Need little criticism on my new demo (Indie Folk)

C

Chuku

New member
Hey all,

I am planning to record my new original but before that I've been experimenting with some new ideas. I have wrote this song a few months back and i was wondering if i could get some criticism on it like for Guitarring or Vocals or melody or any other thing that strikes on your mind after you listen to it..

So can you please please leave me some of your thoughts??:eatpopcorn:

please note that it is just a partial song which is recorded on a cell phone (Planning to do a clean Studio Version now)

Thanks a lot.
 

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Hey there, good pulse to the tune, but the playing is a little sloppy in maintaining that pulse. Good emotion in the vocal. Whatever it is you're saying you sound genuine. I'd tighten up the acoustic playing in terms of timing and maybe even the dynamics (some notes were quite loud compared to the others, sounded like lack of finger control). I liked the tune. More clarity in the enunciation would be nice, too, because the lyrics were hard to make out.
 
Hey Nola,
Thanks for your feedback mate :)
Yes, the timing is little sloppy as i recorded without metronome directly on a cell phone. I am just planning to do it a clean studio version after i get some feedbacks.

Thanks :)
 
I liked the song. I think the mix is kind of muddy and dull and lacks definition and high end shimmer.
 
I'm not a mixing specialist.
But the Guitar seems to be not coming through completely.
Maybe there would do some compression good. On the vocals its the same.
On the other hand maybe its a problem of the mic position or something.
I like your song :-)
Have a nice weekend.
 
These are my thoughts on what I've heard, since this is obviously not a complete song.

The guitar part is nice, and as others have mentioned the timing is off. But, damn it's a cell phone recording. So, you'll do it right in the studio. It could use a little more flair UNLESS you plan on other instrumentation. If you are changing it up (even on this) it's not enough to be noticed. This seems like a riff repeated over and over for 1:21 seconds, which might seem short, but without depth will lose the listeners attention by the 3rd or 4th repetition. Since it's not a full song, I imagine there's going to be a chorus and chord progression to give it that depth. If there isn't... Then you might be in trouble.

I've written and recorded songs that don't have a bridge. But, the difference between my verses and choruses are enough that I don't feel a bridge is necessary. Many disagree with that. But, they also think Lou Reed and Suzanne Vega falter on this also. So, it's all a matter of taste. From what you've posted in this song, there doesn't seem to be a chorus. But, you do mention that it's just part of a song.

The last piece is your melody. There are two things I noticed. I do the same thing, so take it from someone who is in the same boat.

1) The melody blends beautifully with the guitar part, but it doesn't stretch from there. So, you have a guitar riff you're repeating and a melody line that is also trying to repeat. How many times can you repeat before it gets static?

2) The first line is perfect "We fly high - desert sky" within the riff. The next line (I have a hard time understanding the lyrics. But, again it's a cell phone recording. I wouldn't even consider putting up anything I just sat and recorded. It'd be frightening) adds a lot of syllables and you try to squeeze them into the same melody. It sounds forced and unmelodic. Flesh out the melody a little further. You'll find moving a note a 3rd or 5th will bring all new ideas for melody.

You have a really nice voice, and kudos for making a cell phone recording sound decent. I need melodyne to fix every note I utter. Even with that, sometimes I'm off.

Good Luck with the recording.
 
Hey Snowman,
Thanks for your feedback, i really appreciate it.
I have started a clean studio recording and i am experimenting with all the ideas that i have in my head. I am still not sure how the verse, chorus etc would line up. This is the first time i am trying a different way so lets hope it would sound great at last.

Cheers :)
 
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