Everything I Am (revised)

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ido1957

ido1957

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I posted this song before, but had to revise the lyrics on this one. In the first version, the verses felt uptempo which didn't seem to match the feel of the chorus (more of a ballad). Now its all more ballad oriented....

I going to try and work out some music this week and will post when that's done....

Let me know what you think of this revised version.

Everything I Am (Revised)

Thought I’d take some time tonight
Do some thinking about my life
The way it was before she came along
I spent all of my time searching for
Somebody who could give me more
Than a passing smile but then too soon be gone

Now she's given me so much
With a smile and her gentle touch
It’s bringing out the things I’ve kept within
She changed my house into a home
Gave me love like I’ve never known
How do I thank her tell me where do I begin

(Chorus)
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this loving kind, I know you’ll understand
Why I want to be her loving man,
She’s everything I am

It hasn’t always been this way
You know I used to go astray
Did some things that I’m not proud to talk about
But those days are long behind me
Got her loving there to guide me
It’s a special strength that I can’t live without

She gives meaning to my life
It makes me want to do things right
My life is better than I ever dreamed it’d be
Loving her is what I’ll do
And I’ll be keeping my love true
Forever baby till eternity

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
I’m catching some alright tonight now baby
Nothing better I know that it’s true
Talking about this new life that she gave me
Her love is always going to see me through

Break / Bridge (modulate up one step) Chorus
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
Why I want to be her loving man,
She’s everything I am

It’s just knowing that she’s there
And knowing that she cares
And if I could I’d give her all the world

Chorus

Copyright 2007 G. Steele

:D :) :D :)
 
I remember the old version and I liked that. Once you have music I would like to hear this one. This version seems to read easier/flow better thatn the one I remember. It should go to music well. ;)
 
up-fiddler said:
I remember the old version and I liked that. Once you have music I would like to hear this one. This version seems to read easier/flow better thatn the one I remember. It should go to music well. ;)
Click to expand...
Thanks up-fiddler, I've got the music down for the chorus and bridge so far. I hope to have the music for the verses soon..... :D
 
First off, I like it :)

A few observations, to do with as you will...

I'm not sure whether you have tried singing it yet, but there are a few lines that may be a bit crowded (but it's hard to tell because the music may take care of that).

Example: "How do I thank her tell me where do I begin" has maybe one syllable too many? But it would be easy to change to "How do I thank her? Tell me where to begin" so there isn't anything too troubling :)

There are a couple of false rhymes, but they are fine.

It would be nice to find something other than "eternal flame", which feels a bit cliched to me (but I am nit=picking!).

I like the line about turning your house into a home, and I like the hook very much.

I also like the bridge (I assume you are fishing as you relate this). Only quibble.. as you say "baby", shouldn't it be "your love" "you gave me" etc?

Overall, it's nice and I am sure she will love it. Good work :)
 
ido1957 said:
I posted this song before, but had to revise the lyrics on this one. In the first version, the verses felt uptempo which didn't seem to match the feel of the chorus (more of a ballad). Now its all more ballad oriented....

I going to try and work out some music this week and will post when that's done....

Let me know what you think of this revised version.

Everything I Am (Revised)

Thought I’d take some time tonight
Do some thinking about my life
The way it was before she came along
I spent all of my time searching for
Somebody who could give me more
Than a passing smile but then too soon be gone

Now she's given me so much
With a smile and her gentle touch
It’s bringing out the things I’ve kept within
She changed my house into a home
Gave me love like I’ve never known
How do I thank her tell me where do I begin

(Chorus)
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this loving kind, I know you’ll understand
Why I want to be her loving man,
She’s everything I am

It hasn’t always been this way
You know I used to go astray
Did some things that I’m not proud to talk about
But those days are long behind me
Got her loving there to guide me
It’s a special strength that I can’t live without

She gives meaning to my life
It makes me want to do things right
My life is better than I ever dreamed it’d be
Loving her is what I’ll do
And I’ll be keeping my love true
Forever baby till eternity

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
I’m catching some alright tonight now baby
Nothing better I know that it’s true
Talking about this new life that she gave me
Her love is always going to see me through

Break / Bridge (modulate up one step) Chorus
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
Why I want to be her loving man,
She’s everything I am

It’s just knowing that she’s there
And knowing that she cares
And if I could I’d give her all the world

Chorus

Copyright 2007 G. Steele

:D :) :D :)
Click to expand...

