Quick Inspiration

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The Thiasus

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Hello there!

This is my first post...and it might be a bit long and rambling because that's the sort of mood I'm in.

So I just moved into a new house with a bunch of other musicians which is pretty hip...and after a talk with the landlord I found out that Canadian musician LIGHTS used to live in this same house. Hearing that really inspired me, and caused me to look at the place a lot differently...because what that meant was that everything you need to write real music is here in this house...maybe she sat at the electric piano in the living room and wrote songs...or out on the balcony etc.

So moving on...I've been writing songs for what seems like half my life now...(not that that's a long time) and I've never played for anybody...that doesn't suit my mood right now one bit...so for the one part I think it's time I restrung my favourite $5 yard sale classical guitar and hit some open mics...(It has a more characterful sound than anything I've ever played.) But in the spirit of my current manic creativity I've decided to share everything I come up with and look for feedback on it...this being the only real way to improve...

I don't have any recording equipment...at all...so I recorded this in audacity using a gaming headset...it sounds really rough...but you can still you know...hear the song...so I think it's worth getting feedback on...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1018878

Pack Your Things

pack your things we're going home
we'll rot in idleness and die alone
for moss grows heavy on a stepping stone
so pack your things we're going home

our old god was my best friend
I was there with him until the end
he said we'll burn for this, I'm sorry man
but this is it we did what we can

and we all die alone
it seems we all die alone
yeah we all die alone
yeah we all take the same road home

so pack your things we're going home
we'll rot in idleness and die alone
for moss grows heavy on a stepping stone
so pack your things we're going home



That's what I did today...
 
As rough as it is, I can tell you can play guitar (trust me, I owned a music shop for 3 years). You need to either beg, borrow or steal some recording gear from your muso flatmates, or find a couple hundred dollars and hit ebay.

Amanda
 
Id start off by ignoring tlennon.

The basis of the song is fine, not the most upbeat theme lol but its fine. Its very rough & basic as you say, easier to get a better idea when things are clearer but you could make that into a good song definately. I can already imagine it with strings over the top and the drums coming in gradually.

You'll want to make sure the chord progression on the verse's doesnt feel like its getting to monotonous. Like the break between verses, maybe work on not using the same progression as the verse for the first two measures there, the two after that are slightly different so thats alright. You could just use the last two alone and go back to the 2nd verse quicker, would probably work fine.

Apart from that the song in general is a little short to, if you wanted you could extend it further after that last verse with a longer instrumental part or something along those lines. Then you could come back in to a verse again, but this time swap the dynamics between that and the chorus. So youd pick through the verse chords gently as you do initially with the chorus, then go back for another chorus & build that up gradually using full chords the 2nd time until you're finishing up playing that heavily instead. Just one way of changing it up & adding a feeling of progression to the song. Theres lots of things you could do.

In general though it just needs to be recorded better, cleared up & filled up with a few other instruments then you'll get better feedback.
 
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Well . . . I accept the lack of technology used for this, and its consequences . . . the recording is pretty dire.

But . . . there is potential there, and it could work. It would require work to create dynamic interest . . . the guitar all the way through like that would need to be managed, but a good arrangement would fix it.

I really ca't add mich more than Razien has said already. His (her?) observations are worth heeding.

Lyrically, there is one thing that doesn't work for me: "for moss grows heavy on a stepping stone". I just can't picture this . . . if anyhting, moss would not grow on a stepping stone.

Anyway . . . keep on trying . . . but you will need to improve your technology.
 
...

I didnt listen to the track; I'll leave technical advice to the "pros".

Having just read the lyrics only?

it means I'm not "tainted" by the audio track... meaning...

1) I hear an imaginary singer in my head singing this song.
2) The rhythm to the lyrics (in my head...) is likely different than the audio track
3) I LIKE the lyrics, at first blush. I'd consider dropping some words and smooshling some others around, to keep "meter" or what have you, but... the basic lyrical idea seems a fairly sound start.
4) I dont know "how" you did the song... the imaginary one in my head?

... its a singer that CAN do a big, ovrsung love ballad, someone with a big, dramatic voice... but, they aren't doing that to this song... they are sitting at a grand piano, playing well, but in a soft, understated way... and singing a soft, bittersweet song. Open mior chords, and sparse note melody.


*shrugs* somethig in the lyrics I like.
 
Wow, thanks everyone for your replies.

I'm still working with the same tech unfortunately, at least until after christmas, but I think I've found a way to make it more listenable...by simply wearing the headset and singing while playing the guitar loud enough to compensate for it's being a long way from the mic. Not ideal, but it seems to make for a more listenable final product.

Anyway, I've put up a new version of the same song done up that way, taking into account some of your suggestions.

What you're saying about the stepping stone bit makes perfect sense to me, I was obviously just trying to contrast against a rolling stone...but a stepping stone would at the very least be worn down from use...I've changed it to "garden stone" which is an image that better suits what I was trying to say I think...something that isn't being used for anything in particular...

I shortened the bits between verses and added another final verse...which I actually just made up on the spot as I was playing...but I'm not sure it needs it...I actually like the form of verse - verse - bridge - first verse....short and sweet...but maybe that's just something that appeals to me.

Anyway...here is a link...
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1018878
 
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