Feedback please "I'll Be Fine"

[rguagenti]

This is a song I am presently working on and plan an MP3 post within a week or so.

Please give these lyrics a whirl and tell me what - if anything- you think. Thanks


"I'll Be Fine"

When you walked into the room
I could tell by your eyes you've been crying for a while
I was waiting for a time
When I thought maybe I could see you smile again

But lately the fire in our night
It ain't been burning too bright
And when we kiss
Oh how I miss
The passion in the night

Your eyes are looking at me
But your soul is looking through me
And you're afraid to tell me, what you're gonna do with me

But baby I'm a man
Can't you see where I stand
Don't worry about me
I'll be fine

I'll be fine,after you're gone
When you leave, I'll carry on

Your eyes are looking at me
But your soul is looking through me
And you're afraid to tell me. what you're gonna do with me

But baby I'm a man
And I know where I stand
Don't worry about me
I'll be fine

But I won't forget that you were mine

 

[RyanEmerson]

It seems pretty enough. But really, it's the vocals (and background music) that will be the real challenge, and it'll be interesting to see how they compliment the lyrics.

I mean, "I Want You to Want Me" by Cheap Trick on paper seems really lame. But it turned out to be an excellent song!

 

[Politicker]

it might suck if it's a wimpy, whiney ballad... now, i love ballads more than anything, but the lyrics have to be really unique and interesting and the singing must be good... your song, frankly, isn't unique, but it could be good if it's a dynamic soul/blues song... at least the melody should be interesting, if not the lyrics.

 

[Dyson Steel]

This is a song I am presently working on and plan an MP3 post within a week or so.

Please give these lyrics a whirl and tell me what - if anything- you think. Thanks


"I'll Be Fine"

When you walked into the room
I could tell by your eyes you've been crying for a while
I was waiting for a time
When I thought maybe I could see you smile again

But lately the fire in our night
It ain't been burning too bright
And when we kiss
Oh how I miss
The passion in the night

Your eyes are looking at me
But your soul is looking through me
And you're afraid to tell me, what you're gonna do with me

But baby I'm a man
Can't you see where I stand
Don't worry about me
I'll be fine

I'll be fine,after you're gone
When you leave, I'll carry on

Your eyes are looking at me
But your soul is looking through me
And you're afraid to tell me. what you're gonna do with me

But baby I'm a man
And I know where I stand
Don't worry about me
I'll be fine

But I won't forget that you were mine

This sounds so cool to me. Kinda sounds Country, folk or soft rock.
I really like it. But I'm not any body.

May I recommend a possible change?

Instead of But lately the fire in our night
It ain't been burning too bright


Change it to
But lately the fire in our night

Is dimly lit no longer burning bright


Just a thought. Good Luck!


D

 

[rguagenti]

Thanks for the comments.

This song was inspired by some of Jim Steinman's work so it is turning into an orchestral arrangement similar to the Bat Out of Hell ballads. I'm trying to strike a balance so as not to go too ovr the top as only Steinman can do so well.

BTW, if you're into that kinda stuff give Lost Boys and Golden Girls a whirl. This was to be Meat's follow up to Bat Out of Hell, but it never happened due to the well documented problems Meat had. Karla DeVito and Rory Dodd are on it and Jim does post of the vocals. But I digress.

Will post an MP3 soon, hopefully.