new lyrics

[LI_Slim]

Any feedback is welcome.



Tribeca Coyote (c)2010 Larry Kolker


I've been walking on these streets so long
Been many moons since I left home
These caves of concrete, glass and steel
It never ends, it don't seem real

Is noone here like me?
Dreams like me, let me be
Tribeca Coyote Tribeca Coyote

I should have stayed up in the woods
Where who you are is understood
But something drew me to this place
Just capture me, it's in my face

Is noone here like me?
Dreams like me, let me be
Tribeca Coyote Tribeca Coyote

 

[apamallard]

Tribeca Coyote is a really nice phrase and hook.

I think this song could use another verse. Maybe something that explores the human relationships this guy (I assume) has in the city, why he's uncomfortable, why he feels that 'no one here is like me'. A verse like that might help the listener to understand further why this guy feels ill at ease in the city and why he'd rather return to the wilderness.

You could also write a verse with some resolution. Either his escape (which I wouldn't recommend) or his grave acceptance of the lot he has. Something about how he won't or can't leave. It might bring some poignience to the song and make it feel more complete.

Cheers.

 

[LI_Slim]

Thanks.

Actually, I've been thinking about a third verse (or a bridge).

 

[Milnoque]

+1 to apamallards post. It's spot on.

I like the work. I just wanted to post to offer encouragement. This has potential.

 

[LI_Slim]

Thanks.

I'm planning on recording it soon; will let you know.

Still ambivalent about more exposition though...

 

[LI_Slim]

third verse

third verse:


No more hiding no more rage
Coyote of the modern age
I curl around and have a sit
A smoke hangs from my furry lips

[chorus]

 

[apamallard]

I'm not really suggesting exposition. I think developing the narrative giving a conclusion is more my point. Your song though! Be good to hear it if/when you record it.