Would love to hear what you think of this original,...

  • Thread starter Thread starter New Guy
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Some nice clean playing there, good licks and clean recording. I think the bass should be centered and then another guitar to fill in the left channel. But it works this way too.

While it is well played and recorded clean, the song lost my interest a little over halfway through. It's the same drum pattern, same bass line and a bunch of guitar riffs. I like instrumentals, but they've got to tell a story same as a song with words.

Cool man, Thanks for sharing!!
 
Id definitely agree with the bass..seemed like everything was happening on either side of me at times..the drums just need more variation...

great recording and performance :)
 
Guitar playing is top notch and recording and sound is great. Drums are all bad and bass is not much better. I would almost like to hear it with just the guitar so I am not distracted by the bad stuff. Actually please do post just a gutar bounce.
 
Chili- Thanks for listening and giving honest feedback, I very much appreciate it. I agree the drums are very boring. I added a bunch of fills and it sounded really bad (drums in a can). So elected to go with a straight beat. Waiting for a real drummer. Again thank you for the listen and honest critique.


kcearl-Thank you for the listen and insight, I appreciate it!


TaintedDb-I really do appreciate your honesty, I agree with you. Thank you for the compliment on my playing.


Thank you guys for taking the time to listen, comment, and give insight. I very much appreciate it. :)
 
TaintedDb said:
Actually please do post just a gutar bounce.
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I just saw this, sorry I missed it. I am right now recording some stuff that I have a deadline on, but when that project is complete I will get back here and post it for you. Thanks again for the compliment on my guitar work.
 
This song is a bit loose at times and maybe that's a good thing. I'm not sure because I don't know my way around the guitar neck as well as you do. All I can say is that I enjoyed it.

Wig:)
 
New Guy said:
I just saw this, sorry I missed it. I am right now recording some stuff that I have a deadline on, but when that project is complete I will get back here and post it for you. Thanks again for the compliment on my guitar work.
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I am a life long drum player no turned over to the dark side of guitar. I have to pick out nits on drums. Your guitar work (though be it a fender lol) is good. A life swing drummer feel would give this song life.
 
OK. Love the guitfiddling...solid.

The bass pan L, I have no problem with: blues guitarist Johnny A. uses the similar thing, IIRC...and there's a tradition for it going back to early blues/rock records. The 'neat' 3 piece standard in a lot of records...and how it would sound in front of the stage to a listener. Not a problem for me.

Like the recorded sounds very much.

All good, so far.

But, yeah, the feel plods on. There's a glaring opportunity to do a couple things...double the time for a section or two...or change the drum feel...take it from a strut to a roll...have a guitar orgasm in the last third........or swing it, as suggested. Or all the above. Something to build dynamically, bring the story to a new chapter with every new cycle...then outro it per the intro cycle. Looking to maintain interest...and build excitement....then close the book, as it were.

Only one other nit: The close of the cycle goes F#7#9 / E7#9 / F#7#9.

That wants to STRONGLY [conventionally] resolve to B7. You take it from F#7, and resolve back to the E7.

That's kinda weak...and uncomfortable...but it works right up until the resolution to E7.

Two suggestions:

The way I'd handle it is to resolve to B7 for two bars...play a nice thematic lick or two, and then , naturally, comfortably resolve back to the E7...and continue on. You'd have a nice little quirk, and recurring theme, and take care of the weak resolution all at once. You could even record the sections apart from the rest, and edit the sections into what you got.

Or you could play the cap of the cycle [ E7 / F#7 B7 ] to get the ear ready for the trip back to E7...without doing anything but editing-in the changed note and chord in the bass and guitar.

But that still leaves you with an arrangement that says what it has to say in the first cycle.

As it stands, it'd be a great 30-second floor for commercial application. But it's not a 'song'.

And, in addition, one of the things you could do to make it a genuine 'song'..in the tradition sense...is to develop and play a thematic melody in the first and last cycle...something memorable, before wandering into the very nice noodling likkage. Something for a listener to glom on to. Convention, with an important purpose.

But, again, love your playing and recording skill!
 
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Dodgeaspen and xeries, thank you for the listen and compliments, I appreciate it!
 
jeffmaher said:
OK. Love the guitfiddling...solid.

The bass pan L, I have no problem with: blues guitarist Johnny A. uses the similar thing, IIRC...and there's a tradition for it going back to early blues/rock records. The 'neat' 3 piece standard in a lot of records...and how it would sound in front of the stage to a listener. Not a problem for me.

Like the recorded sounds very much.

All good, so far.

But, yeah, the feel plods on. There's a glaring opportunity to do a couple things...double the time for a section or two...or change the drum feel...take it from a strut to a roll...have a guitar orgasm in the last third........or swing it, as suggested. Or all the above. Something to build dynamically, bring the story to a new chapter with every new cycle...then outro it per the intro cycle. Looking to maintain interest...and build excitement....then close the book, as it were.

Only one other nit: The close of the cycle goes F#7#9 / E7#9 / F#7#9.

That wants to STRONGLY [conventionally] resolve to B7. You take it from F#7, and resolve back to the E7.

That's kinda weak...and uncomfortable...but it works right up until the resolution to E7.

Two suggestions:

The way I'd handle it is to resolve to B7 for two bars...play a nice thematic lick or two, and then , naturally, comfortably resolve back to the E7...and continue on. You'd have a nice little quirk, and recurring theme, and take care of the weak resolution all at once. You could even record the sections apart from the rest, and edit the sections into what you got.

