Harlot's Sleeves

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icystorm

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Hi all,

Between busy work projects, I have tried to start a new demo from an idea that I had for a song. It's a pop-rock song about a young woman who throws her life away as a prostitute.

The song is in a very incomplete and early pre-demo stage right now, but I thought I would post the general idea here for early feedback regarding the lyrics, which are also incomplete and fluid right now. After I work out the entire arrangement, and finish the lyrics and demo vocals, I may prevail upon Jimmy and co. over in the mixing forum for their expert help, if they are willing and feel that the song is worthy of a better mix than my feeble skills can produce. ;-)

The next stage now is to finish the arrangement, complete the lyrics for the bridge, and re-record the vocals for the demo.

Feedback on the lyrics is kindly appreciated... :D I added the vocals for verse 1 only to give an idea of the melody's structure.

https://www.box.com/s/5n146xo9l3oetc33st2x

Harlot's Sleeves
Words and music by Joseph Spain
Created with ChordPulse 2.5 and Acoustica Mixcraft 6.0
Produced by Joseph Spain
CD: Harlot's Sleeves
Demo recording
Copyright: Joseph Spain 2012, 2013

Verse 1
Dark falls on the city
and she waits for love
It's not the kind of life
a heart in love thinks up
What will turn the corner when
She smiles through tears
and sells her skin
She's built her life on sorrow
now she pays in sin

Chorus
No angels pay her seller's fee
Her tears will mirror what you see
No fairy tale will save her life
A harlot's sleeves will never dry

Verse 2
Night goes on forever
as she prays for love
It's not the kind of mercy
that her heart deserves
Strangers turn she's cornered in
She's bought and sold and used again
They bid and buy her body
in her red light's sin

Bridge
??? lyrics soon
 
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Hi Joseph, good to see you posting.

The only line I have issue with is "Strangers turn she's cornered in". I appreciate that song lyrics have a looser licence than one's normal writing, but I'm wondering if "Strangers turn where she's hemmed in" or similar might work better than cornered with the oddness of having the following preposition to keep the syllable count. Hemmed also has a natural association with sleeve and easily lends itself to the of a preposition coming after it.

I'm interested to see what you have in mind for the arrangement in respect of instrumentation, as it would likely benefit from contrasting sound texture from verse to chorus.

Will follow your progress, all the best

Tim
 
Phrasemaker said:
Hi Joseph, good to see you posting.

The only line I have issue with is "Strangers turn she's cornered in". I appreciate that song lyrics have a looser licence than one's normal writing, but I'm wondering if "Strangers turn where she's hemmed in" or similar might work better than cornered with the oddness of having the following preposition to keep the syllable count. Hemmed also has a natural association with sleeve and easily lends itself to the of a preposition coming after it.

I'm interested to see what you have in mind for the arrangement in respect of instrumentation, as it would likely benefit from contrasting sound texture from verse to chorus.

Will follow your progress, all the best

Tim
Click to expand...

Hi Tim,

Thanks for your comments, my friend. This is why I always like posting lyrics here; someone always offers some insight into a line or three that could be better. I like your suggestion, but I am thinking more about "Strangers turn the lock she's in", where "lock" could be taken literally or metaphorically as a reference to her trapped life. I always prefer to use lines that can have multiple meanings and are open to the listener's interpretation. I'll give it some more thought.

Thanks again, Tim!

Cheers,
Joseph
 
Joseph,
The rewrite to lock is good
Tim's is equally good -
singability will be the issue I suppose.
 
rayc said:
Joseph,
The rewrite to lock is good
Tim's is equally good -
singability will be the issue I suppose.
Click to expand...

Thanks, Ray. I'm still thinking it over. :)

There's not much action in the forum these days. Would a songwriting challenge be worthwhile, or has interest waned too much?

Cheers,
Joseph
 
A Song comp or something might kick things along.
All's quiet across the board because there are a host of temporary members that clog & go.
It puts a lot of folk off reading & listening.
 
hi Joseph

I listened to your demo with interest, because I haven't heard anything from you for a while (probably my fault; I don't seem to have had the time).

I like the structure of the track, and I like your vocal treatment so far. This track represents quite a step forward for you, in my view, because it is distinctly and definitely you. I've noted in the past your vocal similarity to Barry Gibb . . . that's still there, but it seems to be more you than he now.

I accept the fact that you've uploaded a demo, and there is still work to do. However, I notice a lot of sibilance (which could be my headphones). You will need to check the notes you sing on "What will turn the corner when". There's something amiss there, most likely on "when" (it's 42 seconds in). It is a difficult sequence of chords there.

The lyrics are fine, and I can't see a whole heap of rewriting going on. I will note, though, that the theme is not uncommon, and it gave me cause to wonder about the sex workers who actually enjoy their work. The many that don't are often sung about, but the ones who do enjoy it seem to miss out.
 
Hi Mike!

It's good to hear from you, my friend. I hope all is well.

I completely agree with you about the sibilance. It was a hastily prepared pre-demo, and even worse than the normal sibilance on my demos. I also need some new equipment and a new preamp to help mitigate it, I think.

I also agree with you about the errant note on the word "when". I was rushing it on the first pass through and will definitely correct that when I re-record the vox.

I like your idea about a possible song involving sex workers who actually enjoy their work, instead of the usual victim theme. Something along the lines of, "the whore struts it, sluts it, and likes it!" LOL! I'm thinking of a title and a very upbeat song: "She Provides"... seriously!

But maybe "Harlot's Sleeves" is more about someone else who hurts for the whore more than she hurts for herself; sort of from the perspective of a third-person. It could be taken in a few different ways.

On a personal note, how have you been? Any new material from you? Anything new from your niece (I think that was your niece we heard from before)?

Have a good one, Mike.

Cheers,
Joseph
 
I agree, Ray, but just a few years ago, there would be a couple of pages of new (and good quality) posts every week or so. Now, it takes a few months to reach the same level of activity here. It could be that people are busy with real life; more so than ever before. I know I'm more preoccupied with work projects these days.

Hope all is well with you, my friend.

Cheers,
Joseph
 
Joseph, I think a song writing challenge sounds like a way nudging a few people toward getting some lines together. Personally I've had a lot of work commitments over the last month or two but I often check out this part of the forum. I'm hoping to get writing today and during the few days I have away from work in the coming week. I'm fine once I start a track because I have a bit of an obsessive personality which won't settle until I get something resolved, and as much of putting a track together is overcoming a series of hurdles it appeals to that side of my nature.

All the best

Tim
 
Phrasemaker said:
Joseph, I think a song writing challenge sounds like a way nudging a few people toward getting some lines together. Personally I've had a lot of work commitments over the last month or two but I often check out this part of the forum. I'm hoping to get writing today and during the few days I have away from work in the coming week. I'm fine once I start a track because I have a bit of an obsessive personality which won't settle until I get something resolved, and as much of putting a track together is overcoming a series of hurdles it appeals to that side of my nature.

All the best

Tim
Click to expand...

Excellent points, Tim, and thanks for responding. There are a few ways to do this. We typically select a theme for all participants to write about. Then, each participant composes a track for critique by the other participants. Then, each participant writes and posts the song's lyrics for critique. Finally, each participant records vocals to the composition and posts that for final critique.

I cannot start a new one right now, but I may be able to in a couple of weeks.

Cheers,
Joseph
 
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