K
K-dub
Well-known member
"People just like you" Critique
Yes, I know it's a stupid thread title. I wrote it to get attention (because a recent submission went uncommented on), later thought it was stupid and tried to change it, but NOOOO. Once it's named, it's named. Oh well.
Hopefully this one will generate some comment...it's a brand new work in a straight rock vein. In general, what I'm looking to solicit is mix comments (or more specifically, is the piece overly compressed). Thanks!
People just like you
It's the story of someone taken/burned by evangelicals...
People just like you
Well I gave everything I had to give
To people just like you
And I learned my lesson way to well
You can tell that I'm no fool
Yeah, I gave everything I had
To people just like you
And it's sad to say
but it turned out bad
So I'll never trust another one like you
Maybe some simple minds might not see through the sham
Heaven help if you've been "saved"
And though the message spins on endlessly
There's really nothing much of worth conveyed
Because I gave everything I had
To people just like you
And it's sad to say
But it's just no good
So I'll never trust another one like you
Oh no, don't sing me no sweet song
Don't sell me your snake oil
I'm tired of listening to you
Oh no, just keep your damn distractions
I've had a bad reaction
I'm hyper-allergic to you
Because I gave everything I had
To people just like you
And I must complain
It's plain brainwashing
So I'll never trust another one like you
Oh no, don't sing me no choir songs
No more holy rollers
I'm tired of paying those dues
So go and stuff your benedictions
Kick out the addiction
That's conspiring to control you
Because I gave everything I had
To people just like you
And it's sad to say, but it's all untrue
So I'll never trust another one like you
No, I'll never trust another one like you.
BTW- Please to remember I'm a storyteller. This is a perspective piece, it's not autobiographical. It's told from a fictional character's perspective.

K-
Yes, I know it's a stupid thread title. I wrote it to get attention (because a recent submission went uncommented on), later thought it was stupid and tried to change it, but NOOOO. Once it's named, it's named. Oh well.
Hopefully this one will generate some comment...it's a brand new work in a straight rock vein. In general, what I'm looking to solicit is mix comments (or more specifically, is the piece overly compressed). Thanks!
People just like you
It's the story of someone taken/burned by evangelicals...
People just like you
Well I gave everything I had to give
To people just like you
And I learned my lesson way to well
You can tell that I'm no fool
Yeah, I gave everything I had
To people just like you
And it's sad to say
but it turned out bad
So I'll never trust another one like you
Maybe some simple minds might not see through the sham
Heaven help if you've been "saved"
And though the message spins on endlessly
There's really nothing much of worth conveyed
Because I gave everything I had
To people just like you
And it's sad to say
But it's just no good
So I'll never trust another one like you
Oh no, don't sing me no sweet song
Don't sell me your snake oil
I'm tired of listening to you
Oh no, just keep your damn distractions
I've had a bad reaction
I'm hyper-allergic to you
Because I gave everything I had
To people just like you
And I must complain
It's plain brainwashing
So I'll never trust another one like you
Oh no, don't sing me no choir songs
No more holy rollers
I'm tired of paying those dues
So go and stuff your benedictions
Kick out the addiction
That's conspiring to control you
Because I gave everything I had
To people just like you
And it's sad to say, but it's all untrue
So I'll never trust another one like you
No, I'll never trust another one like you.
BTW- Please to remember I'm a storyteller. This is a perspective piece, it's not autobiographical. It's told from a fictional character's perspective.

K-
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