critique of my lyrics?

[Henri Devill]

Hey Jimmi,I'm gonna give this a stab...I'm in a rut maybe this will pull me out..Sometimes doin' editing pulls me out of the funk...And sometimes not..LOL

I had a lovein' wife
Though I gave her everything
says its time for goodbys
10 year washed away
Flushed down the drain
Says that its gonna be allright
I was the last to know
now I'm startin' over
Let the wine and liqour flow

Chorus

I made a move and got in my car
Over to the local honky tonk bar
I've been out of circulation
I ain't forgot a thing
'cept the weddin' ring
And if its any consilation
Honey I'm gonna be fine
Got a appreciation
For the wine {the woman}{the motivation} and song

Dam I still suck..LOL..Well I hope that I helped.Good luck bud


Don

 

[jimistone]

thanks for the input
i really need to get a recording together and post it in the mp3 clinic....to show the way the lyrics need to ryhme with the music

 

[LI Slim]

Interesting jimi, maybe you show say something like, after she tore my heart out of my chest and made me feel like the last ten years was a complete waste, she turned around and asked me if I was gonna be all right? Yeah, I told her, I'll be all right, as soon as I have a drink and find some new pussy!


I'm paraphrasing, of course. The point is, let your anger come out.

 

[Buck62]

jimi....

Is that song based on your own personal experience?

Do tell...

 

[jimistone]

yeah buck....its "loosely" based on my personal experiance. Most of my songs are.