What am I talking about - part 2

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joeym

joeym

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Ok guys, part one (Angels Fall) was so much fun, especially with all your great input that I thought, what the hell, let's do it again....:D

Here's another one, called "False Paradise", the difference is, with this one I know what I want it to be about: greed.

here's what I've got:

Eve sucks the life out of Adam
Creeps like a snake on a cold grey floor
Shylock longs for his pound of flesh
The wolves run wild
Greed is might

A million lives torn asunder
The devil's breath blows at your door
The queen rubs salt in the king's wound
Blood on the tiles
The price of a lie

I'd like to use more references from the classics like in the first verse, so I look forward to whatever input anyone might give. Thanx a lot!

:)
 
joeym said:
Ok guys, part one (Angels Fall) was so much fun, especially with all your great input that I thought, what the hell, let's do it again....:D

Here's another one, called "False Paradise", the difference is, with this one I know what I want it to be about: greed.

here's what I've got:

Eve sucks the life out of Adam
Creeps like a snake on a cold grey floor
Shylock longs for his pound of flesh
The wolves run wild
Greed is might

A million lives torn asunder
The devil's breath blows at your door
The queen rubs salt in the king's wound
Blood on the tiles
The price of a lie

I'd like to use more references from the classics like in the first verse, so I look forward to whatever input anyone might give. Thanx a lot!

:)
Click to expand...

Greed is the theme in The Pearl by Steinbeck. Good references there. It's been a while since I read it but I think the main character kills a man and hits his wife after finding the pearl.

Macbeth was greedy and power hungry.

"Stars, hide your fires!
Let not light see my black and deep desires."

Stars hide your fires might be a good line. A little obscure as a greed reference but still pretty cool.

Here is a link to some famous quotes about greed: http://thinkexist.com/quotations/greed/

Might be good for some inspiration.

Another line that popped into my head while reading this is. "It's never enough" Maybe repeating this in a low growl building in intensity each time you say it until it turns to a scream. You got the pipes to pull it off.:cool:

Could work as a breakdown before a solo or the last chorus. Just a thought.

Good luck.
 
Yonce N Mild said:
Greed is the theme in The Pearl by Steinbeck. Good references there. It's been a while since I read it but I think the main character kills a man and hits his wife after finding the pearl.

Macbeth was greedy and power hungry.

"Stars, hide your fires!
Let not light see my black and deep desires."

Stars hide your fires might be a good line. A little obscure as a greed reference but still pretty cool.

Here is a link to some famous quotes about greed: http://thinkexist.com/quotations/greed/

Might be good for some inspiration.

Another line that popped into my head while reading this is. "It's never enough" Maybe repeating this in a low growl building in intensity each time you say it until it turns to a scream. You got the pipes to pull it off.:cool:

Could work as a breakdown before a solo or the last chorus. Just a thought.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

That link is great, Yonce! Some nice lines there, particularly the one from Ghandi. Your line could go "it's never enough in a false paradise" as the chorus punchline. I don't know The Pearl so I'll have to look that up.....
Thanx for your thoughts! :)
 
Hello joey - I tried but became to political: I lost the imagery - nevertheless you can have anything that's useful.

Avarice - the modern rule
just a simple vice of yore
Wall Street lay it's brick & mortar
foundations of lust & war

Economics has it's cycle
Ridden by those who know
Consumption down? we need a crisis
It's off to war we go.

Gallant knight, sandblasted trooper
Raise the stakes with their defence
Paying down the debts of folly
The market floats on life's spilt essence

Jason bought the fleece with brothers
Britain coloured the map with blood
The west was won with a nation's loss
The Kaiser covered the front in mud

Angry Shepherds in the Falklands
Cyprus on the edge
Israel with concrete curtains
Possesion is the pledge


Sword and dagger
Shield and spear
Helm and banner high
Sales and profit
Market forces
Green back's hollow cry
Gods and devils
men & women
The hsitory is a lie
 
rayc said:
Hello joey - I tried but became to political: I lost the imagery - nevertheless you can have anything that's useful.

Avarice - the modern rule
just a simple vice of yore
Wall Street lay it's brick & mortar
foundations of lust & war

Economics has it's cycle
Ridden by those who know
Consumption down? we need a crisis
It's off to war we go.

Gallant knight, sandblasted trooper
Raise the stakes with their defence
Paying down the debts of folly
The market floats on life's spilt essence

Jason bought the fleece with brothers
Britain coloured the map with blood
The west was won with a nation's loss
The Kaiser covered the front in mud

Angry Shepherds in the Falklands
Cyprus on the edge
Israel with concrete curtains
Possesion is the pledge


Sword and dagger
Shield and spear
Helm and banner high
Sales and profit
Market forces
Green back's hollow cry
Gods and devils
men & women
The hsitory is a lie
Click to expand...


