final draft of a song i wrote awhile ago

  • Thread starter Thread starter kylosius
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kylosius

I Like Rusty Spoons
yeah, i know i've posted this before but here is the final draft of it. i may still make changes to this but probably won't. it's a straight forward punk song (except the recording i'm posting is acoustic). let me know what you think (i'm a "less is more" type of writer). i know this is a songwriting forum, but i was also wondering if i pulled off the "live sound" on the recording. listen to it here www.nowhereradio.com/emopunker/singles


WHERE HAS EVERYONE GONE?
words and sounds by kyle von bergen

Where has everyone gone?
It seems they left and moved along
so now it's just me and you
and we're sitting here all alone

Where has our shame gone?
It seems it left when you came along
So where do we go from here
Should we keep going until the sun comes up?

(chorus)
And we know this can't last forever
but it sure feels like it will
you say hold me close until it's dawn
before this magic is all gone?

where has everyone gone?
it seems I awoke and they're all gone
was this all just a dream
or a fucked up part of my reality?

(chorus)
And we know this can't last forever
but it sure feels like it will
you say hold me close until it's dawn
before this magic is all gone?
 
hey I like it. Im a sucker for DIY emo punk acoustic songs tho hehe. The guitar needs to be tightened up...theres a couple spots where the change is slightly off the beat.

I like it acoustic...might consider tracking it that way.

cool tune!
 
hey,
yeah! i like the guitar.
The song's got a lot of promise, i think you might work some more on the singing. I think that's something that will improve in time if you don't give up on it. I'm envious of those people born with perfect pitch, cause it's been a long struggle for me (though one I'd do a thousand times over :p ).

I can hear your heart coming out through the song. And it seems that generally, the more you play the more closely you can express that feeling inside you.

It takes balls to post your music online and accept the criticism. I hope that helps.
 
I like it, but the chord progression on the verses reminds me of crocodile rock.

It's very sweet though.
 
I didn't mean sweet in a patronizing way. Language gap between the genders.. I apologize.

I meant sweet as in 'it is a moving ballad'.
 
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