If any of your previous song writing is any thing to go by Gerry, I truly look forward to hearing how these words will meter out with your music. :)
 
Thanks for the great feedback everyone. I recorded a scratch take on this one and here is the link. I also revised the lyrics a bit to fit the music (see below). Let me know what you think now that you can put the words to music....

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=395006&songID=4910421

************************************************** **********************
Everything I Am

Thought I’d take some time tonight
Do some thinking about my life
The way it was before she came along
I spent all of my time just searching for
Somebody who could give me more
Than a passing smile but then too soon be gone

Now she's given me so much
With a smile and her gentle touch
It’s bringing out the things I’ve kept within
She changed my house into a home
Gave me love like I’ve never known
How do I thank her where do I begin

(Chorus)
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this loving kind, I know you’ll understand
Why I want to be her loving man,
She’s everything I am

It hasn’t always been this way
You know I used to go astray
Did some things that I’m not proud to talk about
But those days are long behind me
Got her loving there to guide me
It’s a special strength that I can’t live without

She gives meaning to my life
It makes me want to do things right
My life is better than I ever dreamed it’d be
Loving her is what I’ll do
And I’ll be keeping my love true
Forever baby till eternity

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
I’m catching some alright tonight now baby
Nothing better I know that it’s true
Talking about this new life that she gave me
Her love is always going to see me through

Break

Bridge

She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
Why I want to be her loving man,
She’s everything I am
She’s everything I am
She’s everything I am

Copyright 2007 - G. Steele
 
Really nice. Works great.

Also, some nice internal rhymes that I didn't spot on first reading.
 
ido1957 said:
Thanks for the great feedback everyone. I recorded a scratch take on this one and here is the link. I also revised the lyrics a bit to fit the music (see below). Let me know what you think now that you can put the words to music....

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=395006&songID=4910421

************************************************** **********************
Everything I Am

Thought I’d take some time tonight
Do some thinking about my life
The way it was before she came along
I spent all of my time just searching for
Somebody who could give me more
Than a passing smile but then too soon be gone

Now she's given me so much
With a smile and her gentle touch
It’s bringing out the things I’ve kept within
She changed my house into a home
Gave me love like I’ve never known
How do I thank her where do I begin

(Chorus)
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this loving kind, I know you’ll understand
Why I want to be her loving man,
She’s everything I am

It hasn’t always been this way
You know I used to go astray
Did some things that I’m not proud to talk about
But those days are long behind me
Got her loving there to guide me
It’s a special strength that I can’t live without

She gives meaning to my life
It makes me want to do things right
My life is better than I ever dreamed it’d be
Loving her is what I’ll do
And I’ll be keeping my love true
Forever baby till eternity

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
I’m catching some alright tonight now baby
Nothing better I know that it’s true
Talking about this new life that she gave me
Her love is always going to see me through

Break

Bridge

She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
Why I want to be her loving man,
She’s everything I am
She’s everything I am
She’s everything I am

Copyright 2007 - G. Steele
Click to expand...

You got it happening Gerry! :)
 
hmm, verry nice, I like your voice, all in all it reminds me of a cross betwen niel young and bob dylan. all you need now is some real drums, and maby a bass.

Awsome.
 
Nick_Black said:
hmm, verry nice, I like your voice, all in all it reminds me of a cross betwen niel young and bob dylan. all you need now is some real drums, and maby a bass.

Awsome.
Click to expand...
Hey Nick - thanks for taking the time to check it out. Yes the recording is very rough - just a scratch track so I can remember the melody/chords. I will re-record with more instruments/tracks and a different recorder and post it then....
Thanks Again!

:)
 
I especially like the couple of bar pause before the last "Everything I am" in the chorus. It adds intrigue and breaks up what could otherwise become a bit too sing-song. Nice effort. ;)
 
up-fiddler said:
I especially like the couple of bar pause before the last "Everything I am" in the chorus. It adds intrigue and breaks up what could otherwise become a bit too sing-song. Nice effort. ;)
Click to expand...
Thanks again up-fiddler - I was thinking when I record this again, I would put some kind of instrument melody/lead line in that spot.....

:) :D :) :D
 
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