Has this happened to you?

[Clive Hugh]

A friend and I, both been round for a long time have been looking to put a group together but because of the remoteness of where we live it has not been easy. Anyway we eventually found a drummer and had to do a fair bit of talking to get him to play as he had given it away except for church. Then we found a guy who could really sing, knew dozens of songs and while not the greatest guitar player was easily coachable and learned fast. Today we did a lunchtime gig and really cooked.
After it was over the bass player said to these two, "with a couple of more practises we can start gigging."
Of all things the drummer won't play as his wife doesn't like it and the guitar player/ singer is the same.
What's with these people, they meet their partners at gigs and then when they get snared they allow themselves to be hobbled like a horse.
Women and bands are not a good mix.
I had to have a rant, I'm so pissed off. Christ, I met my wife at a gig, have been married for 36 years and she chases me out to play. She says I am easier to live with when I play and she doesn't feel threatened by music.
Bloody spineless musicians are a pain.

 

[Track Rat]

Well, I met my wife at a gig. She won't let me be in a band anymore either. But I have to admit it's my fault as when we first started going out I was "caught" in the saddle about 4 different occasions with groupies. We're married now and I love my wife and wouldn't fool around on her EVER but I made my own reputation. So now it's studio only to get my musical fix.

 

[SteveK]

Met my wife at a gig also...she's been my lead singer for 20+ years now!

http://www.lady-blue.com

 

[lpdeluxe]

My wife of 18 years went to the first couple of gigs, then said, "I'm not a groupie" and I haven't seen her since...



...at the gigs, that is.

It's not whether you're married, it's who you're married to.

 

[lesterpaul]

my story is different...

my wife could care less, but some of the other wives stick their nose in too much "you ought to play this guy or do this song" "so and so said ya'll should do these songs " everybody ought to buy matching clothes".... and ya'll thought Yoko sucked....lol

 

[lpdeluxe]

and ya'll thought Yoko sucked

I was in a band years ago where the leader's wife fancied herself a starmaker. She was a problem at rehearsals and an embarrassment at gigs. She wanted to be in charge of everything that happened....

Remember the move, This Is Spinal Tap? It had just come out during this period of time, and we got hold of the video and the whole band watched it at the lead guitarist's place. In the scene when "Janine" took over the band everybody laughed uproariously...


...except the leader's wife. She didn't see anything funny. She didn't understand that Janine was doing anything wrong.

J

 

[Dracon]

...Of all things the drummer won't play as his wife doesn't like it and the guitar player/ singer is the same.
...Women and bands are not a good mix.

I don't think it's women and bands. I think there are all kinds of people, and sometimes partners can be selfish. If my wife got in a band, or hell anything else she really wants to do... I love her why would I say no?

She certainly does not say no to me. For example I love dancing, but she absolutely hates it. She's always asking other women (who like dancing) to dance with me. Problem is that I want to dance with my wife, and not some stanger. Anyway, I hope your band members realize that they have to be themselves or they will never be happy. Yes, marriage is a compromise but not a surrender.

 

[Dracon]

Met my wife at a gig also...she's been my lead singer for 20+ years now!

Hey, nice band. Your wife has a very nice voice, and you guys have a good sound. Not that you need me to tell you that, since you are already doing gigs you probably know that. Glad to see a married couple out there doing what they love together.

 

[DJL]

A friend and I, both been round for a long time have been looking to put a group together but because of the remoteness of where we live it has not been easy. Anyway we eventually found a drummer and had to do a fair bit of talking to get him to play as he had given it away except for church. Then we found a guy who could really sing, knew dozens of songs and while not the greatest guitar player was easily coachable and learned fast. Today we did a lunchtime gig and really cooked.
After it was over the bass player said to these two, "with a couple of more practises we can start gigging."
Of all things the drummer won't play as his wife doesn't like it and the guitar player/ singer is the same.
What's with these people, they meet their partners at gigs and then when they get snared they allow themselves to be hobbled like a horse.
Women and bands are not a good mix.
I had to have a rant, I'm so pissed off. Christ, I met my wife at a gig, have been married for 36 years and she chases me out to play. She says I am easier to live with when I play and she doesn't feel threatened by music.
Bloody spineless musicians are a pain.

Yeah that sucks... by the way, my wife is like yours... she likes me to GO play too, oh, and I met her at a radio station the first time and a recording studio the second time and then we got married and have been happily together ever since. Anyway, good luck and hang in there and don't give up on the band... no one said it would be easy.

