Soft and fluffy

Phrasemaker

Phrasemaker

New member
A little progress(advice welcome)

Hi Folks,

I'm working on this track in a lyrical sense as well as its composition, so pretty much everything is move-able, adjustable. No title yet, but a few lines of lyrics and I'm not sure about a chorus but may have a bridge section with an alternative phrasing. At this stage I'm basically after any ideas in all respects, as I worked on this for a few hours solid and need to let it rest while I consider the options. I do have a whole track, but have posted a section containing my very rough initial draft tracks which are untidy. I already know the vocals are a tad pitchy, but the track below is playable and not totally crap, when I say rough, I mean not mixed or treated, simply how it currently sits on the tracker after doing the initial takes to get the track in its initial form as opposed to being a set of ideas.

My main question, hence posting here is the structure, I don't know whether to vary it some more by adding additional passages which differ to what's already there, or have a distinct chorus sung over the sections after the long vocal notes after the verses? Come to that, should I just bin the whole thing? Mmmm ponder, ponder, ponder.

OK decided against binning the track, added a guitar solo and still pondering another verse or two, plus whether to change up the vocal approaching the end to a more chant like phrasing which will be sung over the evolving chord harmonies and throw in a kitchen sink or two to build the track even more as it reaches the end?

I have re mixed it a little and cleaned it up a touch, but still in its raw form so maybe not balanced right thus far. I left the initial text on this thread, as it's already been read, plus I want to leave the evidence of my altering thoughts on this in place just in case I go to the bin route again, so at least I can remind myself I gave the track a chance or two. I replaced the original track with the full length version.


Many thanks

Tim

 
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or have a distinct chorus sung over the sections after the long vocal notes after the verses?



I like that idea...it gets a little monotonous..I would maybe bring it in the second time though...
Cool musical idea
Like it....dont trash it
 
Thanks Klutzee,

I just played it again after getting out of bed in the cold light of day and I'm still feeling compelled to work on it, your thoughts are useful and have given me food for thought. Yes it's repetitive but that foundation can either be tweaked or worked over to change it up and your chorus thought is making me think that I can perhaps bring it in on maybe the second turnaround and like you say after the long note. I might try that and then build that chorus format so it becomes the new lyric structure like an expanding chorus to alter the musicality of it as progresses into the last third of the track. It was never going to be story of my forefathers to be taken in over muffins while sat round the fire with little Johnny on my knee, but there does need to be some intrigue to the lyrics or the delivery of interest by way of a twist or other device. I have lots of instrument options too, to maybe offer additional textures and maybe even have multiple vocals to add tension as it builds towards the end. I'm writing this partly for my own benefit as I have to go get supplies soon and this will prompt me when I get back as the brain cells don't retain like they once did lol.

I appreciate you taking time to listen and reply, many thanks

Tim
 
I think a 3 or 4 note phrase/hook played/repeated over the section after the sustained vocal note would be interesting. Any instrument & wouldn't need to be complex in any way a simple morse code thing to bounce off the stoccatto keyboard - even repeat the notes of "you still want more" - modulate if you feel the need for a change or drop out some instruments.
I like the heaviness.
this is really silly...
I walked away from the computer to the stove as I'm vaguely cooking dinner and in my head was the stoccatto keyboard thing with a children's choir singing "You'll never make an undertaker, never make an.. ".
Seriously - no alcohol or other drugs have been consumed to alter my perception of anything else for that matter!
 
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Thank you Ray, I hope all is good with you. I'll certainly have a go with seeing how your suggestions sound when I work on the piece some more. I've kind of got the bit between my teeth with this now after a period of self doubt and wondering if I could get somewhere near the vocal requirements. After nearly passing out after the long notes and scraping my lungs off the pop shield, maybe not quite but I have noticed that having exercised my vocal instrument over the months since I reluctantly started singing, my voice is altering even when I talk in normal conversation, so it just goes to show that a neglected tool, dusted off and free'd up a bit can have some use. Either that or it's the onset of deafness, having worked with cans on for too many hours.

The remark about the children's choir really appeals to my sense of artistry, seriously I'd been pondering how I could get a choral kind of chant of words over some passages, and even wondered if I were to bribe the local congregation, perhaps they might sing a few lines if happened to take a portable recorder along. I have re taken the vocals today, after penning another verse which is the same format as the others and now leaves me to come up with an alternate phrasing for a couple of other sections, and either creating interest in that way or maybe it'll be the bribery route.

The main thing is, I can see a way ahead and feel more confident working on it. It's probably the toughest track to arrange and record that I've attempted to date, ten months in, as there are a lot of incidental harmonies to work with and the vocal aspects.

I'll get this straight over to the MP3 mix clinic once I have all the elements put in the mix and have fine tuned it a bit.

Many thanks

Tim
 
Hi Tim,

Very nice! I can hear plenty of 60s/70s influence in the track, which is appreciated.

I was mistaken for a moment by the lyric "I taste the sweat it seeps from every fragrant pore..." At first I thought I was hearing "I taste the sweat that seeps from every fragrant whore..." which would have been cool too! LOL! I'll ask my wife to listen too and see if she guesses correctly on the first listen. Do you mind posting all of the lyrics?

Awesome vocals and musicianship as usual. The track has a very good dynamic range. I'm pretty envious of your skills and talents, my friend. Well done.

Cheers,
Joseph :)

P.S. Do you feel like participating a songwriting challenge in the forum soon?
 
Thank you Joseph, I have another mix of this which is in the MP3 mix part of the forum, which is slightly more worked on. I also have a few tweaks to do in respect of getting a little more detail tuned to where I want it. I've been dragged into work mode for a couple of weeks and have unfortunately had no time or opportunity to get on here. I need to thank those who replied in the MP3 forum and consider and experiment with some of the suggestions offered, so still a little exploration to be done.

I'll get on tomorrow and reply to the other post so it's back up the board. I appreciate your comments and really feel pleased that you highlighted the vocals and playing. I never intended singing on my tracks because I didn't know I could when I first started getting my studio together, but I've worked hard with learning how to sing and now feel confident doing my own vocals. Musically I have put a big chunk of my life into learning all I can, I hadn't played seriously for some years until I started recording, but the knowledge of theory I gained in the past was mostly retained and the many hours I put in has got the playing headed back in the right direction.

I'm still chuckling about the fragrant whore LOL, I will get the full lyrics posted here tomorrow. Yes I think the forthcoming challenge might be a great opportunity to enjoy some lyrical debate and see what others enjoy writing, I'll keep my eye on the forum and join in.

Always a pleasure to hear from you Joseph. Many thanks...

Tim
 
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