what about this chorus is it catchy

  • Thread starter Thread starter 14yearoldkid
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14yearoldkid

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"Give a dollar or two give five dollars if you want to hanging down by the trainstation with my little guitar im playing this song all day and night just playing it over and over"

plz do not copy
 
I think if you want to make some money, you won't with that song. Musicians who straight up front ask for money, are hurting themselves.

People usually hit your case or tip jar because they 'hear your soul'.

If you want to make good tips, write a song, or sing a song with a bluesy ... drawn out, long howling hook like ...

MMMMmmmmmm I'm so hongry ! ....
yeah ........
sooooooo hongry, jusa' dime ....
ohhhhh looooooooord, I'm just wastin' away without the light ...

yeah so hongry ....
my, my, my, my lawd hongry chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild !


now i'm not f*cking with you dude, for real, you wail that at the top of your lungs with a blues guitar wankin' beat and KEEP YOUR CASE CLEAR of the bills and heavy coinage ...

Only leave the pennies, dimes and nickles in there. ;)
 
I thing that what makes a chorus catchy is music and people that repeat and repeat that catchy chorus don't realize what they are really singing, I mean, the meaning, 'cause they just like music and can't stop singing it. No matter if you talk about your dog or about a computer mouse...

Luck!
 
Re: lol

14yearoldkid said:
its ur oppinion...
Click to expand...

no...I think its YOUR opinion now.

You asked for it...he gave it to you

Id say that makes it your opinion now to do with as you may...sounds like ya plan on throwin it away to me.
 
sorry but people who directly ask you for money are annoying. If they see your a struggling artist with some material other than "give me money!" then maybe they ll respect that and lay some dough you.
 
THANK YOU GUYS OO SO MUCH

YOU GUYS ARE AWSOME IT WORKED I CHNAGED THE CHORUS AND I GOT A DEMO DEAL! U GUYS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Awesome! With who ? SuckAss records? Haha no jking srry to give you a hard time but people are just giving their honest opinions no offense intended. And since im not from new york, I dont know maybe that song would work the way your trying to use it. When i spent some time up there I was surprised at how casually street performers and subway performers would just start to do crazy stuff in front of you.
 
you should break it up so that its easier to read. It just looks like one big poorly constructed sentence.

Oh well, your only 14 there is much time for you to develop. songwriting is a very tough craft; just think though by the time your 24 you could have 10 years of writing experience.

to answer your question though-- no its not very good

keep the faith little dude and dont beg for shit!
 
lol i know i dont take any offense

i know its ur opinions "suckass records" really funny!. this song is about this kid i know but anyone later!
 
Its a cooler line if it's about someone else your writing about in first person. You should just hint at that in the song sometime.

Like it's lame to whine about your legs getting blown off in a song, but if your metallica and the song is "one" written about someone else in first person, it's okay.

Just make sure people dont think YOU are begging.
 
haha

yeah i know that was only teh choruse the verses are talking abotu how the kid ranaway fomr home and stuff
 
oh....well thats better

hey post a rough demo - even if you have to use your computer mic
 
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