Music is a cruel mistress

MrUserNameIV said:
Video games are the culmination of every known artistic discipline. Some are boring, but some have a really interesting visual and/or auditory style. For example: The Bioshock series are fantastic in that way: Especially Bioshock Infinite. (The Elder Scrolls games are also great for that) Some people take them far too seriously, but there are some games that are every bit as much of a work of art as a great film or a great album (just a different artistic medium).
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I don't doubt the skill and creativity that goes into designing a modern video game. I only facepalm sitting in front of a TV playing one for hours and hours.
 
Thank you for posting this. I'm sorry you felt that giving up was the only way. A really old black musician took me under his wing when I was only fifteen and this is one of the things he told me. Music is not a mistress, it is a lover. The frustration is from all the other things that come along with her. Setting up, bad cords, lost nuts, splinters, crushed fingers, the weight of the bass drum, the irritation when the leader asks the drummer to move a setup a "little more to the left". Everything that isn't music is what wears you and grinds you down. Go home for a while. Call the band mates and tell them you just need a break and why. They will understand unless they are the problem. I quit a band because one member had no intention of improving and thought it was cute whenever he screwed up onstage. After a year of him resisting, he finally just told me he was not going to change. He was a boyhood chum of the leader and he wouldn't fire him so I quit that night. Write, and record. Take your time. You're still quite young inside. Sometimes the body is just not up to it anymore. I started getting used to taking more time and lifting fewer things and lightening stuff and using a folding hand truck when I was in my forties. I'm 69 now and still going strong. I refuse to let other people or other things get between me and my lover. Good Luck and don't quit.
Rod Norman
Musician and Engineer

dragonworks said:
I finally gave up. After 55 years of playing music, I've had it. Quit the band, my band, taking my studio equipment and going home.
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Rod Norman said:
Thank you for posting this. I'm sorry you felt that giving up was the only way. A really old black musician took me under his wing when I was only fifteen and this is one of the things he told me. Music is not a mistress, it is a lover. The frustration is from all the other things that come along with her. Setting up, bad cords, lost nuts, splinters, crushed fingers, the weight of the bass drum, the irritation when the leader asks the drummer to move a setup a "little more to the left". Everything that isn't music is what wears you and grinds you down. Go home for a while. Call the band mates and tell them you just need a break and why. They will understand unless they are the problem. I quit a band because one member had no intention of improving and thought it was cute whenever he screwed up onstage. After a year of him resisting, he finally just told me he was not going to change. He was a boyhood chum of the leader and he wouldn't fire him so I quit that night. Write, and record. Take your time. You're still quite young inside. Sometimes the body is just not up to it anymore. I started getting used to taking more time and lifting fewer things and lightening stuff and using a folding hand truck when I was in my forties. I'm 69 now and still going strong. I refuse to let other people or other things get between me and my lover. Good Luck and don't quit.
Rod Norman
Musician and Engineer
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a good post.

personally I will never quit. yeah, the pay ain't great (although I do pay a substantial mortgage with it ) but is good pay why we got into it?
Nope ..... money had exactly nothing to do with why I started playing.

So why would I quit because there's not enough money?

If you quit because it's too much trouble if you're not getting good pay then that's fine but don't tell me you love music because you don't.
And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that ....... it is indeed silly to keep doing something you don't enjoy anymore.

But no one should feel bad for someone who quits because "the only way to make real money is to tour" ....... lol.

Oh, well if I can't make real money there's no reason to play. :laughings:
 
I like shooting people and blowing schit up. So, I'm not real big on role playing games. Also writing songs about shooting people and blowing schit up is good too. Maybe before you give up on music you should write songs that are horribly angry and go against all your moral values. Some times punching holes in the walls helps too. Maybe a little head banging into a refrigerator will work. Music has never been a chore for me, always just something fun to do. Even though I might think about quitting today if I sleep on it I might have a change of heart tomorrow :D
 
dragonworks said:
I finally gave up. After 55 years of playing music, I've had it. Quit the band, my band, taking my studio equipment and going home.
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I just hit the big 60 and really want to start back into music. After 15 yrs in my earlier days life happened with a good secure job, wife and 7 kids plus lots of other adventures. That mistress still tugged at me and I ocassionally gave in. (moved the home studio several times, almost completely sold out twice!) She never leaves you alone and I find that reassuring. It's one of the few constants I can count on through my life. I may try Motown/bluegrass this time. Now THAT would be different!
 
