Writing & recording procedures...

[Pedullist]

After a few weeks of posting and listening I've gotten insanely interested in how you all write and record your music...especially the more regular posting folks in the clinic. This is an attempt to get to know you guys better, to 'understand' your music, to unasciify the people behind the avatars & fake names.

(yeah, I know...we should keep threads like these out of the clinic to make room for the mixes, but I have no idea where else to post it without getting posts by people I hardly know If no one appears to be interested I'll delete this thread, ok? And as soon as I see this thread is good fun, I'll add my own procedures...

Here are some questions to help you understand what kind of information I'm looking for. The things that pop up when I'm listening to your music. (I'm not asking you to answer them all, just tell me the story you like to tell):

- Do you compose on guitar or piano first or by noodling around on your pc? ('noodling' not meant in a negative way! )
- Do you prefer to write lyrics first, then music or the other way around? (or at the same time)
- Do you record quick demo's first and decide later whether you proceed or do you aim for the final product directly?
- Do you ever write and record at the same time?
- Do you record on a computer, hardware only, or both?
- How's your relationship with the almighty click? (this one is for Sluice mainly, because his music often has multiple tempo ratios)
- What's your studio like?
- How would you describe your equipment? Amateur, pro, semi-pro?
- How do you stay focused and fresh? Do you listen to lots of other music or none?
- What are your main influences?

You'll get it, I presume.

I hope you all would like to tell me your procedures!

 

[James Argo]

Good thread..

I'll go first... Dunno much to say, so I'll quote your Q's and answer...

- Do you compose on guitar or piano first or by noodling around on your pc?

Yes... I composed basic part on guitar/piano/violin first. I never use "pencil and papers". When I think it's "enough", then I'll go PC straight to work further on the idea.

- Do you prefer to write lyrics first, then music or the other way around? (or at the same time)

Usualy, music goes first. Ocasionally, the idea behind the lyric goes first. So I got a good topic in my head, and make a notes. Work on the music, and complete the lyrics. I even sometime change the lyrics after mix and re-produce the song. I'm not that good writing lyrics, that's why I'd prefer instrumental

- Do you record quick demo's first and decide later whether you proceed or do you aim for the final product directly?

Make the simple patern & "quick demo" first.

- Do you ever write and record at the same time?

Nope. At least not at the same time. I'll sit down and think for the basic idea, make a quick sequence, and hear if it's good enough to work on.

- Do you record on a computer, hardware only, or both?

Computer. It's been long time since I sold my old 4 track Fostex recorder.

- How's your relationship with the almighty click? (this one is for Sluice mainly, because his music often has multiple tempo ratios)

Master your Cakewalk, and no problem with any tempo change at all...

- What's your studio like?

Bed room... Actually, I got three rooms inside my music lab. One is Instrument room, where I put drums, guitar, bass, amps, etc... One vocal booth (which I never used cause I rare sing ) One for recording/mixing where my DAW is.

- How would you describe your equipment? Amateur, pro, semi-pro?

Amateur to Semi Pro...

- How do you stay focused and fresh? Do you listen to lots of other music or none?

Yup, I listened to as many genre as I can. As many quality as I can. As many times as I can... We just need a propher time to listen to right stuff to keep fresh.

- What are your main influences

Milli Vanilly.....





























kiddin'
Yanni, Kitaro, Secret Garden, Aerosmith, Bruce Springstein, the Rolling Stones, Guns N' Roses, Metallica, Gary Moore, many many many Orchestra guys you wouldn't know...

 

[Pedullist]

Re: Good thread..

many many many Orchestra guys you wouldn't know...

Try me...

 

[Stratomaster]

Aaaahh, my/our procedures-

I compose mostly on guitar, though occasionally I have "imagined" a song into existence-meaning I'll think of a beat I think would be good-and sort of add parts in my head and then figure them out on an instrument after....I play in a band, so sometimes we come up with stuff just jamming around-or me and the singer will use a drum machine and see if different beats inspire anything-or me and the drummer will jam bass and drums to try to come up with a groove.

Luckily my singer writes the lyrics-I'll sometimes make suggestions or I'll have a melody idea that I think the music suggests-but lyrics is not my department for the most part.

