Hello!
I've recorded a rough demo of one of the first complete songs I've ever written (without hating). I have to apologize for the rough quality of the recording itself (I'm still learning how to record/mix/master properly), and also for a few vocal hiccups (mostly in the bridge of the song). I'd appreciate any constructive criticism anyone could offer in any area; lyrics, melody, structure, etc. Anything you have to say, I want to hear!
For anyone who takes the time to listen to the recording, thank you and I appreciate it.
JLJ | Free Listening on SoundCloud
Visitors:
Verse 1:
Tracing shapes in the window
Of the Greyhound bus to Toronto
The buildings, they stand so tall
Across the skyline
Walk out of the station to the mall,
To find you
We hold each other tightly in the hall,
And pass through
The warmth of your smile (I feel the world shift to me)
It's so familiar
Forgetting the future
To live as a visitor
Verse 2:
Parade down the streets all day
We don't run out of things to do, or say
With you I stand so tall,
Suspended in time
Restaurants, museums, urban sprawl,
In bright light
Grin and laugh so sweetly through it all,
Until the night
The warmth of your touch (I feel the world rest in place)
It's so familiar
To lay there (so silently)
To live as a visitor
Bridge:
You left me, or tried to
And yet I still travel here
We forget, or try to
Supress all of our fears
Of turning to leave,
To never face our end
But if it's not now,
Not tomorrow,
Can you tell me - when?
Verse 3:
We wake to the morning glow
Embrace sullenly before I go
I will not turn to look,
For I can't bear to
See you on your front step wiping tears,
From your eyes
We haven't got the hang of letting go,
Or goodbyes
The cold and the concrete (I feel the world shift away)
And it's so familiar
To feel all you've left alone
To live as a visitor
I've recorded a rough demo of one of the first complete songs I've ever written (without hating). I have to apologize for the rough quality of the recording itself (I'm still learning how to record/mix/master properly), and also for a few vocal hiccups (mostly in the bridge of the song). I'd appreciate any constructive criticism anyone could offer in any area; lyrics, melody, structure, etc. Anything you have to say, I want to hear!
For anyone who takes the time to listen to the recording, thank you and I appreciate it.
JLJ | Free Listening on SoundCloud
Visitors:
Verse 1:
Tracing shapes in the window
Of the Greyhound bus to Toronto
The buildings, they stand so tall
Across the skyline
Walk out of the station to the mall,
To find you
We hold each other tightly in the hall,
And pass through
The warmth of your smile (I feel the world shift to me)
It's so familiar
Forgetting the future
To live as a visitor
Verse 2:
Parade down the streets all day
We don't run out of things to do, or say
With you I stand so tall,
Suspended in time
Restaurants, museums, urban sprawl,
In bright light
Grin and laugh so sweetly through it all,
Until the night
The warmth of your touch (I feel the world rest in place)
It's so familiar
To lay there (so silently)
To live as a visitor
Bridge:
You left me, or tried to
And yet I still travel here
We forget, or try to
Supress all of our fears
Of turning to leave,
To never face our end
But if it's not now,
Not tomorrow,
Can you tell me - when?
Verse 3:
We wake to the morning glow
Embrace sullenly before I go
I will not turn to look,
For I can't bear to
See you on your front step wiping tears,
From your eyes
We haven't got the hang of letting go,
Or goodbyes
The cold and the concrete (I feel the world shift away)
And it's so familiar
To feel all you've left alone
To live as a visitor