OK a little help needed

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Abyyss

Abyyss

that's life
I probably should have posted this in the Songwriting section, but seeing as the feed back here is always good and strong and what-not, plus this is actually dedicated 2 hip-hop.... blah blah blah.....

Ya'll gonna hear me flow soon (don't worry, I'm using someone elses beat) - I decided that I should do what I do best (flow) before I start 2 try and do everything.

Anyway, I've got the first verse (out of 4 - they're not very long 'coz there's lot's of hooks) and a chorus on its way. But when I was practicing the chorus I started finding it easier to flow the lines a different way, so I changed the order, but then it seemed 2 make more sense the other way. So which one? Both have the same lyrics, just a different order:

1

One day everything you know is gonna go,
All you can do is grab the mic an' flow,
Eternity has never ever stooped this low,
But now's ya' chance, you got ya' skills to show,
Somehow you gotta let the whole world know,
How you can catch a moment and make it last forever, so,
Even though everything you know is gonna go,
You'll be fine as long as you just sit back an' flow.

2

One day everything you know is gonna go,
All you can do is grab the mic an' flow,
Somehow you gotta let the whole world know,
How you can catch a moment and make it last forever, so,
Even though everything you know is gonna go,
You'll be fine as long as you just sit back an' flow,
Eternity has never ever stooped this low,
But now's ya' chance, you got ya' skills to show.

Which one?
 
Abyyss said:

1

One day everything you know is gonna go,
All you can do is grab the mic an' flow,
Eternity has never ever stooped this low,
But now's ya' chance, you got ya' skills to show,

Somehow you gotta let the whole world know,
How you can catch a moment and make it last forever, so,
Even though everything you know is gonna go,
You'll be fine as long as you just sit back an' flow.

2

One day everything you know is gonna go,
All you can do is grab the mic an' flow,
Somehow you gotta let the whole world know,
How you can catch a moment and make it last forever, so,

Even though everything you know is gonna go,
You'll be fine as long as you just sit back an' flow,
Eternity has never ever stooped this low,
But now's ya' chance, you got ya' skills to show.

Which one?
Click to expand...

Abyyss,

I'm going to say #2. The first one is cool and makes sense but for a hook it wouldn't be as memorable as #2. #2 is more symmetrical in that the 1st line matches the 5th line and the 2nd the 6th. This will make it easier for listeners to sign along with you after just one or two listens.

BTW, by the looks of it you have a cool song in the works. When can we hear it?

Stray
 
Soon, I just got 3 more verses 2 write.

I'm using this beat called "Rainy Funeral" (though I've forgotten where I got it from:D)
 
Abyyss,

Which one were you thinking? You're using a track from another song for this? Is it cleared or are your just using it for demo purposes?

Stray
 
http://www.mp3.com/DoubleStar

^ it's the track called "Rainy Funeral" (or something like that)

It says you can use it for demos, etc. It just inspired me when I heard it and I found I was already writing lyrics for it so I decided I had to use it.
 
Abyyss,

That's cool. Which version of the hook were you leaning towards?

Stray
 
Every time the backing vocals comes in.

It means you get a lot of hooks, emphasizing(sp?) the chorus, but each verse is shortened 2 about 30 secs. But u do then get 4 verses which gives about 2 mins. so it isn't that bad. Certainly enough to show off a bit :D

When the backing vocals come in try saying the lyrics to yourslef (not fast) and you'll see they fit perfectly except for maybe the "You'll be fine as long as you just sit back an' flow" line, but it does go with practice.
 
Abyyss,

Sorry I'm confused. I was wondering which version you were leaning towards, #1 or #2.

For what I can tell both versions flow fine, I just thought #2 would be easier for listeners to recite, which is the point of a hook. Which version were you thinking?

Stray
 
I just realized what u meant.

I thought you'd found another possible hook in the beat and I was explaining the hook in the beat that I'm using.

My fault.

Yes, and both do flow fine - I made sure if that before asking ;)
 
After your comments here, I'll probably lean towards #2.

(sorry, this was meant to be in the post before, but I forgot)
 
Abyyss,

Just listened to the beat. It's got a nice deep, emotional vibe to it. I played around with the hook a little bit and it works real nice. Not sure what your plan is, but harmonizing on a few of the lines in the hook might make for a real nice impact. Just a thought.

What happened to the collabo between you and Atillah on your track? I downloaded the MIDI file and was messing around with it a little bit, but I didn't want to step on anyones toes.

Stray
 
That's a nice idea. I might need a little help with it though.

As for the collab. w/ Atillah, I haven't heard from him for a while. You may as well post urs up, I'm sure he won't mind - I think he's having a well- deserved rest from all those hard exams:) If he's managed 2 get round 2 doing one as well then that'd be cool to see the differences and similarities between them.
 
Abyyss,

Yeah, I can do that. I can't seem to find the files but I'll download them again and get up a revision by next weekend. I couldn't get the drum track working so I'll just make something similar if that's cool with you.

Stray
 
Yeah, there's something up with the drums.

I think it's because the instrument that I used for the drums is based on wav samples rather than straight-out midi.

If you need help with the drums I could try and get a copy of the score up here for you, but they're not really that complicated.

They're the same all the way through: switching between 1 and 2 snares on the verses and 2 kicks + 2 snareson the hooks.
 
nice slim shady type feel to this beat, would like to hear the completed song!!
Ldy
:cool:
 
Yeah, shady's one of my biggest influences, along with dre, snoop, d12 and the late 2pac.
 
try it like this :)


One day everything I know is gonna go,

All I can do is grab this mic an' flow

n' let the whole world know Abyss is 'bout to blow

Catch this moment and make it last forever, ho

Even though everything I know is 'bout to go,

I sit back - relax - mix the tracks an' lock the flow,

Eternity has never ever stooped so low,

But now's my chance, I got mad skillz ta show. Yooooooooooo
 
That's neat.

I'll see how it goes with the beat, but that'd be nice for the last chorus.

Thanks.:)
 
I've just looked at my entire overview of the song and that'd be a perfect ending 'coz it starts off in a first person explaining it, then it goes into a third person looking at my life then back again. And seen as the song jumps at me a bit and it's all about chances that'd just be perfect. Thanks again for shedding that light on me. I hadn't considered it before.
 
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