We go straight for the best product we can

We don't write and record at the same time-we rehearse the songs-work out the parts then record

These days we record straight to the computer-(cakewalk-next batch will be sonar)-through a tascam board

Click tracks-good question-up till now we used one-layed down a guide guitar(which is almost always kept ) bass and guide vocals-then layed down drums-but this method didnt jive to well with the drummer-example--it took months to do the drums for 10 songs using a click-we then recorded drums with live guitar-and were able to get 5 good drum tracks in a day! though not in perfect time they have a live feel that the click track stuff is missing.

Right now our studio is non-existant, mostly in storage-it was in the singers basement till he moved-he put up walls so we had a seperate tracking room.

I'd say our equipment is definetely semi-pro-a tascam tmd1000 board into a tasc. pci822 soundcard into cakewalk. Our flagship mic is a akgc4000 lol we've got a bunch of oktava stuff 2 319's-2 mc012-2 sm57 1 sm58-a shure bassdrum mic and a few other dynamics. We've got some good guitars and amps-marshall-boogie-ampeg bass amp-fender-prs-larrive-danelectro guitars among others.

I dont stay focused or fresh -I listen to music mostly in the car driving to work and here in the clinic-in the past I listened to everything I could-all day long-I prefer college radio-and friends will loan me stuff-I buy a few cd's a year I'd say.

Hmm main influences-I started out a zeppelin freak as a kid-then got into rush-then moved into the u2-rem, talking heads and pixies. Nowadays my faves are radiohead and the flaming lips-I like so much music really-I still love motown and phil spector stuff-african music-jazz-some older metal-you name it..though im not too interested in the stuff I hear on regular fm radio these days.

Well thats my story (getting payed to type this at work )

NEEEXT!!!

 

[James Argo]

Try me...

Abdul Hassan & his Orchestra

Bezina & Oriental Orchestra

An-Nageeb & Kheilm Orchestra

Bono & UNPAR Choir Orchestra

Idris Sardi & TNI Orchestra (Indonesian ARMY Orchestra)

Adie MS & Twilight Orchestra

Erwin G & his Orchestra

etc... etc...


Jaymz

 

[Pedullist]

I would love to hear 'm all (indeed, I don't know any of them)....I know Bono, although I didn't know he called his band U2 the UNPAR Choir Orchestra? LOL

Stratomaster, thanks for responding...and your cd is on its way!

 

[joro]

I noodle....




I aint got no good theory......



If it sounds decent...
I record it.....
then I add to it....

or others add to it........
or both........



hodge-podge.....that's me

 

[muzeman]

I'm not a regular poster lately,but I'll bite!

- Do you compose on guitar or piano first or by noodling around on your pc? ('noodling' not meant in a negative way!-
Always on guitar.

- Do you prefer to write lyrics first, then music or the other way around? (or at the same time)-
Depends which comes first.

- Do you record quick demo's first and decide later whether you proceed or do you aim for the final product directly?-
Quick demo.

- Do you ever write and record at the same time?-
Never.

- Do you record on a computer, hardware only, or both?-
Daw.

- How's your relationship with the almighty click? (this one is for Sluice mainly, because his music often has multiple tempo ratios)-We have a good relationship,I always record a basic drum track first to replace the click.

- What's your studio like?
Small but nice.
-
How would you describe your equipment? Amateur, pro, semi-pro?-
Semi pro.

- How do you stay focused and fresh? Do you listen to lots of other music or none?-
I don't think Iv'e been focused or fresh for about 20 years,but I listen to lots of other music.

- What are your main influences?-
Everything from Bach to the Who,I like em all!

Pete

 

[demensia]

Heres my gig.

I write everything on my acoustic guitar (yes, even the metal shit)
If I think It would sound good electric, I record electric...

As soon as I come up with more than one part I record them real quick before I forget.. Then I spend the rest of the day obsessing over how good I can make it sound and I completely shut myself off from the rest of the world because I have to get all the tracks down NOW.

After a few hours I have a killer mix that sounds fantastic, the next day I listen to it, realize how much it sucks and why I should never have posted it in the clinic for people to hear.

My studio is a bedroom... well... actually its a studio with a bed in it. The gears amature... some m-audio stuff, behringer shit, digital effects, mics .. shure sm57 and pg81.

I forgot the rest of the questions.

I listen to alot of Days of the New... AIC.. Most of my greatest influences are local musicians that just jam out in their bedrooms.. Nobody will ever hear them and its sad.

