ok, you guys want my links, here they are, have a field day

  • Thread starter Thread starter Reformed Comic
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so you are the dude who is formerly known as a super critic right?
glad you finally posted your shit. dude you should stick around, you could learn a lot from almost anyone here LOL.

that was some of the worst music i've heard posted on this website. seriuosly dude, i don't even know where to start.
 
The songs he writes are often interesting and whether you like it or not (I happen to like it) his voice engages as well. What's needed is a *band*.
 
No I'm not SuperCritic

that's a load of crap.

Thanks Dobro..
 
Re: No I'm not SuperCritic

Reformed Comic said:
that's a load of crap.

Thanks Dobro..

oh. sorry. then this is the best music i've ever heard on this board. LOL.

ok, then i know where to start. start by laying off the limiter on the songs on mp3.com. sounds like everything was smashed right up to 0db.
 
dobro said:
The songs he writes are often interesting and whether you like it or not (I happen to like it) his voice engages as well. What's needed is a *band*.

I think I agree with this. Especially the BAND part. A couple of people that can play guitars and that own guitar tuners would be a great start.
 
Re: yeah

Reformed Comic said:
I have a bad habit of doing that.

then stop now. start with simply normalizing and then use only the smallest amount of compression necessary to get you to an average volume of like -16db.

most of your instruments sound virtual anyway, and those usually come precompressed.
 
FT - Too Elusive...

Don't like the electric gtr tone at the beginning... drums are clipping... (snare)... the 2-mix has been run thru some type of compressor, not limiter... the mix breathes and pumps.

Timing issues....

Pitch on vox.

Backup vox - clipping.

Not a bad song... in the writing dept. Recording needs help... gtr needs some practice...

Sounds like some Tom Petty/Paul Simon influences.

Advise paying closer attention to getting cleaner gtr trax (less amp noise), better pitch on vocals, and not mixing everything so hot... aim for -3db or so... give yourself that 3db to "play with" so that further adjustments won't make the wave clip.

Then, if you want it louder, use the L1/L2 or whatever limiter you have. Compressing a 2-mix doesn't make a mix louder. Limiting does.

Not too shabby. But not super great, either :)


Chad
 
Re: The guitars are in tune

Reformed Comic said:
That's a crock.
You can't tuna fish..but you can tune that damn guitar!
























Well............................can't ya?:D
 
I listened to Righteous Girl. I thought the tracking was really good. All the different instruments had a nice balanced eq and the mix sat together pretty well. It was a little on the long side with not a lot of changes, but I figured that might not be the case if I was a big R & B fan. Cortex the Killer may be my favourite Young tune, and he doesn't start singing until he's played the same there chords 65 times in a row, so go figure.

The singing worked, nice backing vocals.
 
Too Elusive

I took the liberty of typing the lyrics as I really couldn’t follow them by just listening. Please forgive any errors. I just did this quickly while I listened.

Verse 1

It’s when I’m feeling down
That’s when she comes around
Makes me feel like she’s the one who knows me
Time goes by so fast
Until the moment’s past
When we say goodbye means goodbye

Chorus

She’s too elusive
She’s too elusive
She’s too elusive
For what she’s worth

Verse 2

Soon enough it seems
Those times were in my dreams
And I’m sure that that’s the last I’ll see her
But there she is again
My just forgotten friend
I’m not proud, I don’t play games I just take her back

[repeat chorus]

Bridge

Get closer too a woman if your not involved with her
I always end up living where you can’t say how you feel

Verse 3

I’ve tried to make her change
It couldn’t be arranged
In fact the more I try the more she backs off
She’ll never let me in
This thing is just no win
The one I want to hold has turned to vapor again

[repeat chorus]

I split out my critique into songwriting and performance/production comments. These are all IMHO and I am just being honest about what I hear. I also downloaded “I’m on to you” If I have time, I’ll take a critical listen to that as well. No promise though. :)

The song:

Verse 1

Not terrible. The rhymes are a bit predictable IMO. The last line doesn’t really make sense to me. IMO the first verse does not adequately set up the chorus. Hmmm…maybe it does. I guess she comes & goes in that verse. Not convinced on that one. I think it’s that last line. It’s not leading me into the chorus.

Chorus

The hook is decent if maybe a bit overused. I’m longing to here something else in there. But not terrible.

The last line of kind of throws me again. It sounds like you are saying that it isn’t worth it, but since I know darn well you still have 2 verses and a bridge coming, I wonder why you continue. It seems to take the hope out of the end of the song to me.

verse 2

Seems like a lot of the same of verse 1. The only line that seems to advance the song here IMO is that you keep taking her back. Maybe the first two verses could be smashed together to one verse that shows this pattern? Just a rambling thought.

bridge

This doesn’t really do anything for me. For this structure you have, IMO the bridge is where the knockout punch needs to be. The lyrical high point of the song. This is where grown men should be weeping :D. I don’t see that here. In fact it seems barely related to the rest of the song to me.

verse 3

This is your best verse IMO. I think this would make a good second verse after properly setting up the chorus with a combo of verse 1 & 2. I like the last line of this verse. It does a good job leading me into the chorus.

The reason I think this would make a good second verse is that in the structure you have chosen, IMO, this last verse needs to have a payoff of some sort. I don’t see one here. It’s just kind of more of the same. The story needs to twist here somehow, or be advanced to an emotional place the listener maybe wasn’t expecting.

overall comments on the song

Overall structure is pretty good. You might have a problem with some real rhyme structure sticklers on the last line of each verse & the chorus. They don’t consistently fit in a rhyme scheme.

The recording & performance:

What I liked

Organ in the second chorus sounds pretty good

BG vocals in second chorus & bridge & beyond are nice – could be tightened up a bit

I like the way the guitar solo kind of attacked when it came in – still not crazy about the tone of the fuzz or clean leads.

What I didn’t like:

I’m not crazy about the fuzz guitar tone.

Your vocals are out of tune quite a lot.

The voice sounds very clipped in a lot of spots

The whole thing sounds overcompressed & clipped.

Lead vocal is kind of boomy

The synth tone coming into the third verse

Some timing issues/dropped beats on the drums

Drums sound pretty crunched (along with everything else)

Overall recording sounds pretty muddy.
 
Well, let me add some illumination about the lyrics ..

but when we say goodbye it means goodbye

ah, this just means you don't know how long it's gonna be when she goes away

In the second verse, yes, she's gone and suddenly she's back. I was just stating what the guy does, it's more exposition than trying to do anything special there.

As for the last line in the chorus "Too elusive for what she's worth" well, this is one of those things though the guy is singing one thing, but by the fact he's singing it at all in the first place, you know he's really thinking something else.

As for the bridge, you can do a lot of different things with bridges.


Get closer to a woman if your not involved with her
I always end up living where you can’t say how you feel

In this one I decided to use an overview of how I viewed the singer's situation with women, sort of placing this particular lady in context of all of them. Personally I really like it, and those are in my mind the most important lines in the song.

Anyway, thanks for the comments.
 
most of your instruments sound virtual anyway,
[p]
The tone is not good on the guitars... and they aren't in tune. But worse than that... the person playing plays leads like a 9 year old first year student.
 
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