To the 'old guys' who posted here, thanks for some perspective that is pretty relevant to me now.
I'm only 42 now, and just took on a job with a production company doing sound, lighting, and a bit of stand in performance work if needed. It's pretty cheesey stuff, some tribute bands, casino shows and small to mid sized venues, that B-list sort of thing. It's only a part timer, and won't make me a living, but i suppose it's a foot in the door and might lead to more. I've worked mostly as a tree-lopper, motor mechanic and horticulturalist over the last 20 years, and made some reasonable money running my own businesses, so it might sound idiotic - but damn the money, i get to make some noise and play with some nice gear, that i don't have to pay for, unless i break it.
But seriously, i've always had a fascination with audio tech, production and music, played guitar and bass since i was a young dumb punk, and always tooled around with gear and recording from 4-track cassettes til what i got now, which is not much better. I figure it's better to get paid less to do something i want to do, and love, than continue with what has become stale and boring. Thanks for the validation about chasing my mistress. I might regret it someday - but it's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done. I heard that on a Butthole Surfers record, so it must be true!
PS: I can fill in the downtime with video games - more win win for me :thumbs up:
 
Anders Erisian said:
I figure it's better to get paid less to do something i want to do, and love, than continue with what has become stale and boring. Thanks for the validation about chasing my mistress.
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which is what I've said all along.
If music or audio makes you happy that's what you should do ...... it's just helpful ( IMO ) to know what will make money anmd what won't but that alone should not be what drives your choices ....... unless your prime goal is money.
 
anders erisian said:
to the 'old guys' who posted here, thanks for some perspective that is pretty relevant to me now.
I'm only 42 now, and just took on a job with a production company doing sound, lighting, and a bit of stand in performance work if needed. It's pretty cheesey stuff, some tribute bands, casino shows and small to mid sized venues, that b-list sort of thing. It's only a part timer, and won't make me a living, but i suppose it's a foot in the door and might lead to more. I've worked mostly as a tree-lopper, motor mechanic and horticulturalist over the last 20 years, and made some reasonable money running my own businesses, so it might sound idiotic - but damn the money, i get to make some noise and play with some nice gear, that i don't have to pay for, unless i break it.
But seriously, i've always had a fascination with audio tech, production and music, played guitar and bass since i was a young dumb punk, and always tooled around with gear and recording from 4-track cassettes til what i got now, which is not much better. I figure it's better to get paid less to do something i want to do, and love, than continue with what has become stale and boring. Thanks for the validation about chasing my mistress. I might regret it someday - but it's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done. I heard that on a butthole surfers record, so it must be true!
Ps: I can fill in the downtime with video games - more win win for me :thumbs up:
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perfect :D
 
As I read the various responses I find it interesting how different the approach is from many people.

I'm one of the "old guys" (60 plus). 7 years full time in my teens and early 20's and then almost 40 years "part time (which was anywhere from 1-6 gigs a week while holding down a day gig). I needed to earn a better living then music wouuld allow to support my family - but there was no way I could not gig. When I hit the age of 57 (there abouts) I came to the conclusion that I had lost the fire for live performanace. I still enjoyed the time on stage, interacting with other musicians (if they were talented), and trying to play at a high skill level (and I worked with various bands so I avoided the rut of playing the same songs week after week) - but hauling gear, late hours and dealing with drunken audiance members, asshole club owners (and occasionally drunken, asshole club owners) all became too much. While being a "sideman" I avoided much of the drama that happens in bands, however I was never fully excluded (lead vocalists and lead guitar players all seem to have sooooo much baggage - which often manifests itself at gigs) - which simply added to the many reasons playing gigs became too much of a hassel to deal with.

I knew my time as a gigging musician was gradually coming to an end (I still do 6-12 gigs a year - mainly for the money - but I'm very selective) - so I invested all my gig money into gear and started to really focus on writing and recording (and learning how to play many instruments I had never found time to try). I know I will always be a musician and continue to focus on being the best, well rounded musician I can be, but by choice I will not be a "gigging" musician. I'm my case, the mistress and I have reached a different relationship. We still share a love, but we no longer whore around in bars at night.

I truly envy someone like Lt. Bob who not only has been able to earn a decent living for many years as a working musician - but who still enjoys the process and continues to strive to improve, even after all those years.

For you younger musicians - it's easy to carry on the love affair when you are young and have the energy (and the fire burning inside) - I wonder how many will still be active 40 years down the road?
 
Xdrummer said:
As I read the various responses I find it interesting how different the approach is from many people.

