Goodbye Mr. Pills

TAE

TAE

All you have is now
So Armistice posted a song in the MP3 clinic and listening and relistening I remembered a song he did years back when the Cave still existed. He was inspired by a letter I posted there that my brother in law wrote when he was battling drug and alcohol addiction..A crazy letter and sadly a year or so later he was gone. One of the early victims of the heroin laced with fentanyl ...His Mom found him sprawled out on her living room floor @ 1AM in the morning. She'd seen him come in @ 10 PM a little drunk but fine...somewhere between then and 1 AM he shot up was gone...Frickin horrible thing for a Mom to have to deal with...Crazier when we were going through his things dealing with the aftermath we found the letter it is so heartfelt..so real and so sad...

Love Armistice song that he came up and it's posted below Tony's breakup letter to Mr. Pills and then the draft we found in his email account...sad shit

It's been about 10 years now He'd be 52 fentanyl sucks...Two of my old high school buds kids have died in the last 6 months from the shit...The #1 cause of death of males between 18 and 40 in the U.S. today.

Goodbye Mr. Pills​

I really used to love you. I would have lied, cheated or stole for you. We used to have so much fun together. I don't think there was anything else I wanted to do than be with you.

It started out great, and then slowly over time you seemed to turn me into someone I didn't want to be. I became dependent on you and only you. I severed relationships with people I loved to be with you.

You are a poison I could not get enough of. I made you the number one priority in my life. But I thank God I finally realized how I was being used. I was your slave and that's just not me. I made a decision to say goodbye. I F'n hate you and hope you die. Have fun in hell cause that's where you belong. Bitch. It's over.

And here's the letter he wrote that was in his drafts of his e-mail account..

I am weak and have got to pull out of this mess I have made of my life. I am so worried that I can't think straight. My son is turning into me and I am to blame. I failed as a father because I wanted to be his friend instead of his parent.
Standing here watching him not care about me, my Mom or any of the family. I can't explain why, I just know it's killing me inside. I am numb. I just want to cry but I don't or can't because I am so disconnected from my emotions and have been for so long.
This person I am is not me. I don't know how to fix all of this. I really don't know if I can do this without professional help.
All I want is for us to be happy. I love my Mom so much and just want for her to be happy with the way I turned out , be proud that I did the right thing for once. For my son to love and respect me as his father.
I have turned into someone I hate, I can't even look in the mirror at myself. I have no will, it seems like anymore I have already lost. I don't want to keep going in this direction. I can't or I will lose everything. GOD IS THE ANSWER... I am going to get on my hands and knees and pray for my life back.


Goodbye Mr. Pills​

View attachment Goodbye Mr Pills.mp3

And the saga continued....He mentions his son is becoming him in the e-mail ...

Less that a year later his son passed away from the same thing..He was 18 years old...
 
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Man, that's sad.

About 6 months ago, for all intent and purposes my son in-law, my grandson's dad, it got him. From what I gather he was just a dabbler, just a little fun on occasion. It is so sad and hard to wrap my head around my grandson giving CPR to his dad to no avail. I can't imagine how that felt, my heart breaks for him. Authorities arrived, there was still a faint heartbeat. They never removed him from the home for care. He died right there. Everyone was ordered out of the home, including my grandson, while they...I don't know, investigated? An hour passed before his body was removed. In the meantime his mother an immigrant from Greece had arrived and was not allowed to be with her son. I'll never forget her words at the funeral, pointing, pleading "My beautiful son! How could this happen to my beautiful son?"

It's terrible, man. These drugs. This fentanyl.
 
Shit. That’s horrible!

For years I felt like a traitor to my hometown for moving 3,000 miles away.

With the advent of the internet I tried to find some of my closest friends and band mates.

No luck, finally one found me a few years ago. He and I are the only survivors out of our group of friends. 5 out of 7 of us are dead. All drug related. All were people that by every normal measure were destined for success, yet succumbed to drug abuse.

I’m sad my friends are gone, but I feel zero guilt now for moving away.

Maybe it saved my life. I might have gone down the same path.
 
I lost my stepson five years ago. My daughter is battling alcoholism. I myself battled demons for a long time and surprised I am
still alive. There were a few close calls.
 
