Perdition's Flame

[icystorm]

This is an uptempo, driving pop song and will be the final track on my 13-song demo CD. The song's music is finished, but I've asked a friend to record the lead guitar track, so I still have time to polish the lyrics if anyone cares to offer a critique.

At first, I wanted to call the song "Perdition" after considering that "Perdition's Flame" may be too much of a cliché. The title is still not set in stone, but I do like the title "Perdition's Flame". Any thoughts?

Cheers,
Joseph

Perdition's Flame

Words and music by Joseph Spain
Created with Jamstudio.com 2.3 and Acoustica Mixcraft 4.1
Produced by Joseph Spain
CD: Betrayal
Copyright: Joseph Spain 2008

[intro]

verse 1

Her sabre’s cut was pure
The shiny steel fell sure and true
Through all my days, inside she stays
Where my heart belongs to her
Her spirit's voice holds time
Her stormy calm foreshadows mine
Compelled to live the moment still
When she bid my heart goodbye

chorus

I've learned the truth, there is no God
I've journeyed far beyond her love
I fight to feel perdition's flame
To taste her fire and know her name
The desperate drive that burns inside
To cloak the pain that never hides
No mercy for the weak or tame
Her virtues punish mine

[break]

verse 2

Her distant call allures
Her venom's sting defies a cure
Alone I'll stay, someday to see
if my heart belongs to her
The fate of chance decides
Stars that cross someday align
Condemned to live the moment still
When she bid my love goodbye

chorus

I've learned the truth, there is no God
I've journeyed far beyond her love
I fight to feel perdition's flame
To taste her fire and know her name
The desperate drive that burns inside
To cloak the pain that never hides
No mercy for the weak or tame
Her virtues punish mine

bridge

I'll learn the lessons love will teach
I'll carry on, her heart I'll seek
No faith except in her
She'll summon me someday

chorus

I've learned the truth, there is no God
I've journeyed far beyond her love
I fight to feel perdition's flame
To taste her fire and know her name
The desperate drive that burns inside
To cloak the pain that never hides
No mercy for the weak or tame
Her virtues punish mine

chorus

I've learned the truth, there is no God
I've journeyed far beyond her love
I fight to feel perdition's flame
To taste her fire and know her name
The desperate drive that burns inside
To cloak the pain that never hides
No mercy for the weak or tame
Her virtues punish mine

(repeat chorus through fade out)

 

[icystorm]

I rewrote some of the lyrics I previously posted, which hopefully adds a little more depth to the song.

The song is about someone bravely clinging to a lost love in the face of little hope. There's a line in it that reads, "I fight to feel perdition's flame...", which is a way of saying that even though the woman doesn't reciprocate his feelings anymore, the guy still chooses to secretly love her and suffer the consequences from far away.

There is also a secular element to the song, in which the guy's faith is called into serious question and he embraces feeling hellbound.

I'm posting the demo backing track for now. I'll record the demo vocals soon.

As far as the backing track, the lead guitar will be replaced, a horns section may be added, and the drums will be replaced in the final version.

http://www.box.net/shared/cl405k36ou

- - - - l y r i c s - - - -

Perdition's Flame

verse 1

Her sabre’s cut was pure
The shiny steel fell sure and true
Through all my days, inside she'll stay
Where my heart belongs to her
Her prayers cascade through time
Her stormy calm foreshadows mine
Condemned to live the moment when
Heaven bid my heart goodbye

chorus

I've learned the truth, there is no God
I've journeyed far beyond her love
I fight to feel perdition's flame
To taste her fire and know her name
The desperate drive that fills the sky
and cloaks a pain that never hides
No mercy for the weak of heart
Her virtues punish me

verse 2

Her distant call allures
Her venom's sting defies a cure
Alone I'll stay, someday to see
if my heart belongs to her
The fate of chance decides
Stars that cross someday align
Until I'll live the moment when
Heaven bid my love goodbye

chorus

I've learned the truth, there is no God
I've journeyed far beyond her love
I fight to feel perdition's flame
To taste her fire and know her name
The desperate drive that fills the sky
and cloaks a pain that never hides
No mercy for the weak of heart
Her virtues punish me

