How's this?

[mjr]

It's a start...

"The Next Great Love Song"
Lyrics and Music by Monte Richardson
Copyright © 2006, Monte Richardson

V1:
If I could put it into words, yeah if I could write it down
If I could turn it into a song, it would be the most popular around
If I could just find a way to express this love I have
I'd have the next great love song.

Chorus:
The Next Great Love Song, I can't write it down
The Next Great Love Song, the greatest feeling around
The Next Great Love Song, it's unbelievable
The Next Great Love Song, to show how much I love you

V2:
I can't tell you the depths of it, no I can't
I can't think of the ways, the ways of it
I can't figure out how to express it, but if I could
I'd have the next great love song

(to chorus)

V3:
Webster doesn't have the words, neither does Roget
I know the words "I love you" can be said so many ways
If I could turn these feelings into words, I know
I'd have the next great love song.

(to chorus)

Tag: The Next Great Love Song

 

[easlern]

I like it! Simple, humorous, and easy to relate to.

 

[mjr]

I like it! Simple, humorous, and easy to relate to.

What's humorous about it? I get a "fun" feel from it, but not a humorous feel.

I also get the simplicity and the "easy to relate to" part, but not the humor. Hmmm.

 

[ido1957]

The only part I would look at would be the rhyme for the first two lines of verse 2. The other verses rhyme there but that one doesn't.

Edit - is the word "it" the rhyme in verse two? With the "no I can't" sung quickly? Just re-reading I notoiced that.....

I think you just wrote the next great long song! Very cool idea for a song. I'm getting a great vibe for melody and meter just off the lyrics themselves.

Nice one!

 

[mjr]

The only part I would look at would be the rhyme for the first two lines of verse 2. The other verses rhyme there but that one doesn't.

Edit - is the word "it" the rhyme in verse two? With the "no I can't" sung quickly? Just re-reading I notoiced that.....

I think you just wrote the next great long song! Very cool idea for a song. I'm getting a great vibe for melody and meter just off the lyrics themselves.

Nice one!

Cool! Thanks ido1957! I'll go back and look at that 2nd verse. I'll either have to change the ending of the first line, or find a word that rhymes with "can't"...

I penned this song at work yesterday, believe it or not!

Any other critiques??

 

[David M]

Not bad

Reminds me a little of "the words get in the way."

 

[mjr]

The only part I would look at would be the rhyme for the first two lines of verse 2. The other verses rhyme there but that one doesn't.

Edit - is the word "it" the rhyme in verse two? With the "no I can't" sung quickly? Just re-reading I notoiced that.....

I think you just wrote the next great long song! Very cool idea for a song. I'm getting a great vibe for melody and meter just off the lyrics themselves.

Nice one!

I got a reply from a different message board that basically said the chorus needs more "punch", and that the chorus doesn't rhyme well.

Here's the quote:

The chorus needs some more punch- better rhyming would help a lot. "Greatest feeling around" doesn't say much. All it is doing is completing a rhyme.

What do you think?

Is it also a good thing or a bad thing if a lyric in your song makes you thing of another song by a different artist??

 

[ido1957]

I got a reply from a different message board that basically said the chorus needs more "punch", and that the chorus doesn't rhyme well.

Here's the quote:

The chorus needs some more punch- better rhyming would help a lot. "Greatest feeling around" doesn't say much. All it is doing is completing a rhyme.

What do you think?

Is it also a good thing or a bad thing if a lyric in your song makes you thing of another song by a different artist??

Not sure what "punch" would mean....
"Greatest feeling around" re-emphazises the lines in the first verse, I like that part of it.

You could try some other rhyme and resubmit it for a second opinion, but keep this one available for the final edit.

A great number of the tunes submitted here are said to sound like someone else's stuff. I try and take that as a compliment because that shows it's a popular sound. If it's lyrics only that's a bit tougher - is it plagerism that's implied? If it just reminds them because it's similar I would take it that you write "in the style of" so-and-so. We are a product of our environment so it's going to take serious effort to be 100% original and then would it be popular anymore? Hmmm.....

 

[mjr]

Not sure what "punch" would mean....
"Greatest feeling around" re-emphazises the lines in the first verse, I like that part of it.

You could try some other rhyme and resubmit it for a second opinion, but keep this one available for the final edit.

A great number of the tunes submitted here are said to sound like someone else's stuff. I try and take that as a compliment because that shows it's a popular sound. If it's lyrics only that's a bit tougher - is it plagerism that's implied? If it just reminds them because it's similar I would take it that you write "in the style of" so-and-so. We are a product of our environment so it's going to take serious effort to be 100% original and then would it be popular anymore? Hmmm.....

I'm not sure what they meant by "punch", either.

The person who made the comments said the one line made them think of the song "When You Say Nothing At All", which has been done by Keith Whitley and Allison Krauss. I don't think plagiarism is implied...just that it makes that person think of that song.

Of course, I'll still need to put some music to it. I'm thinking this song is probably going to be simple musically. Nothing real fancy. Maybe guitar, bass, and drums. Maybe only acoustic, I haven't decided yet.

 

[random.hero]

meh.......

 

[mikeh]

Good concept - there have been a few very popular songs about "love songs" - but almost everything has already been addressed by song - so it's really a matter of saying it a little different. You're approach to the subject is good.

The rhyme in verse 1 & 2 is a little weak - however, I suspect you will improve it with some re-writes. While I like the implied internal rhyme in verse 2 (depths & express) - I suspect a singer could have trouble with the phrase "depths of it" (it is not really easy to articulate) and we, as writers, should always be aware of plosives and other things that can be hard to phrase which can recorded vocal a problem). Lines 1 & 2 of the 3rd verse a really good and I think sets the standard that you need to reach for in the rest of the song.