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RFR said:
Shit. That’s horrible!

For years I felt like a traitor to my hometown for moving 3,000 miles away.

With the advent of the internet I tried to find some of my closest friends and band mates.

No luck, finally one found me a few years ago. He and I are the only survivors out of our group of friends. 5 out of 7 of us are dead. All drug related. All were people that by every normal measure were destined for success, yet succumbed to drug abuse.

I’m sad my friends are gone, but I feel zero guilt now for moving away.

Maybe it saved my life. I might have gone down the same path.
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That is very similar to my story, except mine mostly involves alcohol. Liver failure and related health complications , alcohol related car accidents(fortunately they didn't kill someone else), suicide, drugs, the lifestyle. One close friend, death was ruled suicide given nobody would think they could drive that fast on that particular road. I have 2 older brothers, we're all close in age, 2 of the 3 of us luckily moved away, the 3rd who remained experienced struggles. We're all back, me having moved back about a year ago fairly close to my hometown. We talk about it sometimes, how lucky we are to have somehow made it, all three of us. The odds were against us. It would have been a good bet that at least one of us wouldn't still be around. We count the friends who are gone. Sometimes moving on from the conversation and then out of the blue another name gets added to the list. It boggles the mind. With the exception being those who were smart, got out and moved away, I don't really have any old friends from the old neighborhood here. All of my closest friends I grew up with are dead. One from cancer, another "complications from diabetes", the rest taken by the lifestyle. It's fun until it is not. Even when it is not, it's hard if not impossible to get away from it. Well, there is one surefire way.
 
Oh wow, it's been a while since I listened to that...

Here, if you want to hear the song, play the YouTube below, I can use the $0.001 royalties. Times are tough... :oops::-)



Moral of the story - don't tell me your story, I'll make a song out of it... not the first time.:LOL:

As soon as I saw TAE post his thread with the letter way back then in the Cave I thought "That just has to be a song title..." and so I "borrowed" it. It's not specifically about TAE's BIL as I didn't know him, but it's about a type of person who lives that type of life and was very much inspired by TAE's BIL's letter. I've not done it myself but know one or two I've watched from a distance.

Mainly when I listen to it now I just want to re-record and remix it... soooooo much better at this now than I was 5 years ago when I recorded / mixed it.:unsure:
 
Cunning and Baffling are the words used in the AA program.

It's the not the drinking, it's the thinking

I still live in the same town I grew up in and several of my teen friends that I hung with are still kickin. I've only lost a few to drugs and alcohol but as the years go by I'm losing more and more just to the trials of getting old, cancer and weird diseases. Some have moved but 3 of my closest are within 10 miles of me and we still get together for lunch every few months or so just to catch up and say hey..Kind of nice while we can do it, 2 were never all that much into drugs but the other one...Holy shit ( He's the one that lost his 20 year old son this year to Fent)...left him with a 18 month old grandson to raise. What's crazy about my bro is he did a couple multi year stints in prison for cooking / selling meth...he's clean and sober about 10 years..He now owns and operates I think it's 4 now sober living houses for women and their kids. I have seen him post at least 6 times where a mother who lost her kids to the system got them back via the sober living homes he is running...So cool and so bizarre that he was able to pull out of the curve, dodge the bullet and now bringing so much good back into the world..he was always was a bitchin soul but man the drugs took him into the shit and mud of life and he screwed up really bad, tortured his parents. They'd be so proud and happy for him now.

Cunning and baffling indeed.

Staying in the same town for 69 years I have a lot friends / acquaintances and a lot of them are clean and sober. Some are what they call water walkers in the program..do the service work go to prisons and such to try and share the tools of sobriety. Those 12 steps are tough to take but if you take them, and take them seriously and work them the miracle of sobriety is there.

I've got @ 35 years but never did the deep dive into the program. I don't go to the meetings hardly at all anymore though I did for several years. I've watched folks with a few days, a few weeks, a few months, a few years to a shit ton of years go out and die. I also have seen many go tons of year sober and go out that way...It works if you work it....won't if you don't.