I'm one of the "old guys" (60 plus). 7 years full time in my teens and early 20's and then almost 40 years "part time (which was anywhere from 1-6 gigs a week while holding down a day gig). I needed to earn a better living then music wouuld allow to support my family - but there was no way I could not gig. When I hit the age of 57 (there abouts) I came to the conclusion that I had lost the fire for live performanace. I still enjoyed the time on stage, interacting with other musicians (if they were talented), and trying to play at a high skill level (and I worked with various bands so I avoided the rut of playing the same songs week after week) - but hauling gear, late hours and dealing with drunken audiance members, asshole club owners (and occasionally drunken, asshole club owners) all became too much. While being a "sideman" I avoided much of the drama that happens in bands, however I was never fully excluded (lead vocalists and lead guitar players all seem to have sooooo much baggage - which often manifests itself at gigs) - which simply added to the many reasons playing gigs became too much of a hassel to deal with.

I knew my time as a gigging musician was gradually coming to an end (I still do 6-12 gigs a year - mainly for the money - but I'm very selective) - so I invested all my gig money into gear and started to really focus on writing and recording (and learning how to play many instruments I had never found time to try). I know I will always be a musician and continue to focus on being the best, well rounded musician I can be, but by choice I will not be a "gigging" musician. I'm my case, the mistress and I have reached a different relationship. We still share a love, but we no longer whore around in bars at night.

I truly envy someone like Lt. Bob who not only has been able to earn a decent living for many years as a working musician - but who still enjoys the process and continues to strive to improve, even after all those years.

For you younger musicians - it's easy to carry on the love affair when you are young and have the energy (and the fire burning inside) - I wonder how many will still be active 40 years down the road?
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If I'm still alive in 40 years I'll spend all my spare time playing video games when I'm not riding motorcycles to secluded locations on lakes and rivers. :guitar:
 
Wow. I don't know if the OP realized what a chord he struck in all of us. The idea that we should always seek to do what we love is the best. I have a few friends whose wives eventually told them to get back into music just to get them out of the house. LOL But what a great woman to have. One thing that keeps older players going is if they keep working to improve. You actually stoke the fire as you get better. It helps you to keep going. Like I said. sometimes we just need a break. I just know he'll pick up the sword again.
Rod Norman
Engineer

Xdrummer said:
As I read the various responses I find it interesting how different the approach is from many people.

I'm one of the "old guys" (60 plus). 7 years full time in my teens and early 20's and then almost 40 years "part time (which was anywhere from 1-6 gigs a week while holding down a day gig). I needed to earn a better living then music wouuld allow to support my family - but there was no way I could not gig. When I hit the age of 57 (there abouts) I came to the conclusion that I had lost the fire for live performanace. I still enjoyed the time on stage, interacting with other musicians (if they were talented), and trying to play at a high skill level (and I worked with various bands so I avoided the rut of playing the same songs week after week) - but hauling gear, late hours and dealing with drunken audiance members, asshole club owners (and occasionally drunken, asshole club owners) all became too much. While being a "sideman" I avoided much of the drama that happens in bands, however I was never fully excluded (lead vocalists and lead guitar players all seem to have sooooo much baggage - which often manifests itself at gigs) - which simply added to the many reasons playing gigs became too much of a hassel to deal with.

I knew my time as a gigging musician was gradually coming to an end (I still do 6-12 gigs a year - mainly for the money - but I'm very selective) - so I invested all my gig money into gear and started to really focus on writing and recording (and learning how to play many instruments I had never found time to try). I know I will always be a musician and continue to focus on being the best, well rounded musician I can be, but by choice I will not be a "gigging" musician. I'm my case, the mistress and I have reached a different relationship. We still share a love, but we no longer whore around in bars at night.

I truly envy someone like Lt. Bob who not only has been able to earn a decent living for many years as a working musician - but who still enjoys the process and continues to strive to improve, even after all those years.

For you younger musicians - it's easy to carry on the love affair when you are young and have the energy (and the fire burning inside) - I wonder how many will still be active 40 years down the road?
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Xdrummer said:
As I read the various responses I find it interesting how different the approach is from many people.

I'm one of the "old guys" (60 plus). 7 years full time in my teens and early 20's and then almost 40 years "part time (which was anywhere from 1-6 gigs a week while holding down a day gig). I needed to earn a better living then music wouuld allow to support my family - but there was no way I could not gig. When I hit the age of 57 (there abouts) I came to the conclusion that I had lost the fire for live performanace. I still enjoyed the time on stage, interacting with other musicians (if they were talented), and trying to play at a high skill level (and I worked with various bands so I avoided the rut of playing the same songs week after week) - but hauling gear, late hours and dealing with drunken audiance members, asshole club owners (and occasionally drunken, asshole club owners) all became too much. While being a "sideman" I avoided much of the drama that happens in bands, however I was never fully excluded (lead vocalists and lead guitar players all seem to have sooooo much baggage - which often manifests itself at gigs) - which simply added to the many reasons playing gigs became too much of a hassel to deal with.

