Tell me what you think of this song

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AllForNothing

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While searching around the internet for information on recording songs, I found this website. It's been very useful. I thought I'd post one of my songs and hopefully get some feedback from more experienced songwriters. So...here it is.

CRASHING DOWN

<verse 1>
We moved too fast, we left too slow
It fell apart, and hurt me the most
I wanted us to work it through
I can't believe I trusted you

<chorus>
But all good things were meant to die
At least that's how I feel tonight
With memories of you and I
It all comes crashing down tonight
And running without knowing where to go
Has lost it's thrill, it's getting kind of old
So tell me will this pressure hold
Or should I give up and explode

<verse 2>
And now you're off, and on the move
With someone else to follow you
And soon enough, you'll bring him down
Not thinking twice, just running out

<chorus>
But all good things were meant to die
At least that's how I feel tonight
With memories of you and I
It all comes crashing down tonight
And running without knowing where to go
Has lost it's thrill, it's getting kind of old
So tell me will this pressure hold
Or should I give up and explode
 
OK............


What's it about?????

I mean does every single song nowadays need a video to go along with it to deliver a message???

Sorry man....this is not a personal kind of thing....
I just like tunes that tell a story.....
about people....
places....
times, eras.....
events...
specifics.....not just emotions and feelings....
call me old fashioned I guess....

Good luck with it man....take it easy,
Joe

Joe
 
song

I like all sorts of songwriting, not necessarily just story songs. I write sometimes out of the rhythm that I've created with my guitar, which is my songwriting tool. Once in a while a story will unfold from events in my life, but that happens when it happens. Now ... your song ... It feels as though something happened to you and you wrote out of experience. Which can be story-like. The big deal though, is there any music to it?
Kirk
 
Yes...this song was written about something that had happened to me. It's about a girl that I trusted. Someone that I thought would never hurt me, but in the end, hurt me more than anyone else had before.

She made me the happiest I've ever been in my life....but after she had done the things she did to me, I realized that I could never be happy while I was still her friend. Everytime I was around her it made me sad, because I felt a different way about her than she felt about me. Even after what she had done.

So I ended our friendship.

Hence the line in the lyrics, "All good things were meant to die"

She was the best thing that had happened to me, but after she hurt me, I had to get her out of my life to feel normal again.

The second verse is about her doing the same thing she did to me, only with another guy.

Yes, this song has music. It's a fast song. If anything, I would call it punk. Maybe pop-punk is the better term.

Anyway...maybe I'll post more of my songs on here later.
 
AllForNothing said:

Anyway...maybe I'll post more of my songs on here later.
Click to expand...

Please do.......

again....not trying to be mean earlier.....just critiqueing the way I know how......the way I look at it....if you have to explain a lyric....it aint doing the job......

Sorry you got skrewed man.............

Later
 
joro (and others),

I reckon for a great song, you shouldnt have to explain the "First layer" of the meaning of the lyrics, But theres has to be a deeper "second layer" that really gets the juices going.

Thats just my opinion. Metaphors are the best things ever for songs.
And AllForNothing ,Although i liked your lyrics, They are (i think) too descriptive......... only just though. Then again - if its for pop punk - you dont have to have that deep lyrics................

Still I'd love to hear the finished product!

yiordanaki
 
I like the words and the flow, what genre is this song going to live in is my only question...country?

limited
 
Hi All.

Welcome to the HR songwriting forum.
The dues are $90. per year paid to,,,,,, ;)

Reading lyrics is very different than listening to the song.
The music helps carry the lyrics and the lyrics carry the music.

As I read it, several times, I know what it's talking about.
A song is like a story, it tells something. It should have a beginning, middle and ending, not necessarly in that order. But you don't have to have all three parts. One part will constitute a song.

I saw the middle and the end.

This leaves enough for me to use my imagination as to what happened to cause the split.

Like Joro, I'm a bit old fashion about my music or most of the music I listen too.

Rhyming draws things together, makes me remember things. If I like the song I want to hum it or let it fester in my mind. Rhyming really does help people to remember the lyrics to songs.

One more thing:
The title, it's only mentioned twice in the entire song.
Look at it like this,,,, You are driving down the road, listening to the radio and you hear the DJ say, "Here's a new up and comer called Crashing Down" ,,,,,,

You drive along, the song plays. It plays once.
You like it. It has a good beat and some meaningful lyrics. Something you can relate to or has touched you somehow.