I dispise click tracks mainly because I dont have the patience to set up a multi tempo one... It also seems like when I am recording with a click.. it takes alot of the feeling away.. I'm too worried about keeping it perfect with the click and I dont have a chance to feel the music (usually utter misery) comming out of me.

I write lyrics whenever I think to sit down and do it, and then I write music and try and make something fit from the big notebook of death... it all sucks.

I'm delving into the world of doing it right.. Got my computer all covered up with blankets, and I unplug anything that could potentially make noise while tracking (heater/ac)... I ALWAYS FORGET THE GOD DAMN CELL PHONE! ALWAYS. Figuring out that that one dog barking in the back of my track IS going to be a problem so I better re-record... Learning that mixes come out MUCH better when I take my time.. do a little in the morning, take off for a while.. come back listen again... make a few changes and so on.

Anyway.. Hey I kind of like this question.. why dont you ask me some more about myself.

 

[crawdad]

I just type a bunch of chords into that Band In A Box and let it generate a melody for me!

Seriously, I start with writing a song on piano or guitar. Usually, a bit of music coupled with some IDEA of what I want to say kicks things off. During this process, I sometimes do a simple guitar or piano + voice on the computer--just for a reference. Used to use a cassette deck till my son made it disappear! No click at this point.

Next step--burn the demo off to a CD and listen to it in the car for a while. Usually, new ideas emerge, so I eventually go back to rewriting the song. When I feel like I have the lyrics, melody and general feel worked out pretty well, then I shoot for the "real" take on computer DAW.

At this point, I use a click. I make a simple drum loop and get a guide track down--usually piano, but sometimes guitar. Then I work out the real drum part and program that. From there I add a first take vocal and then do the guitar(s) and any other instrumental overdubs, except solos and fills.

Next, a final vocal and BG vocals if needed. Spend about ten years on the mix and, presto! A new song is born!

Influences? Oh man! So Many! Musically, I love all the old country and blues guys, the early rockers, the folkies and folk-rockers, big band crooners, jazz greats like Miles, Coltrane and Wes Montgomery, all the great pop songwriters, the singer songwriters--esp James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Jackson Browne; the Beatles, the British Invasion groups, bluegrass singers and pickers, Bach, Jeff Beck, Eric Johnson, Barney Kessel, soul singers like Al Green, Otis Redding, Wilson Pickett, Aretha Franklin; Randy newman, Ry Cooder, Stevie Wonder, Allman Brothers, CSNY,...on and on. In terms of writing, I admire and value the great songwriters more than anything.

 

[Pedullist]

This thread turns out to be valuable and fun...cool! Thanks for responding, people! Very interesting!

I guess I'll have to add my own procedures:

Two friends of mine play in a band, and they write songs for this band. Unfortunately for them, the singer sometimes refuses to sing the lyrics. Fortunately for me (and in a way: for them) I get the refused 'old shoebox' lyrics After a few weeks of staring at the lyrics, they slowly become a part of me. I often find myself singing parts of the lyrics in the bus or tram. Those are the early beginnings of a new song.

I usually write everything, based on the aforementioned early 'demo's', on the couch on my acoustic guitar (sometimes piano or harmonium). As soon as it sounds like something that could be fun, I run to my little studio to record a quick demo (this is something I just started doing, btw....I usually aimed for the final thing immediately). This demo is just voice and guitar, a quick presentation of all parts of the song (if anyone's interested: I still got the 'quick' demo of Ik Ben Een Lul....PM me if you want to hear it)

Then I let it rest for a week, to get used to it, to let it grow. I start arranging it in the bus or tram (in my head) thinking of arrangements, parts and rhythms that suit the lyrics. I'm not into the singer/songwriter type of recording, only consisting of a vocal and a guitar. It's not that I'm against it, I just happen to like dense arrangements with a lot of stuff going on...

Then I pick an evening (when my wife is out of the house, can't sing when she's around...it's stupid, I know) to record the song. It can go pretty fast, because the whole thing is in my head already. I usually record it in 4 or 5 hours in a rather fuzzy mindstate. I just have to, because my wife never leaves the house for longer than 4 hours After that, I'm a bit like Crawdad: I spend weeks on 'humanizing' the drumparts, adding minor stuff, redoing leads and choruses when necessary.

Then I let it rest, mail it to my lyricists and wait for their comments. After that I'll listen to it again, change/add some, to see if they're right. If it works, it's a keeper. Then I mix it and upload it to NWR.

