Dynamo - Straight Metal Song

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jonlint

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Hi all,

I will beat you too it. While it is 100% original, it IS a cheesy 80's metal song, with a Ratt favour. And it is smutty! Also the vocals were done as first take and I need to improve them, I know.

With that aside, feedback is most welcome, good and bad. Lyrics are below.

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/dynamo-20130105-3

JONATHAN LINTON – DYNAMO
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)

Entered the room, like a sonic boom
Fine lookin' pretty in pink
She came right by, seemed kinda shy
Invited her for a drink
Things let to another, got to know each other
Feeling that I could score
Used all my lines, she gave all the signs
Ended up at my front door

(She said) can you keep it up, can you fill my cup?
(Can you fill my cup)
Many have tried
and got brushed aside
Are you ready for the ride?

Undercover, she's one good lover
Shyness just a show
Chompin' at the bit, the girl can't quit
Never takes it slow
She's a dynamo
She's a dynamo
She's a dynamo
She's a dynamo

I took her dare, I was unaware
Challenge for me in store
Gave me a shot, I showed what I got
Said now do that one time more
After some persuasion, rose to the occasion
Finished without a snag
She said I am impressed, you passed the first test
But now we need to set tongues wag

(She said) can you keep it up, can you fill my cup?
(Can you fill my cup)
Many have tried
and got brushed aside
Are you ready for the ride?

Undercover, she's one good lover
Shyness just a show
Chompin' at the bit, the girl can't quit
Never takes it slow
She's a dynamo


SOLO

(She said) can you keep it up, can you fill my cup?
(Can you fill my cup)
Many have tried
and got brushed aside
Are you ready for the ride?

Undercover, she's one good lover
Shyness just a show
Chompin' at the bit, the girl can't quit
Never takes it slow
She's a dynamo
She's a dynamo
She's a dynamo
She's a dynamo.....
 
Hi all,

Here is a second improved version with the following changes:

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/dynamo-v2-1

- Put a little more delay back into lead vocals and added some very slight Haas delay and some reverb to bring the vocals out a bit more
- Bit of EQ rework on bass guitar and bass drum

Let me know what you think and if any other improvements could be made.
 
The drums are a bit bright for my tastes, but maybe not for the 80s era style. I don't really hear the bass.

Did you change the lyrics? [OMG I can't believe I was reading along :p ]

The song is respectible I suppose. I was an adolescent in the 80s, and I don't miss them a single bit. This song is about 25 years past expiration. ;)
 
The ends of vocal phrases really jump out with the reverb, delay & EQ - annoyingly so.
Bass sounds like a octaved guitar & the lines don't really work for me.
Drums - snare is WAY too bright and splashy.
The chorus - you sing she's a DINIE moe. I'm sure it's pronounced dine a moe.
You'll certainly ahve to address some pitch issues when you redo the vox.
It is very hairmetal. I was in my 20's through the 80's so was a bit beyond spandex.
 
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