Funny thing about my brother in laws story. I got clean from drugs via what I call a spiritual intervention, not the program. Won't go into it here but it was real and in a New York minute ( about two weeks) I went from sitting in the shit hole of that world to never doing the drug that had dragged me down again. It wasn't long before I started discovering who my friends were and weren't ..some were only there because of the common denominator ..drugs. Once I was clean they were gone...but the real friends, some who used, some that didn't stuck around.

So he was in his late teens and was all screwed up but wanted to get out of the shit. One of those friends that stuck around got sober a few years after me via AA. So I talked to him about Tony and he suggested taking him to a meeting. So there we went. As I sat in those meetings and heard the stories and looked at those steps I realized that I had taken the first 3 all on my own but it might not be a bad idea to try doing all 12....and I did and in doing so I learned a lot about myself and self control. Tony.....nope. He did the teen challenge thing and a few religion based recovery groups all to no avail. Which led to him doing a couple multi year stints in state prison. He finally got out and got a good job as an electrician making bank and was living a nice sober life. Then he decided he could manage his drinking and it was only a matter of time. He was back there playing in the sewage of that whacky world. For sure in my mind it was unintentional when he did his last fix...he was just numbing the pain in his head. To see his 18 year old son lying in that hospital on life support a year later was so tragic, so sad. This handsome young man ( Kinda looked like Tab Hunter) lying there with a whole life ahead of him wasted just waiting to pull the plug. My bud who owns the houses says it very common these days that when the drug using parent checks out the kids behind them often do within a few years...


Before Ozzy's crazy train I wrote a song called "Stop the train" which was about the craziness of Cocaine and how it drove people to ruin their lives from the need to do it. I had not done Coke yet and was really against it. It was written about my band mates and all the craziness I was seeing. Had no idea at the time that I'd be on that train myself just a few years later.. :eek:

Stop the train at the station
Got to get off, now's the time
Then you give me invitation
Can't say no it's the same old line

You're penniless and destitute
Psychologically you're broke
But you're hooked all the same
It ain't no joke

You know she's not good for you
In fact she's very very bad
But the lady's got her hooks in your heart
She's driving you mad

Got to get off
But I just can't find the time to get off'
Cause I'm having too much fun while I'm on
Someone help to to get off of this crazy train I'm riding

Stop the train
Stop the train
Stop the train
STOP!
 
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I don't know what it was about our immediate neighborhood. I don't really go on Facebook, but when I did I would see guys from other neighborhoods, friends that are still around, get together and hang out, go to events together. It'd be cool to do that, to be able to do that. Get together for lunch or whatever.

Being the youngest of us 3 brothers no doubt I was a bit wilder(?) I guess. Maybe little brother syndrome, whatever. I was heading down a really bad path, death or prison. I can honestly say that picking up the guitar probably saved me. Although living the musician thing has its own complications, later on, but earlier becoming so wrapped up with learning, practicing hours a day, it took me off the street, so to say. Lots of time alone, but was probably for the best. I know what it did for me, that's why I will jump at the chance to possibly help make the same happen for some other kid. The other change or saving grace was meeting my wife a little over 30 yrs ago.

My best friend growing up, he got diagnosed liver failure, no hope. He just kept on drinking until it killed him. We were the youngest in the hood, dubbed "the dildo brothers" by one of our elders. Ha. Pains in the ass, but could drink any of the older guys under the table. The guy could turn a phrase, just as clever as one could be. You could write a million songs about his life and the words that just rolled off his tongue. The stories I could tell about that guy, many, luckily, I wasn't around when they occured. Its not really funny I guess, but hammered one day he hit a parked car in the neighborhood. His car disabled, he reaches under the seat for a fresh pint of brown liquor, Bourbon. Cops arrive and he's sitting on the hood about spent bottle in his hand. They arrest him for DUI, also find a bag of herb. I can still imagine him doing it, character that he was, standing there handcuffed he just cool as a cucumber looks at the cop and tells him, "That's some good shit right there, you ought to keep that for yourself." It never showed up in a charge or in court, never mentioned. His lawyer who he all but had on speed dial argued there was no proof he was drunk at the time of the accident, was so upset about the accident he after the fact popped open a bottle. Had the receipt where he had purchased the fresh bottle mere minutes before the accident, too little time to have consumed. He walked on all of it. I'm not glorifying any of it, it's just a story. Times were different back then. I think about him almost everyday, he was like a brother. I even have a jacket named after him, asking my wife, have you seen my ____ ____ jacket? Odd thing is, if he was still alive I would probably stay as far away from him as possible.
 