I knew my time as a gigging musician was gradually coming to an end (I still do 6-12 gigs a year - mainly for the money - but I'm very selective) - so I invested all my gig money into gear and started to really focus on writing and recording (and learning how to play many instruments I had never found time to try). I know I will always be a musician and continue to focus on being the best, well rounded musician I can be, but by choice I will not be a "gigging" musician. I'm my case, the mistress and I have reached a different relationship. We still share a love, but we no longer whore around in bars at night.

I truly envy someone like Lt. Bob who not only has been able to earn a decent living for many years as a working musician - but who still enjoys the process and continues to strive to improve, even after all those years.

For you younger musicians - it's easy to carry on the love affair when you are young and have the energy (and the fire burning inside) - I wonder how many will still be active 40 years down the road?
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great post ........ glad you still play out occasionally.
 
I started in music at age 4. Piano lessons. Mostly boredom, but there was a learning curve for a young mind to chase, and by 9 I was playing some pretty decent audience "recitals" in northern Cal. At 12, we moved to northern Idaho, and switched music teachers (of course). No more recitals, just practice and perform for an audience of one (the teacher). I stuck with the lessons till 16 when I graduated the "Sherwood School of Music", but I was bored stiff. At 13 I started playing around in a little band as keyboardist. At 14, as a freshman, I got into a band of guys who were juniors and seniors that played several "sock hops" and proms and got the bug back. When the two seniors graduated and left for college, I got together some other local talent (including my brother on guitar) and we started playing local dance halls on weekends and doing the school sockhop/prom stuff. Did mostly pop junk and some popular rock. Then we got a new music teacher at the school when I was a junior and I started playing country music with him in the bars. By the time I graduated from high school, I'd performed well over 750 gigs (including about 2 dozen childhood recitals).
Then I decided to get real about life, went into the military and quickly learned that I was not meant to sit behind a desk and write computer code. Formed two different bands in the military with some very talented performers, doing some very fun, technical and prog rock and worked with some other Air Force musicians in a band doing wide spectrum in clubs and bars in a 5 state area (for the money).
After military, I got a day gig with a big wholesaler and kept working with the tech/prog band which eventually started getting some exposure in the Denver circuit. Time and chance played their cards and I found myself in a "master of 64ths notes" band doing the harder, faster stuff, got offered a couple of recording contracts (that the band decided to turn down--ended up ending the band :(), but the other band just kept going and playing and we eventually started earning about $1000 a week (after signing with a prestigious management firm there in Denver). Lots of studio time, lots of gigging, a few opening acts, lots of heartache and pressure, but a lot of fun, too! When I was 37, my wife decided she wanted out of Denver. Fought it as long as I could, but wife vs mistress was a no-brainer for me. Moved back to Idaho, played for fun with lots of people, I'd thought were great musicians when I'd left. They were good, but the caliber of talent available in Denver, just wasn't there. Eventually I decided that I was getting a little old for bouncing in and out of bands and started my career as a songwriter. That's been almost 20 years now, and I have no regrets.
Now working retail to pay the bills, playing solo to my own home-recorded backing tracks and playing drums/keys/bass or guitar at church. Music and performance are still my first love, but I have to fight to get time for them now.
 
Gigs are by far my LEAST favorite part of playing music. I almost hate gigs. Almost. Sometimes they're fun. But usually they're more trouble than they're worth and I can think of many better things to do with that time. I love playing, I love writing, I love recording, but I don't get any satisfaction from doing it for people, or in front of people. I'd honestly rather just play with the band for fun and never leave the garage.
 
Greg_L said:
Gigs are by far my LEAST favorite part of playing music. I almost hate gigs. Almost. Sometimes they're fun. But usually they're more trouble than they're worth and I can think of many better things to do with that time. I love playing, I love writing, I love recording, but I don't get any satisfaction from doing it for people, or in front of people. I'd honestly rather just play with the band for fun and never leave the garage.
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I hear that. I thought it was going to be fun playing shows as a young man, but it ended up being only somewhat fun. Working with other musicians always seemed like a ticking time bomb. Who's going to pull some bullshit next or get too drunk to play. I also hate most people anyway. I'd rather stay home and drink :D
 
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