You get to where your going and hop out of your car and join the party. You begin telling your friends about the song you heard. But you don't remember the name.

The title, in my opinion, should be repeated as many times in a song as possible, without overly doing it. Drive the title home and they'll remember the name of that song and tell their friends.

Over all I like the lyrics, but I'd do some changes on some things if it were mine. (possibly that's why I don't have a #1 hit at the moment) Anyway, it's all opinions and everyone has them, just like they have opinions. :)

I'll leave it here because without music to agument the lyrics, I feel I'd do your work injustice.

Again, welcome and keep posting.
Later.
 
i really dig it, if for no better reason than it sounds very much like a description of recent events that have involved me :rolleyes:
 
Hey zero, you don't happen to know.....no, I'm sorry that was almost tacky.
 
My reaction was the same as Joro's.

The problem is that the song is just a surface summary of what happened. It doesn't tell us anything about what happened or why you feel the way you do.

You started to get there in your response, when you said:

"Yes...this song was written about something that had happened to me. It's about a girl that I trusted. Someone that I thought would never hurt me, but in the end, hurt me more than anyone else had before.

She made me the happiest I've ever been in my life....but after she had done the things she did to me, I realized that I could never be happy while I was still her friend. Everytime I was around her it made me sad, because I felt a different way about her than she felt about me. Even after what she had done."

So she made you happier than anyone else and thought she'd never hurt you, which, ironically, made it possible for her to hurt you more than anyone else. So put that in the song, and tell us, WHAT DID SHE DO?

It's not that everything has to be a direct story or just factual or explicit, but you've got to take more of risk; bare your soul, man. (Or make the speaker of the song bare the soul of the character you create in the song.) That's what great songwriters do.
 
bdbdbuck said:
Hey zero, you don't happen to know.....no, I'm sorry that was almost tacky.
Click to expand...

if you offend me, i'll buy you a beer. seriously. best of luck.
 
some of the most moving music i've ever hard has been specifically in the 1st person and telling a vague story. in the end, how it all comes together makes a big difference. usually, in my experiential 1st person stories, i make some assertions or metaphors, not just tell how i feel and use a vague description, but in the end, a great song is a great song. not every songwriter does things the same way.

allfornothing, maybe a related song being specific would be an idea, or maybe just not worrying about it and focusing on putting the passion you feel into the delivery of the lyrics would be prudent. it's your call. in the end, when a singer really means it, i usually feel it.
 
ok lemme take a stab at this....

every one else has hehe!..

I read the lyrics... without reading the rest of the posts.. ... and from what i got out of tghe lyrics itself.... is about a a relationship that was going to go sour... even when the couple loved each other so much (hence the LEAVING SO SLOW part.).. they couldnt let it go but knowing they had to cause the relationship just was way to soon! etc etc etc!

so the song lyrics HAS a meaning.. it doesnt need any explanation! at least i didnt see the need to have!

The only thing i see it could use is a HIGHLIGHT ...someting to preject an image in to my mind....... you have CRASHING DOWN!... as the title... and is used one time in the chorus!... ok.. but maybe use a metaphor?!?! like something that can bring a VISUAL aspect to the song?! ... like for example.. something you can relate to something as crashing down.. and use that as the description.. and the highlite!.. but keeping the same motivation?!?!

just a thought!...
 
I think subtle lyrics that are born from emotions and instincts can be great, and being a little vague can give the song a little mystery and allow people to relate it to personal situations, that may be completely different to the one that inspired the song writer.

However, I must say that when you described the situation that the song is based on, I was much more touched than when reading the song lyrics! This is not to say I did not like the song, but just that if you could make that explanation rhyme, it would make a very good song too!

BTW, I think the 2nd verse is week and seems too not have had as much thought put into it? I think if it were saying something like you believe she is incapable of treating someone right (either through immaturity, or just being evil) and thus will end up sad and alone (how you feel now), this would have more bite to it? You could say that one day someone will do the same to her and then she will truly understand what she did to you?

In any case, I can tell you have some good stuff inside and I hope to hear some of it one day!

Just some thoughts - Peace.


Just a tip - When inspiration hits or a situation occurs that you need to write a song about, write down all the emotions, thoughts and reactions you want to get over (like bullet points and these can include lines). Then take that list and fill in the blanks with the narrative. This way it will have all the emotion of reactionary song writing that seems very vague and personal with the coherent appeal of a 'story' type song.
 
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