Armistice said:
Oh wow, it's been a while since I listened to that...

Here, if you want to hear the song, play the YouTube below, I can use the $0.001 royalties. Times are tough... :oops::-)



Mainly when I listen to it now I just want to re-record and remix it... soooooo much better at this now than I was 5 years ago when I recorded / mixed it.:unsure:
Click to expand...

It's perfect now and then!
 
Mick Doobie said:
I don't know what it was about our immediate neighborhood. I don't really go on Facebook, but when I did I would see guys from other neighborhoods, friends that are still around, get together and hang out, go to events together. It'd be cool to do that, to be able to do that. Get together for lunch or whatever.

Being the youngest of us 3 brothers no doubt I was a bit wilder(?) I guess. Maybe little brother syndrome, whatever. I was heading down a really bad path, death or prison. I can honestly say that picking up the guitar probably saved me. Although living the musician thing has its own complications, later on, but earlier becoming so wrapped up with learning, practicing hours a day, it took me off the street, so to say. Lots of time alone, but was probably for the best. I know what it did for me, that's why I will jump at the chance to possibly help make the same happen for some other kid. The other change or saving grace was meeting my wife a little over 30 yrs ago.

My best friend growing up, he got diagnosed liver failure, no hope. He just kept on drinking until it killed him. We were the youngest in the hood, dubbed "the dildo brothers" by one of our elders. Ha. Pains in the ass, but could drink any of the older guys under the table. The guy could turn a phrase, just as clever as one could be. You could write a million songs about his life and the words that just rolled off his tongue. The stories I could tell about that guy, many, luckily, I wasn't around when they occured. Its not really funny I guess, but hammered one day he hit a parked car in the neighborhood. His car disabled, he reaches under the seat for a fresh pint of brown liquor, Bourbon. Cops arrive and he's sitting on the hood about spent bottle in his hand. They arrest him for DUI, also find a bag of herb. I can still imagine him doing it, character that he was, standing there handcuffed he just cool as a cucumber looks at the cop and tells him, "That's some good shit right there, you ought to keep that for yourself." It never showed up in a charge or in court, never mentioned. His lawyer who he all but had on speed dial argued there was no proof he was drunk at the time of the accident, was so upset about the accident he after the fact popped open a bottle. Had the receipt where he had purchased the fresh bottle mere minutes before the accident, too little time to have consumed. He walked on all of it. I'm not glorifying any of it, it's just a story. Times were different back then. I think about him almost everyday, he was like a brother. I even have a jacket named after him, asking my wife, have you seen my ____ ____ jacket? Odd thing is, if he was still alive I would probably stay as far away from him as possible.
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Honestly for this kind of shit to happen..old friends getting together, someone has to get the ball rolling. I am that someone. Highly unlikely we'd see each other every 10 years if I wasn't making it happen. But I do and we dig it when we do get together. I've got several different sub sets of old friends. Highschool days, College days, Rock star daze, Contractor days, Old neighbors, AA friends, HR.com buds, Church friends and current and old business related friends. Sometimes I get the call out of nowhere, but more often than not it is me making the call and that's just fine. I do do Facebook and because of that I am linked to a lot of old friends I get to see via the FB that for sure I would not have conversations with otherwise.

Like you I had one "special" friend like yours had the golden tongue and whack sense of humor...He was the big man on campus..and I was not... but I was his first friend when he moved into the neighborhood and surely one of his closest till the day he passed now 15+ years ago ...That boy lived a large life but alcohol was his downfall for most of his life.. Got clean for about 10 years and then got some weird brain disease that took him out in less than a year...sucks
 
When I was in high school I didn't walk the walk of the jocks and the small group of girls who considered themselves beyond approach.
That was then. Everyone's life can turn on a dime.
 