I agree response lines in the the chorus seems a little awkward and the line "the greatest feeling around" just seems too forced - however you are hitting the tag really well (several times in the chorus and at the end of each verse) - which clearly establishes what the song is - good job with that

As a rule I don't offer too much input on other people's writing (it's your child - what right do I have telling you how to raise it) - however I like the concept and I really like those 1st two lines of verse three - I beleive with a few re-writes (trying to match the quality of those 2 lines) and you may have a good song.

 

[mjr]

Good concept - there have been a few very popular songs about "love songs" - but almost everything has already been addressed by song - so it's really a matter of saying it a little different. You're approach to the subject is good.

The rhyme in verse 1 & 2 is a little weak - however, I suspect you will improve it with some re-writes. While I like the implied internal rhyme in verse 2 (depths & express) - I suspect a singer could have trouble with the phrase "depths of it" (it is not really easy to articulate) and we, as writers, should always be aware of plosives and other things that can be hard to phrase which can recorded vocal a problem). Lines 1 & 2 of the 3rd verse a really good and I think sets the standard that you need to reach for in the rest of the song.

I agree response lines in the the chorus seems a little awkward and the line "the greatest feeling around" just seems too forced - however you are hitting the tag really well (several times in the chorus and at the end of each verse) - which clearly establishes what the song is - good job with that

As a rule I don't offer too much input on other people's writing (it's your child - what right do I have telling you how to raise it) - however I like the concept and I really like those 1st two lines of verse three - I beleive with a few re-writes (trying to match the quality of those 2 lines) and you may have a good song.

Revisions in bold...

"The Next Great Love Song"
Lyrics and Music by Monte Richardson
Copyright © 2006, Monte Richardson

V1:
If I could put my love into words, yeah if I could write it down
If I could turn it into a song, it would be the most popular around
If I could just find a way to express this love I have
I'd have the next great love song.

Chorus:
The Next Great Love Song, I can't write it down
The Next Great Love Song, the right words can't be found
The Next Great Love Song, it's unbelievable
The Next Great Love Song, to show how much I love you

V2:
I can't tell you how deep it is, no I can't
I can't think of the ways, the ways of it
I can't figure out how to express it, but if I could
I'd have the next great love song

(to chorus)

V3:
Webster doesn't have the words, neither does Roget
I know the words "I love you" can be said so many ways
If I could turn these feelings into words, I know
I'd have the next great love song.

(to chorus)

Tag: The Next Great Love Song

Any better?

 

[ido1957]

Yes - those revisions are very good - same meaning but sound better as I read them......

 

[mjr]

Yes - those revisions are very good - same meaning but sound better as I read them......

I'm thinking of changing the line:

I'd have the next great love song.

to

It'd be the next great love song.

 

[ido1957]

I'm thinking of changing the line:

I'd have the next great love song.

to

It'd be the next great love song.

Yes - I prefer the sound of that revised line.....good choice.

 

[mjr]

Yes - I prefer the sound of that revised line.....good choice.

So then here's the latest revised edition...

The Next Great Love Song"
Lyrics and Music by Monte Richardson
Copyright © 2006, Monte Richardson

V1:
If I could put my love into words, yeah if I could write it down
If I could turn it into a song, it would be the most popular around
If I could just find a way to express this love I have
It'd be the next great love song.

Chorus:
The Next Great Love Song, I can't write it down
The Next Great Love Song, the right words can't be found
The Next Great Love Song, it's unbelievable
The Next Great Love Song, to show how much I love you

V2:
I can't tell you how deep it is, no I can't
I can't think of the ways, the ways of it
I can't figure out how to express it, but if I could
It'd be the next great love song.

(to chorus)

V3:
Webster doesn't have the words, neither does Roget
I know the words "I love you" can be said so many ways
If I could turn these feelings into words, I know
It'd be the next great love song.

(to chorus)

Tag: The Next Great Love Song

Although I'm thinking of changing the 3rd line in the chorus from

"it's unbelievable" to something like "a feeling that's so true"

so the chorus would read

The Next Great Love Song, I can't write it down
The Next Great Love Song, the right words can't be found
The Next Great Love Song, a feeling that's so true
The Next Great Love Song, to show how much I love you

How about that change?

 

[ido1957]

Although I'm thinking of changing the 3rd line in the chorus from

"it's unbelievable" to something like "a feeling that's so true"

so the chorus would read

The Next Great Love Song, I can't write it down
The Next Great Love Song, the right words can't be found
The Next Great Love Song, a feeling that's so true
The Next Great Love Song, to show how much I love you

How about that change?

Yes - that's a good change too. It's an easier phrase to sing/read, more familiar in love song sense, and it rhymes with line 4....so overall it's a good choice.

 

[mjr]

Yes - that's a good change too. It's an easier phrase to sing/read, more familiar in love song sense, and it rhymes with line 4....so overall it's a good choice.

It's coming along. I see this version as much better than the original...agree?

 

[ido1957]

It's coming along. I see this version as much better than the original...agree?

Yes - it's getting smoother - flows nicer - better each time ......

 

[mjr]

Yes - it's getting smoother - flows nicer - better each time ......

Well, I guess the next step is to put some music to it...I've got ideas running through my head, but I think I want to keep this one musically simple, kind of let the lyrics speak for themselves. Maybe something like acoustic guitar, bass, and drums. I don't think I'll need any keyboard or organ or electric guitar or anything, but you never know...

That's the kind of "feel" I've got for it...