I love my clicktrack, although I can play perfectly 'around it'. The clicktrack makes it easier to build up the song. It's still my wish to record something without it, though.

My studio is just a PC in a room in our house, and the room is not even soundproof. I live in an apartment so it can be quite annoying to wait for the neighbour to stop drilling when you have to sing a lead. A list of my recording equipment can be found on my biography page on NWR. I like to use my computer as much as possible. Almost no external hardware. I can hardly call it pro either...(I'm using an Audigy and Cakewalk HS2002 )

I like to listen to as much other music as I can digest, ranging from classical to jazz to folkmusic to pop to metal.

A small list of my influences:

Doe Maar/Henny Vrienten, Self, Mike Keneally, XTC, Dave Douglas, Uri Caine, Bobby Previte, Claude Debussy, John Adams, Alfred Schnittke, Terry Riley, Rush, Radiohead, Supergrass, Blur, Carcass, Opeth, Lost Tribe, Bela Fleck & the Flecktones, Gravediggaz, The Roots, Autechre, Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Dave Fiuczynski, Screaming Headless Torsos, Moloko, Tom Waits, Marc Ribot, Miles Davis, Mahavishnu Orchestra, Prince, Albanian & Greek folkmusic, the list goes on and on

 

[VesuviusJay]

Well usually the axe comes to me first. But occationally the lyrics come first.

I usually have a 2 phrase chord progression first. Then as I am sequencing the drums I add bridges, breaks, etc.

Haven't written and recorded yet. Although recording has helped me produce material real quick.

I record into the PC only. I never use click, PCdrummer enables me to sequence in whatever time sig I want, so I sequence the changes into the drum beats.

My studio is awesome to me! I have a workstation in my living room with the monitor equipment, and snake cable running into a sound room in an external garage.

My equipment is amateur, my ear is pro.

I listen to so much other music. I get bored real easy with music so I always have to stay fresh.

My influences are anything I've ever heard before in music that I've liked.

Jay

 

[Pedullist]

Bump

C'mon guys, gimme more!

 

[erichenryus]

ok, i don't post much music (something that will change soon) but when i write music everything supports the melody, which must come first. so i'll wind up singing a tune in my car on the way home from work or something like that and from there i'll develop a solid melodic idea first. i make sure that i get that captured somehow as soon as possible.

then i sit down at the piano and work out the rest, i like this part the best.

then i try to record.

then i start mixing, which is where everything goes downhill. once i get in front of the computer all creativity seems to vanish! LOL.

i listen to a lot of different music, i'm addicted to music that i haven't yet heard.

i have no idea where any of my musical ideas come from and i never try to force them, i believe the muse comes when she wants and i'm just thankful when she does.

 

[dtb]

here goes. I work at a golf course cutting grass. I normally start around 6-6:30 am and have days I stay on one mower for 4 to 6 hours. that's where I come up with 90% of my lyrics. It will start with a phrase or line that I use as a chorus, and then other lines come and go. Then I'll get home and get the old guitar out and find a tune to the chorus (doesn't take long, since I only know 3 chords). Once I get a chorus down, and at least one line of verse, I use a mic and record into my 788. and then I listen back over and over while I'm figuring out some more verse. When words start to slow down, then I play melodies on the mando with what I have so far. and normally it evolves until a have something to really work with. This works for me most of the time. All my recording is done on the 788, with pres and condenser mics. I use acoustic instruments, guitars, mando, banjo, and am just starting to use an A/C acoustic I just got. Sometimes I'll use the strat, but it's rare. My stuff is just set up in the basement in a little corner. No studio setting. I have a bunch of friends that come over and we play and jam every week. Bluegrass guys come on Wed. nite, and another pal comes on Mon. nite who plays keyboard. Just a good reason to get fucked up and drink many beers. he he he I gigged for 10-12 years on the bluegrass circuit with these fellows, so Wed. nite is fun. most of us have known each other for 30-35 years. Influences are anything bluegrass. but I do listen to almost anything except rap and hip-hop (not that there's anything wrong with that misc). I like blues too. and folkish type stuff. To mention just a few, Tony Rice, Grisman, Chris Thele, Sam Bush, are among my favs. I really like Peter Rowan a lot. I would say my recording gear is very amature, but my guitar is tops. This is just a great hobby for me. My wife enjoys my music, as well as the jamming I do with our friends. She did, and can still play a mean rythum guitar when we get into the bluegrass thing. She used to play when we gigged, along with one of the other guys wife. She likes to do the bongos or shakers now when we jam. I will make one statement. Out of all the friends we have, and had, over the 29 years we've been married, the ones that played music together, are still married to the same spouse. many, many others have gone thru the usual divorce, re-marry, move away deal. I kinda like that, don't you? And my wife goes to the Conn. jamfest too. That's great.

