I will be as honest as possible:
The song is great, really great (who wrote it?) The lyrics are very cool, and well thought through. (mir)
The singer's vocal quality is excellent, a unique and recognizable quality to it. In tune, etc....Drummer needs to be more agressive on fills and break ins.
The mix, well, the mix needs a lot of work. It sounds like a rough mix at best. Most A & R guys (I used to be one) would probably listen to this based on the vocals alone, but if were someone else singing, would turn it off based on the poor mix.
Suggestions? Listen..... do the levels of each track sound even throughout? Keep vocals in front and even throughout.
Are you balancing each track against every other track individually?
Are you monitoring on headphones? Listen to it on everything from PC speakers to your car stereo, then remix. I know that once you have spent hours on end listening to a song, it all runs together. Maybe you should let someone else in the studio, or take a rest from it for a week or so?
I played this for a few knowledgable producers/musicians and they all agreed - the song/singer is great, the arrangement is good (except for that breakdown at 2:20 I would cut it completely, it breaks the momentum - and the song just kind of ends), the mix needs work.
Edit - the secretary where I work just walked back here and "Who is this?" She is in her 20's. Wants me to make her a copy. A great compliment. You really may have something here - may be worth going into a pro studio. I didn't care much for the other song, try to stay in the style of "Mir".
Respectfully,
Mr. SM 57