How are you doing?

[Ashway]

That's the temporary title of this "song" I've just uploaded.

Any thoughts?

I mean like, aaany will do fine. =) I consider myself a semi-newbie allthough things are starting to sound ok I guess?

Oh, Yeah.. please consider sharing your feedback allthough you might not fancy the lyrics.

THANKS!!



The Lyrics:¨


1 vers:

I believe it's a sign of a wise, that he strives as long as it takes to stand up through a fight.

And maybe over the hills he may spot that love-light from the one who brings everything to life.

I reveal to you it's the one-man show that made you find yourself there over time.

Trapped in a world, trapped in the web ever since the black night came, and Your sin rised.


Refrain:

How do you do, tell me how do you do my friend.

Will you avoid to be drowned in the end, when the Waves are above Your head.

You know the hour is late, so you think you will ever arive?

It's not getting much warmer out there, so you better be swimming for life.



Second verse:

There's a gate we all may cross the day the lights that shine so bright is burned out.

But I know that I know that I know that the right door will be locked as long as you don't

have the key the key. That key is Jesus.


Peter

 

[NotThatBright]

Not my type of music, but it certainly sounds good. Nice work. Did you sing and play all the instruments?

I couldn't understand all the lyrics, but I certainly couldn't discern anything offensive. That's actually kind of disappointing! Why would you assume one might not fancy the lyrics? What was the song about?

 

[Ashway]

Not that Bright: Hi, and thanks for commenting.

I can post the lyrics, in a few seconds. I did all the recording, that is; vocal, guitar and base, so the drums etc is synth stuff/virtual instruments.

The lyric/song is implying that something is wrong With the listener, and that the listener is in danger of drowning.

I guess this song would come off as weird to me as well, if I weren't the composer. The song is really old though, I just cleaned the dust and made it shine.

 

[NotThatBright]

Well, I certainly appreciate the warning. Only one of those implications is correct, though.

I guess I can offer you a mixing tip here... if you do a hate song/confusion song/mocking song/etc, make sure the vocal is loud enough to be understood by the listener! Otherwise he is just left to admire your musicianship and he'll have no idea how clever you really are.

 

[Ashway]

You're welcome, and thanks! I guess I have a tendency of masking the vocals to hide my mistakes.

I'll turn them up!

 

[NotThatBright]

There are no mistakes... only things that we've done wrong.

Isn't the whole "drowning" thing in that song a metaphor? Or is it to be taken literally?

Regardless... those are some intense lyrics. Long live the King of Kings! JESUS!

 

[Ashway]

Metaphor for drowning in sin or something... Yeah.

A bit off topic: People like to sing about personal stuff or watch personal stuff in films or Oprah Winfrey so why not sing about personal relationships with God, or better yet talk about it. I'm just reasoning with myself here. lol

 

[gecko zzed]

It's very obvious in the lyrics and the structure of the song that English is not your first language. The song has a strong Eurovision flavour about it.

Some of the lyrics are awkward (e.g. "your sin rised"), and maybe you could find someone who could help you refine them a bit.

Instrumentally and compositionally the track is unusual and interesting, but may also be challenging for people on a western mainstream diet of music.

There was some funny stuff on the bass sound in the early part of the song, from about 23 secs to 28 seconds in.

The vocals are strong, in control and well sung. It would actually be a very difficult song to sing, so you've done well.

 

[Ashway]

It's very obvious in the lyrics and the structure of the song that English is not your first language. The song has a strong Eurovision flavour about it.

Some of the lyrics are awkward (e.g. "your sin rised"), and maybe you could find someone who could help you refine them a bit.

Instrumentally and compositionally the track is unusual and interesting, but may also be challenging for people on a western mainstream diet of music.

There was some funny stuff on the bass sound in the early part of the song, from about 23 secs to 28 seconds in.

The vocals are strong, in control and well sung. It would actually be a very difficult song to sing, so you've done well.

Hello. Thanks for your honest respons. I probably have some friends that are stronger than me in English grammar.

