Homeless musician telling jokes for Rep Points.

  • Thread starter Thread starter BSharp810
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Good to see that some people appreciated the jokes a little bit. All though my random letters , which formed into words didnt please everyone... Here is attempt #2

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a Keyboard Players arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.

Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept

Q: What's the difference between a Death Metal player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What's the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: How do you stop the spread of AIDS?
A: Let BMG distribute it.
 
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, and the sopranout in the bathroom, everything has become altoo much treble; he needs a rest, and closes the bar
 
What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

What's the difference between an alto and a tenor?
Tenors don't have hair on their backs.

How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to bitch that they could have done it if they had the high notes.

There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.

How do you make a bass player turn down the volume?
Put a chart in front of him.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.

What's the first thing a musician says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"

Definitions:
* string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.
* vibrato: used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch
* music: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.
* relative major: an uncle in the Marine Corps.
* relative minor: a girlfriend.
 
Man, you guys have gotten kinda mean lately :)

I thought the jokes were funny. But I don't really give rep very often, unless someone gives some great advice or really clarifies something for me or someone else.

Jokes don't get rep, but they were funny, and the groveling was the funniest part.

Ah whatever, I'll give him the rep, they made me chuckle (a little).
 
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