figured I'd try to write lyrics again...

[SEDstar]

a guy here was talking in a thread a few months away, and he was taking suggestions for song ideas, with the theme "what he would tell his son"

we all had ideas, mine was to teach him to "take one step forward... and fire away..."

I doubt anyone used it, and I somehow liked that line...

couldn't compose anything substantial the last couple days, so I figured I'd take a crack at fleshing it out.


opinions?

one, one, and one
-----------------

Out... in the night...
scared to... fight it, m-friend said,
mmmmm, j-cant hide it... anyway...
s-stand back, let 'em attack.
'n take one step forward...
and fire away.
think we gave about half of what we got
for naught
we said we aint goin home... but they won any way

On the way home, I screamed...
(2 voice round)
Oh... one!

Lost out... Desert night...
waitin... for the big fight...no friends, I said...
mmmm-boys don't hide it.... my way...
j-stand back, let 'em attack...
'n we'll take one step forward...
and fire away.
they say we gave more than we got,
still say its for naught
saw my boy, he aint goin' home...but we won anyway

On the way home, I screamed....
(2 voice round)
one!... one!

Bottomed out... tonight, its gotta end
now, j-cant fight it
two dead friend can't hide it, no way...
I stand back, I let her attack...
she took one step forward...
and fired a way.
She said... give it up, we ain't never goin home
we'll just keep what we got
and nobody wins today.

I guess thats okay...
I guess I Finally broke even...

(3 voice round)
one ... one... one. ..

 

[up-fiddler]

Mixed messages???

I like the way it reads. I am a big fan of short phrases to add power and emphasis. I must be honest though.....I'm not certain I understand the story line. It reads (To me anyway.) like an Aussie battle song. But then the last verse seems to suggest a love lost type of theme. Perhaps I haven't had enough coffee yet this morning.

 

[SEDstar]

...

well, a record of 1-1-1 is one win, one loss, and a tie

they had to fight when out, his friends words gave him courage... and they lost anyways (0-1)

in battle? kids were now looking to HIM for words of courage. He used his friends words (which they lost that fight back then...) and they held up and won... he's 1-1

in the last one, when I was done... I saw the ambiguity, it wasnt clear if they reconciled, or just agreed to separate... somehow liked the vagueness of it. Gives listeners somethign to argue about.

I felt he lost one, won one, then... arguing with the wife, he was either going to win or lose... she pre-empted him, nobody wins, we quit arguing.

left it ambiguous though, seemed to make it better i thought.

 

[up-fiddler]

I ALMOST used the word ambigous in my post when talking about the third verse. I, too, like the idea of leaving it up to the listener and do that often to end a tune. The won/lost/tie I missed completely but may have gotten if I had heard it set to music. Clever song theme. +1

 

[gecko zzed]

You have a great set of lyrics there . . . punchy, unpretentious and rich with suggested meaning.

I'd be interested in hearing how they sit in with some music

 

[SEDstar]

...

good god, my mentor approved of something... "NOW what do I do?" as I hadn't planned that far ahead, LMAO

never successfully added music to lyrics before, lol

*shrugs*

mebbe I can start with open chords, try to keep it lyrically driven. Either that or raid Elton John's trash cans...