This is my best? Before and After...

  • Thread starter Thread starter dafduc
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Super-critic

Feel free to post your opinions, that is one of the main reasons people submit their stuff, one would assume.

When you approach it from a "I know more than you" standpoint, you don't have anything specific to CONSTRUCTIVELY criticize, and furthermore, you have NEVER posted anything of your own, well then you should expect people to call you horrible things like "douche" or "dickwad", or "wannabe" and for them to say that you are only tearing other people down because of your own insecurities.


I would never say anything like that myself, but I would just like to give you a heads up so you can prepare yourself for some of the mean-spiritedness you sow to come back to you.

:-)
 
NeuzGrouper said:
I would never say anything like that, "douche", myself, but I would just like to give you a heads up, "dickwad", so you can prepare yourself for some of the mean-spiritedness you sow to come back to you, "wannabe".:-)
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Wow. nice use of subliminal messaging to get a hidden point across.:D

Daf (hint - highlight this message...)
 
Thank you, djc.

I've given him a bunch of my shitty songs too, he hasn't bitten yet...;)
 
Daf,
I was going to d/l the original version.......something like 24 minutes d/l time, so I was scrolling through the posts and found the Crawdad version........KOOL, says I.
Man that is one heartfelt piece, my hat's off to ya! Crawdad did a great job recording this song.....don't he have a voice to kill for? I can see why you were so excited about it. Great job by all involved!

bd

BTW, I see you got a couple of visits from the bandit TROLL. I really don't see where anyone in their right mind would find fault with this song! Man am I in for a flaming when I post my next tune!
 
Guernica said:
....its time to put something up man. Folks wanna hear where those brilliant ears of yours are coming from......
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ah, but if i posted something you would immediately know who i am
 
bdbdbuck said:
Daf,
I was going to d/l the original version.......something like 24 minutes d/l time, so I was scrolling through the posts and found the Crawdad version........KOOL, says I.
Man that is one heartfelt piece, my hat's off to ya! Crawdad did a great job recording this song.....don't he have a voice to kill for? I can see why you were so excited about it. Great job by all involved!
Click to expand...

Yeah, Al's the man. Thanks for liking it:D
 
Hey daf;

This is such a beautiful piece of work here man, loved every single thing about it. Sorry for bumping the thread back up...well hell that's a lie I aint neither:) . I listened to crawdad's version...dial-up here, but i'm gonna d/l your version too...maybe next week before I reply tho:D . Loved the lyrics in this, I bet it didn't take along time for them to come out...they usually don't with great songs like this. Couldn't have picked a better vocalist imo!

David

p.s. Al if you read this, i've had the t-shirt for a week now and I promise you it will be in the mail this week...my word. But yer gonna fuckin love it:)
 
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Hey daf - sorry I'm so late on this. I've been chasing rabbits.

Anyway...first - GREAT tune. I like it a lot. You had some plosives in your version, and the level was pretty low, and some other stuff, lol...but this is really a SONG post, and the song wins.

Plus, Crawdad's version pretty much fixed it, lol.

Oh, and I'm not the troll, lol - I need to read more around here.
 
I love the lyrics. But I didn't think craw's (don't know Al so I won't use his name) vocals fit. Seemed like he was struggling with the higher notes. Seems a smoother voice would work better. JMO.

Great work, daf.

Craw, no offense. I actually like your other stuff and have your songs in my music library.

kt
 
KevinTran said:
I love the lyrics. But I didn't think craw's (don't know Al so I won't use his name) vocals fit. Seemed like he was struggling with the higher notes. Seems a smoother voice would work better. JMO.

Great work, daf.

Craw, no offense. I actually like your other stuff and have your songs in my music library.

kt
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No offense taken my friend. I've been in the throes of vocal hell for a while--singing 5 nights a week over a sinus bug that leaves me barely able to talk at the end of a night. This was done after one such night because I really wanted to get the song to Daf in person. Best I could do on a given night at 3am. Maybe I will give it another shot when my full range reappears.
 
crawdad said:
No offense taken my friend. I've been in the throes of vocal hell for a while--singing 5 nights a week over a sinus bug that leaves me barely able to talk at the end of a night. This was done after one such night because I really wanted to get the song to Daf in person. Best I could do on a given night at 3am. Maybe I will give it another shot when my full range reappears.
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Cool - though I love what you did here, Al. I have a "final" set of lyrics for verse 2, I'll send them...

Thanks Kevin, Chris, and freshears for yer good thoughts, too.

Daf
 
"Beautiful Still"

Didn't read other replies; thread hopping...


Did you track this to tape? The piano has that... "sound" .... the... the levels are a bit low, though...

In the bridge (pre-chorus)... the melody (sung) gets repetetive tonally, but the rhythm is good--just a bit more variety would help... (the "she unlocks my secret places" part...)

Lyrics could use metaphors intermixed with the literal "visuals" like freckled back/alabaster stomach/ etc... what is it you're saying about her? Is this a song about a woman's body?

Sorry.... trying to be helpful... it's just that ... to me... the literal images would seem less important in a song than attempts to describe her beauty in not so obvious ways. I dunno... possibly a matter of taste? (my poor taste?)

If you'd vary the melody by going up into some of the more vocally "painful" areas (not really "painful"... :D) some emphasis might be nice... (3rd or 4th verses)...

Good luck & have fun with it, daf!


Chad
 
Thx Chad,

I've agonized a bit over the unlocks...graces couplet, nothing else seems to work. The worst one was:

She shakes my fundamentals,
Then takes me soup with lentils.:D :D :D

Okay, that one was purposely bad, but the serious attempts weren't much better.

I'll disagree with you on the physicality thing - that is the "theme" of this song. There is symbolism, but it's physical things symbolizing other qualities, not vice-versa.

As far as the repetitive melody, I'll agree that the final performance of this needs to expand it - but as a demo songwriter cut, I think I need to stick to how it was "written", with the understanding that a singer's gonna try to put his own stamp on it somehow. I'm guessing you missed Crawdad's take - he wandered pretty far afield, often to VERY GOOD effect.

The piano was the mda-piano VSTi compressed to the gills - done to cover up a dynamics error on a cut-n-paste, but I did like the effect. Probably use it again.

I'm working on a keeper track now: Bass, Guitar, Piano, Mandolin, Pedal Steel, and Strings (IOW, I took Roel's challenge). And a vocal retake - no fumbles this time, and I probably will sing around the melody a little. Got some lyric fixes I wanna get out there too.

Hope to have it out by this coming weekend - I'll start a new thread. Thanks, y'all! God, I love this place...

Daf
 
Daf

I really like this song. Can't wait to here the new version your working on. I've listened to the Crawdad version twice now and am gonna listen to your original version next. Beautiful still. Great line. Keep 'em comin' man!
-joe
 
Thank you, Joe. My version's a bit of a letdown after crawdad's though. Even when it's 3 a m and he's sick...:rolleyes:

Daf
 
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