RFR said:
So you’re saying now you’re a stud and have more women than you can handle?

Good for you!

Wait.......... one woman is more than I can handle. :)
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I was never, ever considered a stud in high school or at any other point of time in my lifetime. That's one of the constants I've learned to live with. LOL!!!
 
60's guy said:
I was never, ever considered a stud in high school or at any other point of time in my lifetime. That's one of the constants I've learned to live with. LOL!!!
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Unfortunately, a few of my high school classmates ended up dead far too soon.
 
60's guy said:
When I attended high school the majority of hot looking girls padded their bras!
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C'mon now. Back when you were in highschool girls didn't wear bras. Can I get a rim shot? I was a little behind you coming of age of noticing such things. Remember "tube tops" back in the 70s? It was the sports bra of the day with a little more jiggle.

Anybody know why they seem to do that? Beaky, you I recall said you used to be an EMT? It's not the first time I've heard rather than starting life saving measures, loading the person up and whisking them off to the hospital as fast as possible, they do what they can right there at the scene. If the person makes it, they make it, determined right there. I'm not suggesting they let them die, but it seems a bit cold and not a full on effort to save a life. To my understanding my son in-law had a faint heart beat when EMTs arrived. But they never took him to the hospital. He died right there, declared deceased, laid there for about on hour(could have been slightly more or slightly less, I wasn't there) before the body was removed by the I suppose coroner's office. I don't know, maybe I just don't understand how that sort of thing works, but it seems cold, uncaring, not a full on effort.
 
Not attempting to derail. A little levity isn't always inappropriate.

A girl back probably my sophomore year in highschool, I'd actually known her since kindergarten, my first "girlfriend". Ill say her name, what the hell. Melissa Casalanova, I guess that's how you spell it. Hot name in itself. My family had moved and her family just so happened to move 3 doors down from me. Grade school I used to pull her around in my little red wagon, she later reminded me of how sweet she thought that was. She was a good wrasler, we used to wrestle in my front yard, of course I always let her win. Very hot girl when she matured into a young woman. Blonde, blue eyes, trim. Highschool, seemingly more grown-up and mature than the other girls. Can't say exactly why, standoffish maybe, but she caught a lot of flack. I think she was just misunderstand. Rumor was she stuffed her bra, I think it started with the females. I think they were just jealous. Young twerp guys couldn't get an audience with her. Graced by her presence on occasion, I can vouch. She absolutely did not stuff her bra. Never said a word until now. Years later I was in town and decided to drive by the old neighborhood. A little after dark, there she was walking across her parent's yard to the driveway. I stopped and said her name. Man it was nice to see her, and could tell it worked both ways, in a casual way. Just two old old friends since kindergarten. As we caught up I heard some loud voice call her name, almost scolding. I don't know it for a fact, but apparently she had married some asshole. I hope she's alright, happy.
 
Rumors happen, kids talk, and at times common sense is in short supply.

Once we'd moved again, out to the county different highschool my Jr and senior year, there was also a new girl. She a senior, I a junior. Erica. Hot redhead. Smokin hot. She got along well with all the other girls, but I think the guys were intimidated by her. Can't say why, she was a really nice cordial sort. With the guys, it was all, "Does the carpet match the drapes". I smacked a kid up side the head one time when he said it, wasn't having it. But I'll say it here and now. Of course, of course the carpet matched the drapes.

I wasn't a "stud" back in highschool, or thereafter. But I had no problem enjoying the attention of females. As much as such a thing is possible, treat them with understanding, and the respect they may or may not deserve. Hell, I've probably gotten as much pussy putting a girl in her place as attempting to kiss ass. In fact, the ones that pretend to hate your guts, often that thing is wet. If they want to wrassle, wrassle.

It kind of reminds me of that Jim Croce song, Operator. I probably have the lyrics not exactly correct. Something like..

"She's living in L.A., with my best old ex friend Ray. A guy she said she knew well but sometimes hated."

She had the hots for his best friend Ray, but pretended like she hated his guts. Frustration, or whatever.

Anyway, that's it for my morning motormouth offerings. Good day, gents.
 
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