Opinions on this song I wrote?

  • Thread starter Thread starter xela526
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xela526

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I wrote this a song one night.. i recorded it one afternoon. What are your thoughts on it? This is the internet, so don't be afraid to give honest opinions. I'm 16, i live with my parents and write music in their basement.

Equipment Used:

Casio Wk-3300
MXL V63M Microphone
M-Audio Fast Track
Mixcraft 4.0 (drum loops. i suck at making them.)
microKorg

 
Not really my cup of tea music wise...but sounded pretty decent in my opinion. It did have a bit of a muffled sound, but Im no mixing expert, so try the mp3 mixing clinic.
 
It's not the absolute worst thing I've ever heard, but it's got a lot of problems.

The choruses are okay, I guess. I like how you sing the melody across fours.

On the plus side, you can (mostly) hold a tune, you can string a sentence together, everything rhymes, and your song has a point.

Here's the thing - your vocal delivery is timid and unconvincing. You need to develop more confidence in your voice. Push a lot more air and work on developing a unique style. I suppose timid and unconvincing could be a style, but I don't think it's what you're looking for.

The words make sense, but you need to mind how individual words and phrases fall together and also how they sound, independently of your music. Back away from the vocoder and all pitch correction software for the time being.

Work on singing like a rock star. Then go through and take out every word that doesn't HAVE to be there, either because you require a certain number of syllables or because otherwise the meaning is lost.

It's an art, and not something I can give you a formula for.

As a sixteen year-old, I'd be very proud of your ability to write cogent lyrics at all. As you get older, your voice will mature and you will learn to write with an emotional weight your lyrics and delivery currently lack.

You might want to post stuff in the MP3 clinic if you're looking for feedback on your recordings.

Welcome to HR.
 
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Post it in the MP3 Clinic if you want a lot of input.

Is the huge reverb coming from the basement...or did you add that yourself? :eek:
Dry that shit out..WAY too much!

Your vocals need work...but one thing about writting lyrics, try not to cra so many lyrics into one sentance...it's like you're chasing the beat trying to squeeze in as any words as you can. Breathe a little between phrases. :)
Same thing goes for the instruments and arrangement...you're trying too hard to get as much in, and to have a little bit of everything in the one song.
Strip it down...keep it simple...and throw out half the lyrics but still try to say the same thing with less.

Oh...and please...DON'T fall into that trap of using the autotune "chirps" just to sound "hip". :rolleyes:
Be different...forget the chirps...they are overused in current music and pretty lame sounding these days...IMHO.

Nice first try...but you have a lot of work to do....don't stop though, you have some ability, now refine it.
 
Get a pop filter - your "p" sounds are hitting me in the head... I like the piano bit from 3.18 - very nice...not so fond of the synth preceding it.... you could easily remove some words that would make it work better as a whole... as others have pointed out, you're trying to hard, or that's how it appears. I try to avoid "therefore" and "however" in songwriting...

Definitely promising though. I think once you (a) have your heart broken a few more times (b) roughen your voice up on Jack Daniels for a few years (c) persuade your testicles to fully descend that your voice will strengthen....

Keep it up. And, the MP3 clinic next time.

Welcome to HR..

Kidding about the testicles..:D
 
Jeez Chili... don't DO that! I woke up and I was in the MP3 clinic... but I started out in Newbies...

Hey wow... there's other toons here too! I'll bet they're dying for my input... :laughings:
 
In addition to what has already been mentioned I'm hearing distortion on what I think is the vocal track. When words are punched hard, you can hear the track distort/clip.
 
I hear a lot of good things in this song....a nice melody....
and Instrumentally a lot of good things going on here.
Just keep on working on it, it might sound better without the drum track actually !!!
but a lot of positives here.

YouTube - Up Above My Head
 
I wont comment on the arrangement as thats not really the purpose of the clinic

Mix wise its swimming in reverb, really need to dry it out a bit.....think about the soundstage that your presenting your audience and how the instruments would be set out there...at the moment it sounds like a cavern not a stage...the backing needs a little more separation, try some mild compression on that drum loop, give it a little boost in the kick and snares region to start

spread the synth sound out...the piano sounds good, maybe a little more eq in the higher mids to give it a little more punch..

I liked the vocal delivery, its wordy so delivery is never going to be in a rock style...


all in all this is solid for the time you took and your experience...and that will come


welcome to HR :)
 
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