Ok, I'll try to post a critique before I post my own. Considering how broad the rules were, it's hard to critique as well. Maybe next time we can make stuff more specific topic wise.
analog4 said:
A song for Walter
The eagle took to the air screaming
While all cowered to clear her path
She flew to the Afghan Mountains
And there she unleashed her wrath.
She said if you're not for me
Then you're against me
In this let there be no doubt
All you better heed my warning
For justice will prevail she did shout
Chorus:
Boy,What were you thinking
Couldn't you separate church and state
Innocents killed in the name of religion
Now the court will sit
In judgement on your fate
Now the court will sit
In judgement on your fate
Some are gonna call you a sinner
Some may even call you a saint
You may call yourself a freedom fighter
But accomplis to mass murder
Will read the complaint.
Chorus and fini.
I like the opening verse: the visual of the eagle really starts working for me!
The only problem I have is that well, it doesn't seem to match the rest of the song. "For justice will prevail she did shout"... after that, it's almost as if there is a transition that is missing... say, the eagle finding one of it's own, betraying it or something. That's the only complaint I have. The silabyls flow together, but then again it's hard to know without music.
Saturday I wrote and recorded mine. Here's the words, along with my minimalist approach. They're messed up & not nice, so if it's not your bag I understand. Next time we'll do more "happy thoughts".
Bite Your Lip
You could live or you could die
either way, I won't cry
Death is way too easy for you
pathetic little boy
what did those people do to you?
Bit your lip when the order came through
I cried all night for them,
but I feel nothing, for you
If you die
then that's fine
I'm fine
That's fine
You could live or you could die
either way, I wont cry
let me lay it out for you
pathetic little boy
You just let that shit be done
in the back you stabbed everyone
all those who died that day
so now fucker it's time to pay
And that's fine
I'm fine
That's fine
I'm fine.
I'll try to post the rough recording of this sometime soon.