Let me hear it!

I also do year round Lamaze training. Lamaze definition: Relating to or being a method of childbirth that involves psychological and physical preparation by the mother in order to suppress pain and facilitate delivery without drugs.

Now you might think it's weird for a guy to spend 5 to 10 hours a day practicing Lamaze, but the breathing and "pushing" exercises really help for pushing farts explosively out of your rectum. I also combined Lamaze with Kegel exercises. I push and squeeze at the same time. It really strengthens the love muscle which my wife loves, but she still refuses to help me with my weeny pushups.
 
Heinz obviously, however they don't sell them on this side of The Pond.

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Telegram Sam said:
Heinz obviously, however they don't sell them on this side of The Pond.

8495765981_31b271b664.jpg
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They look good but do they sound OK?

Is there any advantage in getting the ones with the little sausages? What do they add? It's an extra 30 pence but I'm prepared to save up if it's gonna help in the long run.
 
Well that's fine and dandy if you eat any of those brands. I also find that wolf brand chilli and cold beers gives me gas all day. Really depends on the tone you're going for because beer farts are nice, wet and juicy. Where as beans alone tend to be dry, yet louder, unless of course you SHART. A shart is when you shit yourself a little when you fart. It can lead to major race tracks in the undies. So, don't wear your tighty whites.

You could always go old school, buy a bag of dry beans and cook them yourself. If you had a heavy meat to it and some collard greens that's bound to get you tooting. My personal favorite is to eat a whole jar of peanuts and drink a gallon of milk. Now I don't make much sound with that combination, but boy does it stink. If you use public transportation you'll clear out the whole back of the buss with that concoction.
 
I'm not sure I like the idea of making my own beans at this stage. I don't think I have the experience. I like the idea of beer as an aid to the beans natural tone but I'm worried about the skid marks..

So confusing.
 
Another thing. Should I just get a single tin or is it OK to get a six box? I obviously want to be future proofed on this purchase. I notice I can buy a big Jumbo tin at quite a good saving but is that too much for my needs?

One last thing. How many farts can I expect to get from one tin without shitting my pants?
 
Well I don't know jack shit about anything and normally wouldn't be of much help, but I am a professional passer of gas and world farting champion. Just try everything until you find a solution that works for you. Happy farting and don't push too hard until you develop a good callus on your auns because if you get hemorrhoids it'll ruin your career and hurt painfully when you let them rip.
 
FoulPhil said:
You could always go old school, buy a bag of dry beans and cook them yourself.
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Being old school myself I consider this brilliant advice.
Cook them in the water that you soak them in, and do not drain.
This will help to retain as much of the indigestible sugars as possible. :thumbs up:

Happy farting! :)
 
Telegram Sam said:
Being old school myself I consider this brilliant advice.
Cook them in the water that you soak them in, and do not drain.
This will help to retain as much of the indigestible sugars as possible. :thumbs up:

Happy farting! :)
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Thanks for all the help guys but things have gone horribly wrong now and I'm on my third pair of pants so far on this track. I think I'll just buy in some farts from an expert as I only seem to be able to conjure up short and silent gas with the odd pellet. Must be something to do with my embrasure..:mad:
 
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