Or you could play the cap of the cycle [ E7 / F#7 B7 ] to get the ear ready for the trip back to E7...without doing anything but editing-in the changed note and chord in the bass and guitar.

But that still leaves you with an arrangement that says what it has to say in the first cycle.

As it stands, it'd be a great 30-second floor for commercial application. But it's not a 'song'.

And, in addition, one of the things you could do to make it a genuine 'song'..in the tradition sense...is to develop and play a thematic melody in the first and last cycle...something memorable, before wandering into the very nice noodling likkage. Something for a listener to glom on to. Convention, with an important purpose.

But, again, love your playing and recording skill!
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Thank you for such a great critique, I have posted on a lot of forums but this is the best critique I have ever received , thank you!
I can't tell you how I pondered going back and flooring it at the end of the 3rd solo to create tension and climax, but I ran out of time. It has bugged me ever since, it needs the high point. I hear you on the turn arounds, I even thought about changing it, and here is the reason I did not. I tried to get close to that old feel in the 70's where a funk band would use this kind of turn around, they always seemed a bit off and awkward, but it seemed to fit the time period. Having said that I did some stuff in that tune that was not correct to the period. lol So I may go change it as you seemed to have confirmed it. As for a melody, let me say you are 100% correct! I chose to use licks, stabs, slick runs, and cool tricks. I tried to stay as far as I could from melody, if I had played melody I would have to go at it as a song, this was intended to be theme music. This was something I heard in a dream and decided to see what would happen. However after getting a lot of feedback that a lot of people would really like to hear it in a more structured formula, I will propbably go back and re-record the tune and make it official.lol

You have a great ear and I really enjoyed your critique, you nailed it!!!
 
i'd have to dl the song, burn it to a cd and listen to it on a stereo to give you any kind of critique on the mix, so i will leave that out except to say that the music, ie bassline and drumline both need a little variation as well as the bass needs to be a little more prominent in some way in order to hold the guitar up, (though it holds itself up really well). so all that aside, this is a very groovy tune :) i think i've heard the basic idea of the rhythm before, like that stop go multiple step up rhythm, but it's done well in an original manner as far as i can remember. i love the guitar. very nice. can i ask you what the semi dissonant chords you use at about 1:24 are? like they almost sound like 9ths, but my ear isn't good enough to tell.
 
It is a nice clean recording. I love the quick little guitar runs.

The drums and bass could use some variation though, just to spruce things up a bit. Some vocals would be cool too. The mix sounds real good though.
 
New Guy....what amp did you use for the recording? Really covet the sound.

dissonant chords you use at about 1:24 are?

E7#9 b13...x 7 6 7 8 8

Move up 2 frets [F#yadda]

This is your soul vaccination. Funktastical. Scratch and wah,for best results. :^)
 
Nice clean recording and good guitar sounds.

My main nit with this tune is the lack of tightness between the bass and drums. In a sparse soundscape such as this, the bass need to be locked together with the kick and snare. Think Steely Dan tight. Every now and then a hit drifts off the mark and it detracts. Otherwise good
 
Nicole_Rose said:
i'd have to dl the song, burn it to a cd and listen to it on a stereo to give you any kind of critique on the mix, so i will leave that out except to say that the music, ie bassline and drumline both need a little variation as well as the bass needs to be a little more prominent in some way in order to hold the guitar up, (though it holds itself up really well). so all that aside, this is a very groovy tune :) i think i've heard the basic idea of the rhythm before, like that stop go multiple step up rhythm, but it's done well in an original manner as far as i can remember. i love the guitar. very nice. can i ask you what the semi dissonant chords you use at about 1:24 are? like they almost sound like 9ths, but my ear isn't good enough to tell.
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I am glad you enjoyed it, and I think you did a good job on the critique (thank you by the way). Yeah, this needs a much stronger battery, it is a on board drum system from my BR1600. And the bass, I stink on bass. lol I need some musicians, heck I need a band. 9ths it is, better ear than you thought.
 
ksounds said:
It is a nice clean recording. I love the quick little guitar runs.

The drums and bass could use some variation though, just to spruce things up a bit. Some vocals would be cool too. The mix sounds real good though.
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Thank you, it is always nice to hear compliments on my playing. I am glad you liked the mix, I am getting better at it.
 
jeffmaher said:
New Guy....what amp did you use for the recording? Really covet the sound.

dissonant chords you use at about 1:24 are?

E7#9 b13...x 7 6 7 8 8

Move up 2 frets [F#yadda]

This is your soul vaccination. Funktastical. Scratch and wah,for best results. :^)
Click to expand...

I am using my '68 Fender Deluxe Reverb Amp, D'Pergo AVC guitar. The mic I used was a E609 (silver), and my BR1600 recorder. that was all the gear I used.
 
Bulls Hit said:
Nice clean recording and good guitar sounds.

My main nit with this tune is the lack of tightness between the bass and drums. In a sparse soundscape such as this, the bass need to be locked together with the kick and snare. Think Steely Dan tight. Every now and then a hit drifts off the mark and it detracts. Otherwise good
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Thank you, I agree the bass is all over the place. I played the bass on it and I stink at it. lol I need to get a live drummer and bass player. Thank you for the listen and critique, I appreciate it.
 
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