bridge

I'll learn the lessons love will teach
I'll carry on, her heart I'll seek
My faith lives on in her
She'll summon me someday

chorus

I've learned the truth, there is no God
I've journeyed far beyond her love
I fight to feel perdition's flame
To taste her fire and know her name
The desperate drive that fills the sky
and cloaks a pain that never hides
No mercy for the weak of heart
Her virtues punish me

chorus

I've learned the truth, there is no God
I've journeyed far beyond her love
I fight to feel perdition's flame
To taste her fire and know her name
The desperate drive that fills the sky
and cloaks a pain that never hides
No mercy for the weak of heart
Her virtues punish me

(repeat chorus through fade out)

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[icystorm]

Here is a very rough demo mix with vocals, sans the bridge, which I'll add vocals for in the final mix when I finish building my new computer.

http://www.box.net/shared/r0e4vtcnx8

Comments on the song welcomed.

BTW, I have my new computer parts on order. The only two components that are not on my list below is a new m-audio Nova microphone and a Presonus Inspire pre-amp. I'm looking forward to recording in 24-bit sound with a real microphone and a pre-amp. My current system was not designed for recording music and vocals.

hard drive - Western Digital Caviar SE16 WD5000AAKS 500 GB Internal SATA
Hard Drive: $64.80
motherboard - Intel DX58SO Core i7 Motherboard - Nehalem Socket 1366:
$229.99
processor - Intel i7 core 2 920: $297.22
memory - SAMSUNG 4GB 2x 2GB DDR3 PC3-8500 1066 SONY VAIO Z570: $98.00
case / power supply - Sonata III Quiet Super Mini with 500w power supply:
$98.53
audio card - M-Audio Audiophile 192 Sound card - 192 kHz - 24-bit: $119.99
video card - Sapphire 100225L ATI Radeon HD 3870: $111.97
monitor - KDS K-2626MDHWB 26" WideScreen LCD 1920 x 1200 $339.00
DVD/CD-RW combo - Lite-On DH-52C2S: $21.90
USB keyboard/mouse - Logitech Internet 350 USB Keyboard & RX300 Optical
Mouse Combo: $14.59

total price: $1,395.99

 

[gecko zzed]

Perdition's Flame

Smooth, smooth, smooth . . .

You have developed unique style that suits you well (though with no small alegiance to Barry Gibb, as we've observed before). The instrumentation is steady, hypnotic and creamy.

And so, I think that, of the songs of yours I recollect, this is the best effort so far. I like the production values in this track and the overall effect you've achieved. I liked the falsetto bit you did towards the end, which added a timely change in flavour.

Lyrically, you have a great turn of phrase, and you manage to come up with winners for me, e.g.:
"Her prayers cascade through time/Her stormy calm foreshadows mine"
"The desperate drive that fills the sky"
"Her venom's sting defies a cure"

These are great lines, but none so amazing as the title itself: "Perdition's Flame"!

Having said that, there are some concerns rattling around my skull.

While I enjoyed this song, it is fundamentally not that different from other material I have heard. So what I've been hearing are progressively better versions of variations on a theme, where that 'theme' is your song-writing modus operandi.

I enjoy listening to your songs one at a time over a period of weeks, but what kind of variation would I expect from an album? Seeing as I referred to Barry Gibb already, see if you can get hold of the Bee Gees CD "This is where I came in", and listen to the huge amount of variety, drama and interest they can create in fourteen tracks, yet still retain that unmistakable Bee Gees flavour. I recommend stealing these musical ideas outrageously, because what I am dying to hear from you is some variety and drama of your own.

From the "Perdition's Flame" demo I sense that you are getting on top of the recording process, so now I suspect you won't have to worry too much about that aspect, and I would like to see you break your own recording 'rules' and try something different.

Next time I hear a song, I want to be able to exclaim "Wow! Is that Jospeh?"

 

[up-fiddler]

This is one silky.....