dtb

 

[Jamal Bucket]

90% of the time...i have the lyrics pretty much done before i ever pick up the guitar ..
then i mess around trying diff licks that have been in my head for a while and try to mold one around the lyrics...cadence wise and feel wise...then ..a few rewrites later..hit the red button.

afterall that i send my totally unlistenable rough mix to someone else to mix and make better cause i KNOW that it needs that .


jamal

 

[homeuser]

Nothing posted yet, but hopefully that will change soon.

Q) Do you compose on guitar or piano first or by noodling around on your pc?

A) I just jam on the keys, a melody will start to evolve then I lay down a bass/rythm track and see if it holds my interest enough to continue.

Q) Do you prefer to write lyrics first, then music or the other way around? (or at the same time)

Music always comes first for me. I write lyrics based on the overall feel or groove of the music. To write lyrics first I would think you might need to have decent poetry skills, which I don't have.

Q) Do you record quick demo's first and decide later whether you proceed or do you aim for the final product directly?

A) Everything goes to midi, so it's always a work in progress until it's "done". The only aiming I do is to keep the song under 4 minutes.

Q) Do you ever write and record at the same time?

A) Well, since it's all midi based, yes.

Q) Do you record on a computer, hardware only, or both?

A) Everything is PC based.

Q) How's your relationship with the almighty click?

A) I always record with a click happening. Then I go back and "humanize" everything.

Q) What's your studio like?

A) Currrently 3 years in the making. I use 1 PC for midi/audio recording via Cakewalk Proaudio 9. I have several sound modules and drum machines, I also have another PC that runs GigaStudio. My main controller/keyboard/synth is a Yamaha S80. I have a few external fx modules, J-Stations, Bass Pod Pro that I use to reamp sounds. I run EVERYTHING first to my digial mixer (Spirit M12) then I digitally send that sum to my audio pc. With my setup, what you hear live is pretty much what you get with the finished result. Shure KSM 44 Condensor mic and Voice Prism round out the vocal duties. (For those interested, my "band" is 100% virtual except for the vocals.)

Q) How would you describe your equipment? Amateur, pro, semi-pro?

A) You know, I honestly can't answer this. I always buy the best equipment "I" can afford at the time of the purchase. But I'd say my equipment borders on the pro/semi pro level.

Q) How do you stay focused and fresh?

A) That's my biggest problem. I find myself going on to the next "better sounding" song all the time. However I've finally commited myself to finishing 14 tracks for a CD. One tip I've learned for a DIY'r is to mix now, master later.

Q) Do you listen to lots of other music or none?

A) YES! Ofcourse. You can never limit your creative influences. I'm heavily into the pop/rock genere. But then again I'm also into anything that grabs me.

Q) What are your main influences?

A) Hmm.. music wise it has to be a collection from the following groups. Rush, Journey, Fuel, Tonic, Disturbed. I love Disturbed's simplistic style to heavy rock. But I also love the vocals and harmonies of Journey. But then again, the progressive musicianship of (older) Rush blows me away. I'm very big on lush, full, vocals with harmony. I'm totally into the 3:30 pop/rock song. To me it's a challenge to get the listener's attention and hold them there for a solid 3 minutes or so without them even turning away for 1 second. Perhaps this "thinking" is due to my own short attention span. LOL..

 

[Emeric]

- Do you compose on guitar or piano first or by noodling around on your pc? ('noodling' not meant in a negative way! )

Usually compose on guitar, the last bunch of stuff was composed on piano.

- Do you prefer to write lyrics first, then music or the other way around? (or at the same time)

Usually at the same time.

- Do you record quick demo's first and decide later whether you proceed or do you aim for the final product directly?

I write quick demo's first, but lose interest in the song so it ends up the final product.

- Do you ever write and record at the same time?

Yes.

- Do you record on a computer, hardware only, or both?

Computer.

