Feedback on a serious effort - "Oblivion"

[Pinky]

I have long held the conviction that when I, or anyone, finally dies, we will "experience" exactly what we "experienced" before we were concieved... Absolutly Nothin'..... (What is it good for?....)
The only LOGICAL conclusion....

Infinity of oblivion......unitl life occurs, we have experience.....then, after..... Infinity of oblivion....

What say you?

Sounds like a good voice over. Oblivion, like hell, can be a place on earth if we make the wrong choices.

It was suggested on another board that some form of singing or voice over is in demand. I could try a voice over. Unfortunately I don't know any singers (most of the ones around here are rather pretentious and impossible to work with).

Al, again I don't mind criticism - it's just that one Jack-Off is nothing but a bag of insults disguised as criticism. I don't HAVE to accept something as criticism just because someone says it is. Stand for something or fall for anything is my motto. It's also my right to surround myself with positive people, like yourself, who can disagree without being disagreeable.

As for the suggestions - I think a spoken word piece may be in order. I used to be a writer and can still pull some lines from the ether. "Melody" is more the chord progression, which is why I don't work with or play leads - just not the way my musical mind works. Another reason I'm going to bail on the guitar thing soon and focus on learning the drums... I'm a poser! After 10 years of off/on playing the best I've managed to be motivated to accomplish on the instrument is 3 part rock, and apparently it's not quite up to the music community's standards. Then again, musak is subjective and I'm sure it's not as bad when not looking at it from under the microscope.

I like the flanged guitar

 

[HangDawg]

I would either find some good samples and turn up the drum machine or just get rid of it all together. The whole thing falls apart at the 1:18 change. The electric guitar parts don't sound good at all and kind of ruin the clarity that was there up until that point. The arrangement makes no sense either. What is the purpose of the piece?

 

[gbav]

I definitely dig the chord structure of the song, real kind of dark slow feel to it (my kinda thing). I agree with some past posts this song could go a long way with a vocal on top of it, not sure if your a singer just my opinion. I feel where your going when the electrics hit, but personally i loved it acoustic. No mix comments from me, im not qualified for that kind of thing.
Just my 2 Cents.
Take care
Gary