My New Song

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sandwiches

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howdy.

i haven't been here in a while, so most of you will not remember my last song ("happy apple trees"), or the critique i gave for your songs. but i've been so busy, that only up till now, have i been able to record another one.

so i'm a bit of a stranger here... but i have a new one now called "plans".

although the song has been on the works for months, it has not been listened to by any one else but me really, because i'm a little self-consious about showing this track as im not sure if it's good or not. so i want you all to tell me what you think and any suggestions or anything.

in particulars:

(1) how you like the song as a song?
(2) timing, performance issues (in particular vocals)
(3) mixing and eq-ing issues.
(4) anything that you think is strikingly wrong.

and please be honest. because i will be using these comments to try to improve the song.

cheers.

the song is at
http://www.nowhereradio.com/waiholiu/singles
and called "plans"

and i've also included lyrics at
http://songdetails.tripod.com/plans-web.htm
if it helps
 
Honesty? Ok! Whose playing the piano? Because that's the first thing wrong I hear. It's wacked, wrong notes, sloppy. Now the positive I like the voice, it's a little shaky at times but overall I like it. It's a cool song, just get somebody who knows how to really play the piano and you got yourself a gem.
 
Massimo said:
Honesty? Ok! Whose playing the piano? Because that's the first thing wrong I hear. It's wacked, wrong notes, sloppy. Now the positive I like the voice, it's a little shaky at times but overall I like it. It's a cool song, just get somebody who knows how to really play the piano and you got yourself a gem.
Click to expand...

hey thank you for the response. i was beginning to think maybe the song was really really bad or wasn't even working. glad you didn't mind the singing, that is what i'm most concerned about really, especially the "weeeeeeeeeeeee" bit at the beginning.

the piano is played by no one. it's pre-programming in fruity loops. i know there's a few clashy notes in the intro, but i really like the feel of it. maybe i'll change it if everyone else thinks it's crap too.

thanks for your opinion.
 
More honesty, the problem with the piano is not just the intro, through out the song it just sounds like there's wrong notes being hit as well as just sounding amateour. It's killing the song. The voice and all is cool though. I liked it right off the bat. I gaurantee you that something is wrong with the piano parts. Ok, that's my four cents.
 
I think the tune is pretty good, some nice lyrics in there, but everyone is right, there is something over-all out of sync.

Maybe the guitar is not in tune with the piano?
 
I love the John Lennon quality of your voice and song! I agree that something is wrong with the piano--- maybe just alittle tweaking
 
Something wrong somewhere..... I'll try to listen again, later.
 
Not a bad song. If you used a bit more natural sounding piano patch it might work a lil better. That synth is a little too strong throughout the piece but sounds ok. The drums work but the kick sounds kinda unnatural, I know FL has some better sounding drumkits. Id bring all the music down substantially and let the voice be the focal point.
 
This song aint bad. But the intro doesn't really fit with the song. It has a lot of tension, but there's not really anything about the rest of the song that fits it. Also the drum track get quite repetitive, mostly the hit hat.
 
hi everybody

thank you for taking the time to reply.

it looks like the opinion is pretty much very similiar.

the vocals are good (this is actually the first time i've received compliments about my voice - i was quite happy about the john lennon comparison thank you betty lol)

the song itself is good.

but the intro and the piano in general sounds crap.

i think toki's comments were accurate. this was my first time i've used fruity loops or a synthestier for instrument arrangement and i may need to improve on that aspect.

i will probably try to change the piano sound and probably rearrange the drums too. i have made drum parts that sounded realistic, but i think i sorta want a little "artifical-ness" this time. just don't think a live rock type sound would suit it. but the piano definately a more natural sound, something less bright.

and everyone hates the intro, im disappointed about that, because i really liked it. i know there are some wrong notes, and im tossing between getting rid or them or using my creative license.

thanks for listening everyone. looks like i have a little work to do.

by the way, did anyone really get anything out of the lyrics? the lyrics to me is the most important part of this song. it's the first positive song i've written where i believe every word.
 
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