I wrote this last night- take a listen please!

patlang12

patlang12

New member
Last night I wrote this song. I don't have any recording gear with me right now so I had to just use my computer's mic and a cheap drum machine. I recorded this really quickly and it has a bunch of mistakes and stuff in it, but I would like to know what you all think about it just as a song. I'm not a huge fan of my singing either (currently looking for a vocalist), but enough excuses
here is the link:

http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?fid=8427

Come to think of it I should have probably just posted this in the songwriting forum, but oh well.

Thanks for listening!
 
Definitely a Hendrix feel. Nice tones... vocals are a little low. Nothing wrong with them IMO, might as well raise them a bit. I can hear the hiss from the mic, maybe a high EQ roll off on the track can help that though. There's a good flow to the tune, kind of a jammy but the mood is nice. Bass is nice and filling too :cool: I don't know if I like the drum machine kind of percussion in the back, nothing wrong with it, but maybe see how it sounds without it too. Good start here, I'd definitely work this tune, I dig :D
 
Yah the hiss it a bit hot and the vocals are too low. The time tic-toc should come out a little so that it sounds "intentional" or cut it all together. The guitar is nice. Sound very .... organic. I like the vibe, dig the tune.
 
Thanks for listening!

SnakeDog5050 said:
Definitely a Hendrix feel. Nice tones... vocals are a little low. Nothing wrong with them IMO, might as well raise them a bit. I can hear the hiss from the mic, maybe a high EQ roll off on the track can help that though. There's a good flow to the tune, kind of a jammy but the mood is nice. Bass is nice and filling too :cool: I don't know if I like the drum machine kind of percussion in the back, nothing wrong with it, but maybe see how it sounds without it too. Good start here, I'd definitely work this tune, I dig :D
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I'm not too worried about the recording quality because I did it all with the built in computer mic. I'm not a fan of the drum machine either, but I just put that there until I can get a real drummer to do something more interesting. I might try scraping them now too though.
 
Well Jack Johnson must have been listening to a lot of First Rays of the New Rising Sun. And Jimi Hendrix was listening to a lot of Curtis Mayfield. I dunno who Curtis was listening to a lot of.
 
Monkey Allen said:
Well Jack Johnson must have been listening to a lot of First Rays of the New Rising Sun. And Jimi Hendrix was listening to a lot of Curtis Mayfield. I dunno who Curtis was listening to a lot of.
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I don't think it sounds too much like First Rays of the New Rising Sun (At least not enough to be a rip off). I think it does have a Jack Johnson feel too, but I don't think I'm ripping anything off, so I'm not too worried (Should I be?).
 
I don't think you ripped anything off. To me it just sounded like First Rays by Jimi Hendrix. Then travelling travis was saying basically that you ripped of Jack Johnson (who I wouldn't know if I tripped over) and then I said well this Jack fella must have been listening to Hendrix, who had been listening to Curtis. So my point was basically in support of the 'borrow' tradition...basically the opposite sentiment to what travis expressed.
 
Monkey Allen said:
I don't think you ripped anything off. To me it just sounded like First Rays by Jimi Hendrix. Then travelling travis was saying basically that you ripped of Jack Johnson (who I wouldn't know if I tripped over) and then I said well this Jack fella must have been listening to Hendrix, who had been listening to Curtis. So my point was basically in support of the 'borrow' tradition...basically the opposite sentiment to what travis expressed.
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i think you mistook what i said. i know that patlang listens to a lot of jack johnson and it has heavily influenced his playing. no doubt about that. he knows who he sounds like. i'm not saying that he's trying to rip jack johnson off but he does sound very much like him and there's no point in carbon copying a guy's style no matter how well you do it. patlang, i hope you haven't taken any offense to my post.
 
travelin travis said:
i think you mistook what i said. i know that patlang listens to a lot of jack johnson and it has heavily influenced his playing. no doubt about that. he knows who he sounds like. i'm not saying that he's trying to rip jack johnson off but he does sound very much like him and there's no point in carbon copying a guy's style no matter how well you do it. patlang, i hope you haven't taken any offense to my post.
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I know it sounds some like Jack Johnson, but actually I haven't been listening to him much (but I have been listening to some other artists that are somewhat similar to him). I don't take any offense to your comment. Its easy for me to get accolades on a song from people (my mom will never tell me one of my songs is bad :)) I post stuff on here to get honest opinions so thank you for that. I think if you can't take critizism then you shouldn't be posting songs on here. I have written a bunch of other songs lately that are similar, but maybe a little more original. If I get a chance I will try to record them and put them up.
 
Taking a listen to your new mix... definitely like the sound of the missing percussion. At first it sounds like there are ocean effects, where you're singing about the ocean and so on... but I suspect that's just noise throughout. I listen to Jack Johnson a lot too and hear some similarities, but didn't think that on first listen. Plus, there's nothing wrong with having influences, as long as you don't do it too much. You can keep playing around in a style until you develop your own.
Still listening... I like the track, nice sounds and laid back feel. The only thing I'd recommend to maybe improved is the guitar/vocal interaction.. Just think the vocal could fit a bit better with the guitar. Anyway, cheers! Nice track :D
 
travelin travis said:
i think you mistook what i said. i know that patlang listens to a lot of jack johnson and it has heavily influenced his playing. no doubt about that. he knows who he sounds like. i'm not saying that he's trying to rip jack johnson off but he does sound very much like him and there's no point in carbon copying a guy's style no matter how well you do it. patlang, i hope you haven't taken any offense to my post.
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Yeah, no worries. I just think it sounds like a Hendrix song. My point was just about the chain of influence. But your original comment did actually sound a bit dirisive.
 
