Here's my jugular - rip on in! Lyrical critique requested.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Qwerty
  • Start date Start date
Qwerty

Qwerty

New member
Howdy boys and girls.........

Let me know what you think with this one called "King Kong". A tale of woe inspired by my stupid, f@*king mother-in-law.

Song is posted at -

http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/lunatic_delusion
http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=1746&alid=193

Thanks,

Q.

King Kong
=======
If you were to keep a chronicle
of all the bad things that he'd done
What would be the most demeaning,
Of the violence he’s done?
Is the writing in that diary
outlined by your tears?
Does reading it take minutes?
Or would I be there for years?

Would the bitter, moving story
rival Shakespeare?
Would it sit atop the booklists
would it just be too damn queer?
Would the Brodie's Notes Companion
have any more to say?
Than your words of humiliation
On the price you'd had to pay?

CHORUS
You used to have a good life
until it all went wrong
Now it seems that Romeo
Was really just King Kong

And if you kept that chronicle
of the bad things that he's done
Why would you keep concealing
The damage that he’s done?
So the writing in your diary
Says more about your fears
About being left alone
Than being bashed for thirty years

But words don’t spell out bruises
And words don’t spell out fears
And words don’t tell the story
Of the bitter, bleeding years
And words don't spell out promises
And words can't spell out fears
And words won't tell the story
Of why you stayed for thirty years

You used to have a good life
until it all went wrong
Now it seems that Romeo
Was really just King Kong
You tried to be a good wife
You tried to do no wrong
But trying won't protect you
From that bastard called King Kong
 
I try not to over analyze anyones lyrics - we all have our own style - but I think you have achieved two key things needed:

1) You tell a story (a sad, disturbing story of domestic violence)
2) You give enough information for the listener to form certain visual images (again rather sad images of an abused, lonely woman)

Even through the lyrics are not overly creative (meaning no particularly interesting lyrical phrases) - they and the story they tell are strong and direct.

All in all I think you did a good job.
 
I agree with what mikeh said, but I also like that musically this song can go quite a few different ways... I'm sure you've probably go music to it already but just reading it I could hear quite a few different styles that it could be done it and that's kinda hard to do... It's subject matter is something pretty close to my heart too so GOOD JOB!
 
I don't really know what I had in mind... that could've been kinda R&B 'ya know really soulful or even like heavy rock... wherever you wanted to go with it... I listened to it and I like the guitar part you had for it... only thing I might change is the key, the vocals are in a really low register and that personally doesn't appeal to me. I think with a little tweaking on the production side though that could sound really good... I don't really like the mix. I think the part about the chronicles would be a lot more effective if it was in a higher key too... but that's just what I like. I posted a couple songs if you wanna check them out that'd be cool... I like where that song's headed.
 
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