Singer/Songwriter first song...

  • Thread starter Thread starter DJ_Mixhousedude
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Hiya Liam. Were you sitting on a rocking chair or something? There's a funny creaking noise in the background :) (I don't mean the fret squeaks).

Won't comment on the recording and mixing, but some other comments.

The song might be OK, there are some nice guitar ideas in it, it needs honing down quite a bit, and IMHO some kind of refrain or chorus would offer scope for a little hook and give it some more forward motion. But it's hard to get to it because your vocal delivery has no confidence whatsoever. I suspect there is a nice voice in there somewhere, but you need to develop your phrasing and intonation. You are not hitting the notes cleanly, so it's hard to hear what you are doing, and there are some major wobbles on the longer notes.

Please don't be offended by my suggesting you take a few singing lessons - most serious singers do and it will make a great deal of difference to your delivery. (My partner's singing is about the only thing that ever gets praised from the stuff I post on this board and she regards lessons as essential.)

Anyway, good start, good potential, lots of work to do (like the rest of us :))

Where in Ireland are you? My own first ever song (which is now permanently erased from our memories!) was "premiered" in a pub in Kilkenny in 1999.
 
Vocals really aren't my strong point... You hit the target with the word confidence. It's just something I don't have. I hate the sound of my voice :o One question: did it make you cringe? I'm interested to know what you meant by honing down the guitar. Any elaborations welcome... :D

That creaking noise is indeed a creaky chair. I always liked the odd creak in those old Tom Waits recordings, so I employed the creakiest chair i could find. I kinda like it...

I'm from Cork, which is down south, but I'd love to hear a recital of your first ever song. Better in than out I say...
 
We've moved on a bit since our first :) Best consigned to history.

I meant honing down the song, not the guitar - it felt slightly kind of aimless, but that may have been the vocal delivery. On the subject of vocals, they didn't make me cringe, there's something there, but it's buried. My advice is either piss or get off the pot. If you like singing, get some tuition and see how you feel. If you don't (like me) then get a singer. Shouldn't be difficult in Cork (lovely town).

Our own song demo's are here: www.nowhereradio.com/vella/singles

I'm a newbie at recording and haven't done her voice justice, but listen how cleanly she hits the notes.

All the best

Garry
 
yeah nice one. I guess I'll just have to sort the vocals out. I'll re-record it once I'm happier with the situation. Songwriting always needs improving too. Anyone else with opinions?

Cheers.
Liam. :)
 
this song has a lot potential, it just needs to be put together better. have more focus if you know what i mean, and the vocals definitly need to be sung with more confidence.
 
did you take the song down because i got an error message when i tried to hear it.
 
Still works for me. Thanks to critiques on other forums I've rewritten the lyrics to a more conventional structure, which I'm not sure I like IMHO. I prefer songs in an artistic form. I'll record it in the next few days. I'll try sing with more conviction this time too.

He never asked for his name
He was a shooting star
He passed away in a tame pearl flame

Blessed with a messed start
They never complain
About the pain of what they are

In his own
Comfort zone
Redemption in
His faithful pin
He passed away

Singing what he felt he must
He never sounded the same
Since he breathed the starry dust

In his own
Comfort zone
Redemption in
His faithful pin
He passed away


Cheers
Liam.
 
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Hay Liam,

I think this is a great song. I love the guitar strums and vocal melodies. I agree with Garry that you should have more confidence in your singing, it's good enough. I kind-a like it this way. It reminds me of Elliott Smith, the vocals as well as the guitar playing. Listening to your song I guess you've heard of him, if not check him out. He's totally in your street (or you're in his street :confused: ).

I've listened to your song about 4 times, which probably means I like it. Good work, keep it up.............. :)

Bart
 
It's definitely Elliott Smith alright. Is it too much though? Lacking originality? I started listening to him a few months ago and its just been a revolution for me... His earlier stuff is perfection itself.

One thing though: it's played way too fast. I added a verse and 2 choruses as well as the little bridge progression and it came up 30 seconds shorter than my first version. :confused:
 
It certainly sounds like Elliott but the song is original enough. Try writing more and develop a sound of your own. Your voice isn't bad and got lots of potential.
 
OK, I updated it again. I'm happy with this one, so I'll leave it as it is for a while. The song itself isn't any different, but I sang with more confidence this time. I kinda have a quiet voice anyway. The more I listen to it, the more I see the Elliott Smith in it. My sound should mature and become more original as time goes by. Let me know what ye think about it...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/liamocallaghanmusic.htm

Any comments much appreciated.

Cheers
Liam.
 
hi liam

i like it, i really do. the only crit i've got is the voice thing. in this version, i don't think you're lacking conviction. and i like breathy voices anyway (especially male).i think you're not hitting the right notes when you try ornamenting the longer syllables. try singing it simpler, without embellishing, and maybe it will help?

i'm thinking of taking up lessons with a jazz vocal teacher. i don't have trouble hitting notes, my range is good, dynamics good, but what i lack is consistency. so i'm gonna get help.

keep it up, man :)
 
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