New Song (Seeking Arrangement Feedback)

[Nola]

All good thanks.

 

[DM60]

To further expand on the arrangement, but this comment is production oriented, a low-fi start, like 78 record low-fi on the vocals. That would compliment that distorted organ. IMO, the song never seems to find a groove. I liked the first part, but in my head, I was waiting for it to go to "its" place. I think starting the way you have it, then move into a more "fuller" rhythmic song. It just seemed to meander without form or purpose.

Just an opinion, even if you have another objective for the song, the purpose never becomes clear. Hope you find this constructive.

 

[Nola]

To further expand on the arrangement, but this comment is production oriented, a low-fi start, like 78 record low-fi on the vocals. That would compliment that distorted organ. IMO, the song never seems to find a groove. I liked the first part, but in my head, I was waiting for it to go to "its" place. I think starting the way you have it, then move into a more "fuller" rhythmic song. It just seemed to meander without form or purpose.

Just an opinion, even if you have another objective for the song, the purpose never becomes clear. Hope you find this constructive.

Thanks for your thoughts. The lofi vocal idea is good.
Yeah, it is kinda in "free time" so no "groove"...I did this because I wanted a free/floaty/unchained feel to match what the lyrics are about. But I think I'm going to ask our drummer to build up something for a crescendo at the end. The song is about a girl showing me what true love is, so that is the objective/purpose, and that is in the lyrics more than the arrangement.

 

[BTStudio]

I tried that low fi thing on this song, 40 miles to go, and I’m not sure if I liked how it worked out. I still cringe a bit every time I hear it. Maybe it will be better for you. You can always try it out to see.
I think maybe after the first verse you should find a way to make things more structured like a traditional song would be. You could end it by reverting back to the original free form style, that might get your point across but still give the listener something to lock in on.
Just some thoughts. Cheers

 

[Nola]

I tried that low fi thing on this song, 40 miles to go, and I’m not sure if I liked how it worked out. I still cringe a bit every time I hear it. Maybe it will be better for you. You can always try it out to see.
I think maybe after the first verse you should find a way to make things more structured like a traditional song would be. You could end it by reverting back to the original free form style, that might get your point across but still give the listener something to lock in on.
Just some thoughts. Cheers

Thanks. Yeah it is brand new, and we practice tomorrow, so the band will work on it for the first time. We will see what they come up with. I was just trying to brainstorm for that session by fielding any/all ideas. Thanks!