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Crystal Flavolian
Also, I'd like to state for the record, that I hold the highest respect for a good soundman, both live, and studio (there is a difference). It certainly does take, not only experience, and an acquired skill, but a good ear, and a natural "gift" (ability). Unfortunately, just like musicians, there are a lot that love it, and do it because so, but really don't have the skill, or ear. Often, the smaller club area is where the good, and bad begin. So, a band that has never played out, or one that travels without a sound crew, has no idea what to expect. When I was at that stage, I quickly learned not to leave it to chance, and to take control of the few things that I could.
There's nothing wrong with being assertive, but it can be taken too far. More than once while running sound in one of those small rooms (and BTW, marginal PA systems in small acoustically reflective rooms are much more challenging from a sound engineer's perspective than a big system on an outdoor stage), I have encountered guitarists (and bassists, and keyboardists, but it's usually a guitarist) who insisted on playing for the room from the stage, and played so loud that there was no way I could get the vocals up out of the resulting morass through the meager PA system in the joint. They could not be dissuaded; everything sounded great from where they were standing. Out front it was a different story.
I'm not bashing anybody; it's usually more a matter of perspective than anything else, but sometimes when the sound guy asks you to turn down, he knows what he is doing. You may not know all the compromises with the gear, the room, the management (the manager may insist that the SPL be low enough for the bartenders to hear the drink orders, for example), etc. that must be made for a comfortable even mix out front in that particular room, and the mix for the audience is (or should be) of paramount importance to everyone involved. Frankly, if it comes down to a choice between a good mix on stage and a good mix out front (as it often does in a small room), the mix out front always wins, IMO.