 

[mshilarious]

...except the leader's wife. She didn't see anything funny. She didn't understand that Janine was doing anything wrong.

Well, their last record would have sounded a lot better if they'd recorded it in Dobly

 

[mharr552000]

My wife has never been to one of my gigs. She can't stand the music. She listens to stuff like Meatloaf and Bon Jovi. The guys I'm playing with write songs that are "Kornish".
I'll be standing in the kitchen playing something like Crazy Train or some Slayer riffs, and she will come by and tell me I need to stop playing that shit and learn a real song like Gary Moores' Still Got the Blues.

 

[spoonie g]

I met my girlfriend when she was interviewing my band for a website. I told her right off that music and my band is a big part of my life and that she would have to realise this. I have always done this and never had a problem. You just have to do it early.

 

[EdWonbass]

Well, their last record would have sounded a lot better if they'd recorded it in Dobly

Crap! you beat me to it.


I played full time in the 80's and pretty much made a mess of my first marrige. I hit everything that moved. Well, she had to be a fox.
My new wife is cool about gigging. She comes out to shows every now and then. We get some pretty fine girls at our shows but she knows I wouldn't do anything to screw things up.
Of course, it helps when your wife is hot!
www.stillcounting.com

 

[lpdeluxe]

their last record would have sounded a lot better if they'd recorded it in Dobly

Of course, we realize that NOW....

 

[Clive Hugh]

"I played full time in the 80's and pretty much made a mess of my first marrige. I hit everything that moved. Well, she had to be a fox."


I was always told that the drunker you get and the later it gets improves the looks of all women in the gig. There have been a few cases of shock horror over the years that I've heard about, some really funny.

 

[chris-from-ky]

A few years ago I was in a band that was doing well. We stayed busy on nights and weekends with gigs and practices. I had been married for 5 or 6 months when the band was offered a big paycheck to play a gig in MI. on the day after Christmas. My wife threw an absolute tantrum about the prospect of me being gone on Christmas. The band thought it'd be alright to get a replacement for me for that one gig, but things between my wife and I got so bad, I just quit the band after being in it for a number of years. What's worse is the Christmas gig got canceled and the guy who was to replace me for that gig - replaced me for good. I won't say I don't regret quitting, but I don't regret not quitting either. When I think of all that my wife does do for me and the things she puts up with, I'm lucky that she wants me to be around. For that, I love her. I'm not one who believes in divorce so, the band had to go. They moved on and have a record deal now. They wouldn't have gotten it if I was the guitarist. Everything works out in the end. And I have my humble studio as a consolation prize. My point is... Don't be too hard on the guys that can't be in your band. The choice to walk away may eat them alive for the rest of their lives.

Peace,
Chris

 

[pdadda]

Talking it out with the wife is key. Let her know just how important the music is to you. My wife has had problems with the late-night gigs off and on. You need to compromise on other things if she becomes cool with the gigs. I hate going to bed early (when she goes to bed), but if it makes my wife happy, I'll do it now and then. You need to figure this stuff out before saying "I do." Cause it never goes away.

 

[Lambo]

Clive, I was in a similar situation and felt the same anger over the whole thing. I don't think it can be confined to a mix of women and bands although we we lost a great lead vocalist to an insecure, jealous wife. The most pathetic was the loss an outstanding keyboard player, composer (had a degree in music), vocalist etc. who also had a ton of equipment who gave it all up for beer. To add insult to injury, he also had a wife who fully supported his music endeavors to the extent of encouraging him to borrow the money in order to convert a pole barn into a personal recording studio and purchase all of the necessary equipment to fill it. He gave all that up for an insatiable taste for beer!

 

[Clive Hugh]

Lambo,
You know when you think of it, how many incredibly talented musicians have gone down the same road, be it booze, drugs whatever. Is there some sort of self destruct gene that goes with the creativity? There must be something as it sure has got a few friends of mine over the years.

 

[lpdeluxe]

It's like lefthandedness and creativity...no, I'm not a lefty, but my wife is. There's a lot of anecdotal stuff floating around but not much fact.

IMHO creative people, whether musicians or artists (and I'm both) generally have more on their plate, emotionally at least, than people who aren't creative...or maybe it's more obvious because they have the means to express the conflicts that the hoi polloi don't.

It's a puzzle. There is a considerable literature on the connection between art and instability, but whether it's because the writers/artists/musicians have the opportunity to present it to the public, or whether it's endemic, is unknown. I know that when I look at a great painting, or listen to great music, or read a great book, something is speaking to me beyond the paint/notes/words.