SnakeDog5050 said:
Taking a listen to your new mix... definitely like the sound of the missing percussion. At first it sounds like there are ocean effects, where you're singing about the ocean and so on... but I suspect that's just noise throughout. I listen to Jack Johnson a lot too and hear some similarities, but didn't think that on first listen. Plus, there's nothing wrong with having influences, as long as you don't do it too much. You can keep playing around in a style until you develop your own.
Still listening... I like the track, nice sounds and laid back feel. The only thing I'd recommend to maybe improved is the guitar/vocal interaction.. Just think the vocal could fit a bit better with the guitar. Anyway, cheers! Nice track :D
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Yeah I think it is pretty much impossible not to have some kind of influences from other artists. I have been working with it and other songs trying to develop my own style. I actually tried having my roommate play sax on this song today and I think I might do that because it gives it a cool sound. As far as that guitar vocal interaction I'm wondering if when I re-record it I should play and sing at the same time so that there is better interaction. Do you think that might take care of some of the issues or what exactly did you mean?
 
patlang12 said:
Last night I wrote this song. I don't have any recording gear with me right now so I had to just use my computer's mic and a cheap drum machine.
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I have about 2,963 tunes I could present this way. Maybe 2824 ... I dunno, I've written quite a few tunes -- hard to count.

I encourage the creativity ... and also administrative discretion.

This is hard ... I've been here in my past ... but I'm going to soapbox for a brief moment ... please pardon me accordingly.

If I posted every creative moment that occurred to me, well, I'd swamp a critical listening board in a heartbeat. Every "what do ya think of this idea?" would bury other well intentioned posts into a haystack of quick sketches searching through for the needle of ... call it, "serious" application of the recording craft.

Your intuition was right. This was better suited for the "songwriting" threads ... as it's an undeveloped idea, not a developed production meriting mix comments.

I've not interest nor intention of spanking any idea in any way, shape or form ... for I've no investment nor motivation in doing so. But ... as an outside observational comment on keeping clean, well directed threads in proper place on a board ...

I'd have moved this out of this particular subject area quickly - and into a more appropriate forum, like the songwriting section -- where ideas are discussed, not critical sonic listening.

The tune itself ... btw ... has a really good germ of an idea to begin with. Yet, it's SOOOO far to go, it's not really "in production" with any sort of clear definition ... so it really doesn't belong in this particular section for analysis. Not your fault ... btw ...

Hence, my point.

I couldn't offer a single sonic suggestion on this ... because ...

patlang12 said:
Last night I wrote this song. I don't have any recording gear with me right now so I had to just use my computer's mic and a cheap drum machine.
Click to expand...

There will be folks that in essence ask, "You new around here?". They'll also know exactly what I mean ...

:D

Best (really),

Kev-
 
Last edited:
K-dub-
You are probably right that I shouldn't have posted it. I too have written tons of songs and I wouldn't dare post them all. I guess the reason I posted it was because I started writing in this genre fairly recently and this was one of the first ideas I was pretty happy with and I wanted to see what people thought of it. Like you and I both said I probably should have just posted this in the songwriting forum, and thats probably what I'll to next time.

But actually I think I'm going to be getting a lot of new recording equiptment soon so maybe I'll have some stuff that really deserve to posted in this forum :D
 
Hey bud -- that cool. I look forward to hearing what you'll come up with once you get the proper tools in place.

Yeah, ideas/snippets belong more appropriately in songwriting forums, whereas productions ... no matter how sparse, get the MP3 clinical polish.

As I said, though, admins could have quickly moved it to the right area.

Best,

Kev-
 
K-dub said:
Hey bud -- that cool. I look forward to hearing what you'll come up with once you get the proper tools in place.

Yeah, ideas/snippets belong more appropriately in songwriting forums, whereas productions ... no matter how sparse, get the MP3 clinical polish.

As I said, though, admins could have quickly moved it to the right area.

Best,

Kev-
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allright, well thanks for the listen!
 
what up dude?!

well i'm a huge JJ fan, and i do think this sounds a lot like him, but that's all good because there's a lot of people who try like hell to sound like him (and i'm not saying you're one of them) and fail. this does sounds like something he'd write.

as you know, this recording quality is craptacular, but the song is cool and i think your voice sounds fine for it. that drum loop doesn't sound right for this song at all. it's good to keep your tempo, but it doesn't quite sound right with this feel of this. if you have other beats, or can program your own, i'd suggest making one yourself.

this song does sound a little long, and maybe it's the monotony of the the verses and choruses...they sound good together, but a little goes a long way.

anyway, i think this does sound cool. get yourself some cheap recording stuff and do this puppy some justice. i'd like to hear some of your other stuff if you have other tunes.

cheers!
tait
bag of toys
 
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