The musical ideas behind this track are sound. I like the moody melancholy of it. I like the chord progression, and the basic arrangement.
However, there is a disturbing timing tension within the track, most noticeable with the kick double hits, and here and there with the guitars. Maybe the playing is drifting away slightly from the click track here and there. Possibly, though, you could find a better grid placement for the kick beats.
One of the guitar loops has a little percussive pull on it, and this appears each time (specially at the end when it is by itself), and is therefore noticeably a loop. This may not bother you too much, but it might influence other listeners who seek a more 'real' performance.
Your voice is a bit pitchy at times, but this doesn't worry me too much, because it suits the feel of the song.
I think there is considerable potential in this track, but I also think there is a little bit of work ahead to make it sparkle. Other than the things I've mentioned, there is a general 'sludginess' to the track that I can't put my finger on. Somehow I'd like to hear a clearer, cleaner sound, though I can't say what it is that's muddying it up.
I hope these observations are of use.