latest composition -- opinions appreciated

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icystorm

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Here is the backing track for my latest composition, "I've Never Learned"...

Thanks for any feedback. :)

http://www.box.net/shared/con6e1uey9

lyrics

"I've Never Learned"

Words and music by: Joseph Spain
Music created using Jamstudio.com, Acoustica 3, and Audacity 1.3
Demo: http://www.box.net/shared/con6e1uey9

verse 1

Time waits for no one
A love becomes each moment taken
Truth speaks without words
What's never said we can't escape
When tears fall from my eyes
They're only for the love you gave me

chorus

Time lost together
There's so much you touched inside me
Hearts fall when love learns
The answers we fear to find
With questions unanswered
There's so much you left inside me
I've never learned how to live on without you

verse 2

Love lives in all hearts
We reach to hold the ones we need
But prayers save too few souls
We long for whom we'll never hold
Without shame I'll love you
I'll wait alone until you want me

chorus

Time lost together
There's so much you touched inside me
Hearts fall when love learns
The answers we fear to find
With questions unanswered
There's so much you left inside me
I've never learned how to live on without you

bridge

Love leads across all time into tomorrow
Love waits beyond all time inside my heart

chorus

Time lost together
There's so much you touched inside me
Hearts fall when love learns
The answers we fear to find
With questions unanswered
There's so much you left inside me
I've never learned how to live on without you

chorus

Time lost together
There's so much you touched inside me
Hearts fall when love learns
The answers we fear to find
With questions unanswered
There's so much you left inside me
I've never learned how to live on without you

release
 
Try to get a real drum kit, maybe rewrite the part a bit. The keyboard pad is a bit loud, I'd like to hear a really rich acoustic guitar driving the song a bit more. The melodic keyboard line sounds really good. I'm sure my opinion will change when the vocals are added, but as it is right now, it's a very pretty song.
 
thoughts

The first question I would ask is, are you going for an effect with the strings cutting out very abruptly here and there. If so....cool...thats your thing....but if you are going for realism....you could fade those real easy in your DAW and get a more natural sound.

I like simple accompaniment....and this certainly is. YET, with simple backing the vocals better really be kickass. Either memorable words or hook or melody or something. If you succeed...you're in a good place.

Lastly, the song player just looped around (i guess its on auto repeat) and I barely had an idea it had ended and started again. Maybe think about a solid ending somehow.....

Just my thoughts....what the hell do i know.


KEvin
 
IronFlippy said:
Try to get a real drum kit, maybe rewrite the part a bit. The keyboard pad is a bit loud, I'd like to hear a really rich acoustic guitar driving the song a bit more. The melodic keyboard line sounds really good. I'm sure my opinion will change when the vocals are added, but as it is right now, it's a very pretty song.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the response and advice, IronFlippy. I agree with you about using a better drum kit and the keys being a little loud.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

Best regards,
Joseph (icystorm)
 
ODEKK said:
The first question I would ask is, are you going for an effect with the strings cutting out very abruptly here and there. If so....cool...thats your thing....but if you are going for realism....you could fade those real easy in your DAW and get a more natural sound.

I like simple accompaniment....and this certainly is. YET, with simple backing the vocals better really be kickass. Either memorable words or hook or melody or something. If you succeed...you're in a good place.

Lastly, the song player just looped around (i guess its on auto repeat) and I barely had an idea it had ended and started again. Maybe think about a solid ending somehow.....
Click to expand...

Thank you, Kevin, for your comments. Yes, cutting the strings (or synths, in this case) abruptly is a style I especially favor. I perceive it as making a warmer song like this one more popish and less new ageish. It's a preference.

I have a vocal demo, but it does not merit posting here. I would love for a great female vocalist to sing the song, but the key may need to be higher.

Regarding the auto-loop: I don't think box.net offers an option of playing a song once-through. AFAIK, it has auto-loop only -- and you're right; it's annoying. I have about a 14 second volume-fade at the end.

Thanks again for taking the time to listen and respond.

Best regards,
Joseph (icystorm)
 
i think you have a nice foundation for a good tune there :)
 
Nicole_Rose said:
i think you have a nice foundation for a good tune there :)
Click to expand...

Thank you, Nicole. Now, if I can only find a good female vocalist who will sing it for me. :)

The funny thing is this... I have a female friend at my office who is a great singer, but I don't think my wife would quite understand if I invite her over to work on the song with me. Heh. :cool:

Thank you for taking the time to listen and respond.

Best regards,
Joseph (icystorm)
 
icystorm said:
T Yes, cutting the strings (or synths, in this case) abruptly is a style I especially favor. I perceive it as making a warmer song like this one more popish and less new ageish. It's a preference.
Click to expand...

I don't think it works. YMMV.
 
Supercreep said:
I don't think it works. YMMV.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately I agree with SC here. It does seem abrupt and a bit distracting. From about 2:41 on it seems to flow better without the dramatic cuts... Overall I like the sound and arrangement. You are the producer and have the final creative say in this though....

Good luck with your search for a singer.....
 
ido1957 said:
Unfortunately I agree with SC here. It does seem abrupt and a bit distracting. From about 2:41 on it seems to flow better without the dramatic cuts... Overall I like the sound and arrangement. You are the producer and have the final creative say in this though....

Good luck with your search for a singer.....
Click to expand...

Thank you for listening and your feedback. I used less instruments in the verses (mainly acoustic guitars with sectional synths and electric guitars) so that the solo lead vocals will be more prominient.

Perhaps when the vocals are added, the abruptness of the instrumentation changes will be less pronounced and won't serve as a distraction. If not, I can always layer in a soft section of keys thoughout both verses.

Thank you again for your comments.

Joseph (icystorm)
 
DavidK said:
It might work if it was more dramatic. Starting softer, having a huge crescendo and then an abrupt ending. Also, try a tremelo patch.:)
Click to expand...

Thank you for listening and proving feedback, David. It's interesting to note the range of opinions I've received -- from it's "too dramatic" to needs to be "more dramatic." Isn't art a beautiful thing? :)

Joseph (icystorm)
 
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