When you say funny stuff I presume you mean, in a positiv way? The bass was left alone because I thought it would sound a bit progressiv and interessting..

I made a final touch on the overall mix. Turned down the vocals a tad and made the mix less noisy/hard on the ears. (turned down some EQ around 2 k's on the master track)

 

[gecko zzed]

When you say funny stuff I presume you mean, in a positiv way?

There's a bit of a fuzzy sound to it, maybe recorded too loud. Maybe it is progressive and interesting, and maybe some listeners will hear it that way. But I wasn't keen on it.

 

[Ashway]

There's a bit of a fuzzy sound to it, maybe recorded too loud.

Aah.. I actually use a guitar amp fuzz thing on the bass through-out the whole song. I may turn down the fuzz or something.

At the moment I have no bass amps. I may go for amplitube some day..

 

[rayc]

I've worked with some excellent musicians who use English as a second, (and sometimes third), language. When they work in English they get a native English speaker, (and someone with decent grammar etc too boot), to edit the lyrics before committinga final vocal take. People who speak English as a 1st language are often very intolerant of the errors of an ESL speaker/singer. It's not prejudice so much as the clanger/grating that such errors cause to the flow of the melody/narrative/cool piece of music etc...

A rough example of such editing might be...

I believe it's a sign of a wiseman,
That he strives as long as it takes
To stand up through a fight. many folk would suggest that's a fool

And, maybe, on the horizon
You may see the love light making the he/you thing more consistent
From the one who brings
Everything to new life.

I reveal to you
It's a one-man show
That'll help you find yourself
Over time.

Trapped in a world,
Trapped in a web
Ever since that black night came,
And your sins arose. again, unclear when do sins rise?

How are you?
Tell me how are you my friend?
Will you avoid being drowned in the end:
When the waves rise over your head?

You know the hour is late!
Do you think you will ever get there? Where is not clear given he's drowning

It's not getting any warmer out there, sudden change - do you mean the water is cold?
You'd better swim,
swim for your life.

There's a gate
We must pass through
The day the light that shines so bright
Burns out.

But I know that,
I know that,
I know that the right door
Will stay locked
As long as you don't
Have the key,
The key.

And that key
That key,
That key
Is Jesus.

You've mixed metaphors quite a bit, hill, water, gate, door, fighting, drowning, swimming, unlocking, light shines, light out. You would have a stronger narrative if you picked a narrative theme and saw it through for at least a full verse if not the wntire song

 

[Ashway]

RayC: Hey thanks for sharing all that!! I will really consider some of the changes but atleast one of them, the correction.. Altered the meaning. The one-man show was not helping It was the opposit. Find yourself.. There... In the lowlife state.. Over time.

Sin rised.. Im thinking like a tree rising because.. In my mind when a person falls from God he may fall in one thing but afterwards that becomes a stumblingblock creating new wrongdoings. So instead of sin.. Maybe iniquety rises or grows... ?

 

[TripleM]

I thought the vocal sounded pretty good. Nice clarity and a good singing voice. The only thing I'd say is the mic technique could be a little bit better. There are words here and there that are almost completely lost. I don't thing compression is going to fix that. I don't even know if automation could fix it.

Some of the performances, especially in the intro, are a little sloppy and off tempo.

The drums are a little strange. The cymbals are panned incredibly wide. The snare and kick sound far back in the mix, but the toms are way out front.

 

[Ashway]

I thought the vocal sounded pretty good. Nice clarity and a good singing voice. The only thing I'd say is the mic technique could be a little bit better. There are words here and there that are almost completely lost. I don't thing compression is going to fix that. I don't even know if automation could fix it.

Some of the performances, especially in the intro, are a little sloppy and off tempo.

The drums are a little strange. The cymbals are panned incredibly wide. The snare and kick sound far back in the mix, but the toms are way out front.

Hi. Thank you very much. I will look into those things. Im not really satisfied with the vocals anyhow. Im using the LCR panning technique but Id have to agree that it ain't working out too great as i dont want too much stuff in center.