In honor of Chessrock's birthday, he was invited on to the radio program "Pro Talk", to share some of the generous and kind advice he's given here at HR over the last year. Here's the transcript.....
Today we have legendary engineer Chessrock here on Pro Talk.
Hello Chessrock, and welcome to our radio show.
"Oh Jesus Christ. Why don't you just say it's for a Podcast?
Are you trying to impress people by calling it a freakin' radio show?
For crying out loud. It's a feckin' Podcast. What a fucking crock of bullshit "
Right, well then, It's your birthday this week, any plans for the big day?
"I'd really like to get myself a blowup doll that is extremely close to having sex with a real woman."
I see, um, aren't there any real women willing to have sex with you?
"No, but Ed Rei has this little man-crush on me, which is kind of flattering."
I was thinking more in the line of hot chicks.
"If I was a hot chick, I'd be making out with myself".
OK then....... let's talk about microphones, what can you tell us about mics?
"Well, in a nut shell ... mics pick up sound."
OK.....but what mics do you like on what?
"Oh Jesus Christ. Who gives a crap?"
Never mind then, what do you look for in a preamp?
"I kinda' want it to bring my mic up to line level"
But you must have favorites that you like to use on certain sounds?
"Yea, no shit. Why do you keep asking the same f*&king question over and over ?"
Sorry.
"Well don't freakin' let it freakin' happen again, for freakin' freaks sake."
So what do you think of the website Home Recording, particularly the forum there?
"What a fucking crock of bullshit"
Any birthday advice for anyone there?
"Southside,
As hard as this may seem for you to grasp ... sometimes people have more important things to do than read through your dissertations on quantum physics and the meaning of life."
Do you ever worry that you might be comming off as a little rude?
"Yea, well at least I'm rude to your face."
And some have suggested you might be a little closed minded.
"I suppose the fact that I don't choose to piss in to a strong gust of wind ... makes me close-minded to the idea of having piss all over myself."
I suppose. Do you have any advice for the many home recordists who have invested a good deal of time and money working on their engineering and mixing skills?
"Have someone else engineer and mix."
Great. Well it looks like we're running out of time, I hope you've enjoyed this as much as our listeners surely have.
"I almost squirted beer out of my nose. I think I'm going to go kill myself now."
Any way we can get you to share some of your actual knowledge next time?
"I was thinking maybe you could try something a little different next time. Like a hat made of meat, perhaps?"
I'll work on that. Till next time,this has been Pro Talk.
Happy Birthday Chessrock!
I mean Birthday! 