.....son of a gun to be certain. Your vox are beautiful as usual and sit well i the mix. One of the problems with a creamy voice is that you need to articulate EVERY SYLLABLE very carefully. Otherwise the lyrics start to blend together and detract from the storyline. Your voice is almost hypnotic and that sword has two edges. You have a wonderful gift which you have refined over time. Just be sure to articulate very carefully. A better signal path will help to provide more definition too so it may be less of an issue in the coming months.

The one thing I miss in your songs (And in MOST poptunes in general) is greater use of dynamics. Either you have been very careful with your recording levels or this work is compressed a bit much. It adds to the trance like effect of the music but I would like to hear more variations in volume and have the various instruments working in and out of the mix.

Don't get me wrong........this is great work. I just think that we can always get better and those would be my suggestions. It's always great to hear your newest stuff, Joseph, and this is no exception.

 

[icystorm]

Seeing as I referred to Barry Gibb already, see if you can get hold of the Bee Gees CD "This is where I came in", and listen to the huge amount of variety, drama and interest they can create in fourteen tracks, yet still retain that unmistakable Bee Gees flavour. I recommend stealing these musical ideas outrageously, because what I am dying to hear from you is some variety and drama of your own.

Thanks for listening, the kind words, and the advice. You made some great points and observations.

Sometimes it's difficult to push the "comfort level" into something bolder with additional variety; something that makes people take notice. I enjoy trying. I imagine the finished versions of my songs (vis-à-vis the demos) much more dynamic and polished.

I agree with you regarding the Bee Gees' CD TIWICI. I have over 100 Gibb-related CDs and that's one of them. Sadly, that was their final studio album before Maurice passed away.

BTW, if you enjoyed that particular CD, look for one of the unreleased outtakes from the same sessions, entitled "Sensuality".

That track was excluded from the CD purportedly because Universal (their label at the time) wanted to present the Bee Gees as a "family entertainment" group, and the lyrics were somewhat risque. If you have trouble locating it, let me know.

BTW, you are the king of great critiques and honest feedback! Do you write professionally?

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[icystorm]

...you need to articulate EVERY SYLLABLE very carefully. Otherwise the lyrics start to blend together and detract from the storyline...

[...]

The one thing I miss in your songs (And in MOST poptunes in general) is greater use of dynamics. Either you have been very careful with your recording levels or this work is compressed a bit much.

Dave, thanks for listening, the kind words, and the good advice, as always.

I definitely agree that I need to enunciate the lyrics more clearly. Sometimes, individual words suffer in order to make the lyrics blend with the melody, but most of the time, that could be avoided with added care.

I also strongly agree with you regarding the dynamics. You're definitely not alone in hearing the "over-compression". I am really hoping that the new equipment fixes the volume problems, which will mean that much less compression will be required and the dynamic range will improve.

I've heard great things about the presonus inspire. We'll see!

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[gecko zzed]

I am pleased that my critiques have some value to you. But I am not the only one with astute observations. Upfiddler is on the mark when he says:

"The one thing I miss in your songs (And in MOST poptunes in general) is greater use of dynamics. Either you have been very careful with your recording levels or this work is compressed a bit much. It adds to the trance like effect of the music but I would like to hear more variations in volume and have the various instruments working in and out of the mix."

On many other occasions when reviewing songs I have mentioned my personal obsession with variety and the need for instant gratification, and dynamic and sonic change is one way of slaking that thirst. There's nothing wrong with having a track that's hypnotically unchanging, but it is not something you can get away with all the time. One of my most favourite pieces of all time is Ravel's Bolero with its relentless percusiveness, but it is a treasure trove of interest with its layered and complex instrumentation.

Anyway, I look forward to your next creation.

No, I don't write professionally, except to the extent that my work in reviewing CDs entails.

 

[icystorm]

Upfiddler is on the mark...

I agree. Dave's comments are a pleasure to read here. He offers sound advice and good insight. Both of you have a great deal of musical wisdom to impart.

I also agree with you about the need for "instant gratification" in music, yet it's always a challenge to achieve balance between satisfying that need and composing something with enough complexity to avoid the "too shallow" label.

Of course, something can be complex and very catchy.

I think you nailed what's needed by citing "variety" as the key.

Cheers,
Joseph