Are you serious? man, it sounds like you are hiding in a closet trying to keep your voice down and i can even hear the pages turning in the background on that first joint. I don't want to come down hard on you but i have to, trust me you'll think me later. do me a favor and put in canibus, madlib, or raskass...then listen to your song. now do you feel me? when you do it do it like your doing it for tv (i stole that from ma$e). you have to step that up dog, don't compete with those dudes in your neighborhood! compete with Pharoah Monch, Mos Def, Black Thought..... Polish your sound, tighten up your delivery and breath control.
Now for the praise. you are spitting some dope ish. i'm feeling your content. you have a lot of substance, wait a minute that can make a tight name for a cd SUBSTANCE ABUSE. that's free for who ever wants to use it. back to the matter at hand, start recording somewhere that will benifit your development, you are going to sound like a totally different person when you start projecting your voice and that's the person you want to hear. find a time of day where you can record like you are performing it or find a cheap recording studio with someone trying to learn how to engineer. you will be able to help each other out.