- How's your relationship with the almighty click? (this one is for Sluice mainly, because his music often has multiple tempo ratios)

I prefer playing to a click if the song is supposed to keep straight time, otherwise just let it roll.

- What's your studio like?

Hole in the ground, but workable.

- How would you describe your equipment? Amateur, pro, semi-pro?

I get paid the odd time to record stuff, so I guess it most be pro. No, just run of the mill pro-sumer stuff. The odd nice piece of gear, but nothing extravagent.

- How do you stay focused and fresh? Do you listen to lots of other music or none?

Never really try to. If I find music is getting boring I just ignore it for long stretches and do something else. I listen to the same 5 CD's (pre 1975) in my cd player. No, I listen to new stuff, mainly here in the clinic, but I like to stream yahoo music the odd time.

- What are your main influences?

Beatles, Zep, Alice Cooper, Supertramp, Scott Joplin

 

[BluesMeister]

Hi Pedullist,

I have no avatar to hide behind. My terrestrial name is Frank (but you already knew that )

Excellent thread my man, worthy of three stars at least!

So far I haven't posted anything at MP3 clinic, those who are familiar with me will know why and will know when that will happen.

I have composed many tunes, some with, most without lyrics. I almost always compose sitting at the PC with my trusty Yamaha FG-300 acoustic in my lap. I'll find a lick or a melody that sounds good and transpose it into CakeWalk. I'll then set up the drum track and copy & paste for perhaps eight bars.

Then I find the chords that suit the melody and allow the song to develop from that point onward.

Sometimes I find that my tunes take on a life of their own and seem to head in a particular direction. Sometimes I don't like the direction the song is going in so I may abandon it (although I never delete abandoned songs).

Often I will just throw some interesting chords together and the melody develops from that. I also investigate more exotic scales to see what they can reveal. Two tunes of mine, The Occidental Tourist and Funky BassMent were developed in this way.

I was fooling around with a Phrygian mode one day and out popped a melody that eventually became the bridge passage for Happy Haven (See below). It's in a different key but sits extremely well with the main melody. I'm well pleased with that one

This I suppose constitutes writing and recording simultaneously, though I am working only in MIDI at this point.

I have an MS Word file at work that I use to jot down lyrics and phrases when they pop into my head. Some lyrics are quite dark and I find some of them deal with issues of failure and low self-esteem.

On one occasion I was playing my electric guitar and was so taken with a melody that I came up with that I recorded it immediately onto a Sony MiniDisc recorder. That tune, Happy Haven, will be posted one day. My electric guitars and amp are in a spare bedroom together with a crappy (as in noisy) two-channel mixer. This allows me to play my MiniDisc and my electric guitar and monitor on my ancient Sennheiser HD414 headphones to prevent my family having to listen to my dreadful playing

I have no studio per se, my computer is located in the study a short walk from the spare bedroom. My amp is a Mesa/Boogie DC-2 and far too heavy to lug into the study, so I bought a small TV unit on castors from Ikea so I can easily move it from room to room.

My computer equipment is not powerful enough to allow serious recording to take place at this time. My sound card is of semi-professional quality.

I have a small collection of CDs by anyone's standards. I keep some in the study and have recorded some tracks onto the MD for practising and learning. My preferred genre of music is sort of blues/jazz oriented. It's difficult to say who my influences are. If I had to name one player whom I wish I could play like, it would be Robben Ford. That Robben Ford & The Blue Line CD was a revelation to me. I also have Still Got The Blues by Gary Moore sitting here that I play quite often. There again I have a copy of the Nora Jones's CD on loan and I love its simple uncluttered production.

I don't expect everyone - or indeed anyone - to like my music. You'll get the opportunity someday to form your own opinion.

Sorry to have rambled on a bit - but you did ask

--
BluesMeister

 

[SLuiCe]

- How's your relationship with the almighty click? (this one is for Sluice mainly, because his music often has multiple tempo ratios)

I have multiple tempo ratios? Gosh, it's not intentional... I'd better start using a click!

or how about...

Oh man. I have Multiple Tempo Ratios? Can it be CURED!?!?

Of course I do.

I usually get a hi hat to play the length of the song acting like a click track, and I just program in the meter and tempo changes where necessary. That enables me to play right through without punch-ins, etc.

or

My music also often has multiple personalities, and of course, multiple instances of bad singing... but who's counting?