New song -- Another's Shoulders

[icystorm]

I mixed a rough demo of a new song I wrote. It's called "Another's Shoulders".

This song still needs a lot of work, especially the vocals and the mix. Remember, this is a only an early demo with numerous imperfections, but hopefully it relates my idea of how the song flows.

http://www.box.net/shared/klrpoqa5hc

After I wrote this song, I mused that my ideal choice of vocalist for the song would be someone like Pat Benatar using the vocal style she used on "Love is a Battlefield". I'll just put her on my Christmas wish list and see what happens. Heh.

I would appreciate any feedback on the song itself. (I already know my singing is fugly).

Season's Greetings,
Joseph

- - - l y r i c s - - -

"Another's Shoulders"

Words and music by: Joseph Spain

verse 1

You're who you are for the world to see
You're where you are, where you choose to be
Your taste of love still remains with me
and I've gone down inside you, baby

I never thought you'd turn away
I never dreamed you'd ever leave
I can't come to terms to face the way you said goodbye

chorus 1

Tears are falling while I'm sleeping
I lie beneath you in my dreams
Till I wake I won't remember
that you sleep where your head will rest
on another's shoulders tonight
and it won't be mine

What we learn when we pay attention
Love is blind and we never see
Till I dream my heart will remember
that you sleep where your head will rest
on another's shoulders tonight
and your love's not mine

verse 2

Somewhere you live your life of lies
Your deed fulfilled your destiny
On the day you wed you spoke and cried
from your heart you vowed your life to me

Your affair became your cross of pain
and every day I live in misery
I can't come to terms to face the love we lost for life

chorus 1

Tears are falling while I'm sleeping
I lie beneath you in my dreams
Till I wake I won't remember
that you sleep where your head will rest
on another's shoulders tonight
and it won't be mine

What we learn when we pay attention
Love is blind and we never see
Till I dream my heart will remember
that you sleep where your head will rest
on another's shoulders tonight
and your love's not mine

chorus 2

Tears are falling while I'm sleeping
You lie beneath me in my dreams
Till I wake I won't remember
that you sleep where your head will rest
on another's shoulders tonight
and it won't be mine

What we learn when we pay attention
Love is blind and we never see
Till I dream my heart will remember
that you sleep where your head will rest
on another's shoulders tonight
and your love's not mine

(repeat chorus through fade)

 

[danny.guitar]

Everything sounds great except vocals. I can't stand them, couldn't make it that far into the song.

 

[icystorm]

Thanks for the feedback, and I agree. I'm looking for a real singer to improve
my low quality demos into good songs.

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[danny.guitar]

Thanks for the feedback, and I agree. I'm looking for a real singer to improve
my low quality demos into good songs.

Cheers,
Joseph

Post back when you get a good vocalist. I think everything else sounds great I just can't get past the vocals, sorry. Production sounds like it was done well though.

 

[icystorm]

Hey, no apologies are necessary, guy. I'm the first to admit that I can't sing, but it's a necessary evil in order to communicate the idea to someone else who can sing.

I wish that the beautiful vocals in my head would emerge when I open my mouth, but that's wishful thinking. Ques sera. Heh.

Joseph