Theron - thanks for the advice and help. Getting the words sung in a manner that can be understood was difficult. There are a lot of words crammed into a tight space. I had to punch in a lot of them because I couldn't hold enough air in my lungs to get them all out. - that's how I got the cadence. It wasn't intentional, but I liked it so I kept it that way.
mkg - I played around a lot with the snare. I like a snappy sound to the snare, but maybe I overdid it here. Thanks for the other comments too. Oh and the "be like Mike" was a reference to the Michael Jordan Gatorade commercials a few year back. But whatever works for you is fine
Stratomaster - I've been writing longer than mixing and it shows.
Kramer - I was surprised by the lo-fi comment. Is that just due to the drums or other things as well. As far as tuning - I don't think they were out. There's a goofy progression that goes from Em to E - but it's supposed to be that way. That might be what you heard.
Lastly mixmkr.
What do I hear? I knew I was pushing things with the snare - I like them to snap. I was playing around with lots of different sounds, so I think that's pretty easy to fix.
Beyond that, I didn't like the tone on the "main" rhythm guitar part. I was having problems with harshness. It seemed to either sound too harsh or sound like the mic was 8 feet away. I hit the best balance I could.
I couldn't get the blend on the harmonies that I wanted, and they didn't come out in the mix. I swear I tried, but I couldn't get it to sound like I wanted.
I had trouble deciding how far to bring out the vocals. I put them back just a bit, but I don't know if that was the right decision.
So what were some of the obvious things you heard? And yes, commercial CD quality is something I'd like to work toward.