Hey Jessie. Yeah, these do sound better. Like most of us, you just need to keep writing and keep recording. The progress is usually in inches instead of miles, and there's nothing wrong with that.
You're a different kind of musician, so I'll give a different kind of critique. You need to fix the grammar in your little bio section. Yeah, it's the internet, but it's hard to take somebody seriously as a writer if he can't even put 4 sentences together without making 40 errors.
Example:
" He plays a variety of musical instruments; and as well
has written, sang, and recorded many of his own original compositions. Using
things like love; hate; science and the gods for subject matter, Jesse has drawn from..."
Semicolons are not for amateurs, Jessie. Don't use them if you don't know how. Also, you don't say "has sang;" it's "has sung." Oh, and I just used a semicolon correctly there, by the way.
Here's how I'd do it:
He plays a variety of musical instruments and has written, sung, and recorded many of his original compositions. - And don't you dare create a comma splice by trying to sneak in a comma after the "and" in my example. An independent and a dependent clause don't get the comma. It would be equally acceptable to use "He plays a variety of musical instruments, and HE has written, sung, and recorded..." That'd be 2 independent clauses, and a comma would be fine. You damned sure don't need a freaking semicolon with the "and" like you have it. Also, putting the word "own" is just redundant. I mean, of course they're "his OWN original compositions." What other kind of original compositions are HIS?
Moving on...
Using things like love; hate; science and the gods for subject matter, Jesse has drawn from... - I'd change it to sound less like a 3rd grader wrote it. Maybe "Drawing from inspirations such as love, hate, science and...." (please note the complete absence of semicolons in that list. You obviously remember some kind of rule about how it's ok to use semicolons when listing items, but that doesn't apply if the items are only one word each and there are only 3 of them).
Yeah, this has been a silly post, but I'm actually almost serious. You don't want the first thing that people learn about you to be that you can't write. Let your music tell them that.
Now go make yourself look like the genius that I know you are.
