
Whatmysay
New member
John and all
I’d like to offer this one up for evaluation – against your criteria or any other
I’m trying to get across the extreme level of hopelessness with the complete brake down of the universe.
The Mid8 is based around a new technique for seeing the echo of supernovas from the past through reflected light I read about In New Scientist last month. It seemed such a poetic idea that I have tried to include it, but I think it stands lyrically on it own regardless of the science.
The greatest area of weakness for me are the lines ‘Sleepless void’ and
‘ . . .destroyed’ they seem contrived – I don’t know how they appear to a new reader?
Comments welcome
Broken Universe
In my search for the weight of love
I’ve measured constellations
With telescope and satellite
Witnessed love bending light
But stars still collide
And hearts fade and dry
Ch
In a broken Universe, A sleepless void
In a broken Universe, You destroyed
Scientist all agree, That you leaving me
Broke the Universe, A broken Universe
In my search for the human soul
I walk the streets of Chernobyl
Fall out cool upon my skin
My half-life burnt deep within
In dreams I scream for you
Red shift turns blue
Ch
Mid8
If supernovas make their memories
With light through cosmic dust
That reflects through eternity
Then why can’t we make love
But you broke the Universes
Broke the Universe (r)
I’d like to offer this one up for evaluation – against your criteria or any other
I’m trying to get across the extreme level of hopelessness with the complete brake down of the universe.
The Mid8 is based around a new technique for seeing the echo of supernovas from the past through reflected light I read about In New Scientist last month. It seemed such a poetic idea that I have tried to include it, but I think it stands lyrically on it own regardless of the science.
The greatest area of weakness for me are the lines ‘Sleepless void’ and
‘ . . .destroyed’ they seem contrived – I don’t know how they appear to a new reader?
Comments welcome
Broken Universe
In my search for the weight of love
I’ve measured constellations
With telescope and satellite
Witnessed love bending light
But stars still collide
And hearts fade and dry
Ch
In a broken Universe, A sleepless void
In a broken Universe, You destroyed
Scientist all agree, That you leaving me
Broke the Universe, A broken Universe
In my search for the human soul
I walk the streets of Chernobyl
Fall out cool upon my skin
My half-life burnt deep within
In dreams I scream for you
Red shift turns blue
Ch
Mid8
If supernovas make their memories
With light through cosmic dust
That reflects through eternity
Then why can’t we make love
But you broke the Universes
Broke the Universe (r)