Amazing stuff, Ray! Definitely gonna use a lot of this. Thanks millions, we're on to something good here and it's fun too.....;):D
 
Macbeth was my first thought as well, plus that imagery from that play fits the tone of the this song perfectly.

"Bubble, Bubble, toil, and trouble....."

My favorite Shakespeare play.
 
Aaron Cheney said:
Macbeth was my first thought as well, plus that imagery from that play fits the tone of the this song perfectly.

"Bubble, Bubble, toil, and trouble....."

My favorite Shakespeare play.
Click to expand...

Ha, yes, nice dark stuff. Song is very Sabbath-like, it would fit.;)
 
joeym said:
Eve sucks the life out of Adam
Creeps like a snake on a cold grey floor
Shylock longs for his pound of flesh
The wolves run wild
Greed is might

A million lives torn asunder
The devil's breath blows at your door
The queen rubs salt in the king's wound
Blood on the tiles
The price of a lie
Click to expand...

There's everything to like in this almost-gothic set of lyrics. The imagery is rich and suggestive. Good choice of words and phrases.

The only line that makes me raise my eyebrows is "greed is might". I know the song is about greed, but I'd kind of like the whole thing to stay in the dungeon of enigma and suggestion, rather than escaping into the overtness of that line.

Maybe you could consider something like:

"the wolves run wild
with their avaricious bite"

or similar.
 
Very good consideration, Gecko. My only problem is I wrote that line with the melody in mind, which i already have, so it fits the phrasing perfectly. I could use your line if I eliminated the "their", then I could fit the syllables in.

Thanx for the suggestion.
:)
 
Hey joey – rayc’s post made me think of this song by Mark Knopfler.
It’s a classic style of writing.
The imagery is very strong and though it doesn’t specifically refer to greed I think greed it at its heart. It’s from On Every Street by Dire Straits.

The Iron Hand (Mark Knopfler)

With all the clarity of dream
The sky so blue, the grass so green
The rank and file and the navy blue
The deep and strong, the straight and true

The blue line they got the given sign
The belts and boots march forward in time
The wood and leather the club and shield
Swept like a wave across the battlefield

Now with all the clarity of dream
The blood so red, the grass so green
The gleam of spur on the chestnut flank
The cavalry did burst upon the ranks

Oh the iron will and the iron hand
In England’s green and pleasant land
No music for the shameful scene
That night they said it had even shocked the queen

Well alas we’ve seen it all before
Knights in armour, days of yore
The same old fears and the same old crimes
We haven’t changed since ancient times
 
Manslick said:
Hey joey – rayc’s post made me think of this song by Mark Knopfler.
It’s a classic style of writing.
The imagery is very strong and though it doesn’t specifically refer to greed I think greed it at its heart. It’s from On Every Street by Dire Straits.

The Iron Hand (Mark Knopfler)

With all the clarity of dream
The sky so blue, the grass so green
The rank and file and the navy blue
The deep and strong, the straight and true

The blue line they got the given sign
The belts and boots march forward in time
The wood and leather the club and shield
Swept like a wave across the battlefield

Now with all the clarity of dream
The blood so red, the grass so green
The gleam of spur on the chestnut flank
The cavalry did burst upon the ranks

Oh the iron will and the iron hand
In England’s green and pleasant land
No music for the shameful scene
That night they said it had even shocked the queen

Well alas we’ve seen it all before
Knights in armour, days of yore
The same old fears and the same old crimes
We haven’t changed since ancient times
Click to expand...

Great lyrics and full of meaning, Manslick. I have the impression though that they're more about war, especially with the line "The blood so red, the grass so green". But, yes, it is the classic style.
 
Yeah if not specifically about war, definitely about a battle.

In either case, greed could be the motivating force. Or maybe Knopfler was being greedy just by writing the song. (I want more money)

Do you have any specific type of greed in mind? Seems you’re heading toward some kind of domination, where one’s greed is manifested in a domineering position over another, especially in the lines about Shylock and the Queen.

What’s the premise or the underlying concept; greed for greed’s sake?

The title False Paradise implies to me a situation involving disillusion. How does greed play into that?
 
Well, the premise is that greed means power, whether political, religious, corporate finance, etc. And power means domination. To me a greedy person with power over others builds his own world, hence his False Paradise, an illusionary world. But the day of judgement comes for everyone.
 
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