I liked the groove as soon as I heard the opening few seconds. Nice!
The vocal:
Imagine where the singer is when you listen...he sits behind the band...bring it up!
The melody is real predictable....kind of flat an uninteresting. With the simple, nice groove going on, y' might want a little more interest in the melody...it's the feature! Try taking the vox out of the mix...listen to the groove, and imagine an instrument like violin playing an interesting melody...don't worry about words. Let your imagination 'sing' something on top. Grab it, remember it..."La la" into the mic on a throwaway track.
When you get something sweet, re-write the lyric, listening to "la la" ...saying the same thing in different...preferably more...words. Craft the lyric to fit the interesting melody you imagined. What the current vocal lacks is mixed phrasing and the rate of flow. It sounds uninspired and contrived outside the composing box inside imagination. You need to beat a path to that natural repository, and keep going there to grab ideas superior to those you 'try' at. Good melody is inherent in your mind. It composes itself effortlessly, once you find where it sits.
While in mix, plug in your mastering software, and play with 'excitation' , compression, and other tools to make it sound impactful. Learn to use volume envelopes on the track to lift lost sillabants or phrases.
A good way to assess the proper level of vox in the mix is to turn the volume down..almost all the way. The last thing you hear as you approach zero is the vocal...with every word understandable.
One other thing...when you sing, it sounds like you're rying to get that lately-popular 'strain and grit'. Sing in your natural voice, I think.
The groove:
Later in the record, the hard-panned verb-saturated synth stuff overtakes the center instruments. The center is kind of empty.[a stronger vocal might fix that?]
What I've noticed is that hard panned L&R sound appears louder than in a mono mix-check. Mix mono, check stereo. Reduce the levels of outside things to keep the center prominant...split the line between levels that sound good in mono v. stereo.
That's my opinion...hope it helps. A real nice groove that works. The vocal I have issues with...melody, phrasing, level, and execution.
But for a second record...I give it '10'.
