!!
The clinic examination is a cool rush aint it? you won`t die..
good sharp folks here man... :)

"Together we construct, learn, and grow in community balance, ... alone, we just wonder...."

Toke

note: I`m not an engineer and probly defied most all the pages in the book, but it's damn sure fun. I think this is all chrisharris' fault anyways!! :)
 
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Ashulman,
Thanks for the listen man, I'll take your lyrics advice and file it away for the next one.......this one's too far down the road. I hear what you're saying with regard to the irony, as songwriters we'll probably never have anything truly original in the love songs we write, and as time goes on it will become increasingly difficult...love songs are the worst.

Toki,
I don't know if I ever officially gave you the appropriate "Thank You" you deserve for doing this with me, but Thanks a million man! The drum track turned out better than it was, so that's a real plus in my book. I'm really glad you enjoyed working on it, I learned a lot about my recording techniques that could only be classified as LAZY, just by listening to how you put it together in the mix. Then posting it here in the clinic, has been a constant flow of good solid helpful information........thanks for talking me into it! A few years from now, I'll be able to say it's YOUR fault!!!!!!

:D :D

bd
 
Hey buck.

Cool feel to the song. I liked the vocal performance. But I didn't care for the tracking and/or processing of them. Something in their tone just didn't appeal to me. It almost sounds as if they clipped. Personally, I think double tracking them would work well on this one (I know I say that a lot, but then I like it a lot). Maybe give them a little warmth with an EQ boost in the low-mids and a cut in the mids. But I'll say again - double tracking would float my boat.

I liked all the guitar tones you have working on this one. I think the flanging is what sets up the whole ambience to the song.

Toki - the bass sounded simply first rate. I have the crappy headphones, but I can still tell it's a killer.
 
TripleM,
My thoughts exactly on the tracking of the guitars, I did an acoustic tune where I actually was inputting 3 signals into two tracks with a little creative panning and it turned out really good. I'll be trying that next time. Thanks for the listen and the suggestions. I just keep getting great stuff here that is opening my mind to the kind of creativity that goes on in this clinic, and I can't thank you all enough.

bd
 
Man, this was a good idea. I got a little confused by the family posts, lol...but I'm assuming that your kid is as big a smart#$% as my daughter, and that this is you singing, bd... The song itself is not so noticeably dynamic, but it starts and ends with a very different feel...so I'd say it builds on itself in a cool way; Toki987's on my Christmas card list when it comes to that whole "construction aspect."

Damn, it's driving me nuts who you sorta' sound like...it's not Paul Rogers, but the song reminds me of maybe an old school Bad Company thing...

it'll come to me. Anyhoo...Cool job all the way around. I'll throw in my vote of agreement for "kick is too loud" in parts also, only b/c it sounds perfect on my monitors, and that usually means that it's too hot, lol...Is there a way where you could just sort of drop it 3 db at the beginning and envelope it up as the tune builds so that it ends up back at 0 about 3/4 of the way through?

TripleM said:
vocal ... It almost sounds as if they clipped.
Click to expand...
LOL...I kept reading and reading to see if anybody else was hearing that. This would be my big negative. I'm getting distortion on the hotter parts of the vocal

I'm also getting a plosive @3:20 on "powerless" than needs a tweak too.

SWEEEEEET
 
i really like the bass......the guitars are clean and have quite a bit of space...almost too much............

the vocal could maybe even go up a tad...........nice song
 
Chris,
Thanks for listening! Yeah, my little girl is on here somewhere, but she gets her attitude from her mother, lol. I've got a son on here too, and reading his most recent posts I'd say he's having a hard time accepting our most recent resident critic....whatever alias he's going by today. BTW, I think I know who it is but I'm holdin my cards for a while.
I really appreciate (and value) your critique man, and I'm really glad you took the time to listen. Toki's definitely on the Christmas card list for sure! Honestly, I didn't hear the clipping, but uh....the plosive......guilty as charged! I gotta get one of those pop filters. Funny, years ago I used to know how to control that stuff but now it seems everything I do has at least one POP! We'll fix that kick on the next go round.

Powderfinger
Thanks for listening, I'm glad you liked it and I appreciate the feedback. I'm taking it all in.

bd
 
bdbdbuck said:
Chris,
I've got a son on here too, and reading his most recent posts I'd say he's having a hard time accepting our most recent resident critic....whatever alias he's going by today.

Nope!------------I'm havin' fun!
-oko
Click to expand...
 
Sorry Joe,
What with all the stuff goin on here, I lost your post on the second page. I think all that stuff has blown over now. The super dick is acting like he's goin on tour now. I'm sure he'll be back in the near future just to keep up the facade (perhaps a ficticious post from the UK or someplace like that). Things got a little blown out of proportion at times, but that's exactly what the buttwipe wanted. I know you're home for the weekend, so do some recording! Let's get this forum back to normal.


bd
 
In all honesty I was not very into this in the begining on first listen - but dang did this thing grow! What an emotional build up! "Powerless" is powerful!

At 1:33 it seems the synth part is not as loud as it should be.

As far as the guitar panning, this is what I would do (so ignore this comment if you like). I'd bring the left guitar center because I think guitar parts with chorus just sit better center. But to keep the good stereo image I'd duplicate the part that's currently panned right, pan those hard, and offset one with just enough delay to get a good stereo image.

There's a pretty strong "p" in the last "powerless". I would try to address that with some fader automation, especially because it's the last time you say "powerless".

Ooooh that outro! That was so good! Why didn't you keep going? My head was ready to start banging and it disappeared. Oh well, great job on this tune guys! This would be a fun tune to play live.
 
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